If you`re here to read a blog which is only full of happiness positivity, photos that are all #inspo or if you`ve come here just to find another always-happy-face on the earth, you`ve come to the wrong place.
I could tell you today`s been amazing, I could show you today`s outfit or click inspirational photos like many others bloggers and act like my life is #goals. But I won`t and I don`t feel like it. It`s not that my life isn`t good. In fact, it`s quite good. But it`s only in the past months that I`ve realised how much your own mind actually can affect you and how much it matters that your own mind is with you. If your mind isn`t in a good place, you yourself aren`t either.
I want my blog to be a place where people can seek inspiration, positivity and a more realistic version of what life can be like. I don`t get inspired by blogs that are all “super-duper-happy” – I get inspired by bloggers that dare to be who they are and say “hey, you know what? Life isn`t perfect, I`m not perfect and that`s how it is”. I get inspired by people who have their own opinions and thoughts and don`t follow others just for the sake of it.
So, I`ll be honest: I`m tired of how I`ve done so much for people who didn`t give me the same back. I`ve given so much of myself and when someone hurted me, I felt like an idiot for believing. For believing that this person was going to at least stay. Maybe because I wanted to believe it was as easy for others as it was for me. Now I`m here asking myself what I got by being so kind to others and doing things for them. I did things I shouldn`t have done and still I did it all – what did I get? Tell me, apart from pain and unfaithfullness, what did I get? I think about this a lot and I don`t have any answers. I tell myself that at least I`m stronger now, I`m kind and I`m going to continue to be kind to people, but tell me: what did I get? I might be stronger now, but it`s also harder for me to trust people. It`s harder for me to trust people`s words and intentions, because I`ve met too many who haven`t meant what they said. It`s sad how things people in the past have done to me, are going to affect people I`m going to meet in the future. The pain`s going to affect how I meet them. It`s become hard for me to trust and share, because there`s always a chance people can use that the wrong way or just leave. I know what it`s like to try your best and give what you can give to other people who after some time aren`t there anymore. I try to tell myself “they must have their reasons”, but how does it help me and my sadness.
I`ve been thinking a lot about this, because I`ve realised how much this actually has been going on. The words “you haven`t done anything for me” hit me. To be honest, they really hit me. What a world we live in. You do things you never really thought you`d do just to make others happy and somehow it ends up being “nothing”. Ah, all I can say is that it hurts, it makes you questions your actions and your heart and you feel like the loser of a losing game. People can say whatever they want to, but when it happens more than once you really wonder how it`s possible. How it`s possible for someone to not see that you do so much for them and sometimes you end up doing less, because that`s how you can protect yourself. At least a little. I get why they do that, because who wants to get hurt?
I thought I didn`t, but here I am. Hurt.