LONG TIME NO SEE

Hola amigos.

Yep, it`s me. I`ve been gone for…almost a month? When did that happen? I`m sorry for abandoning my blog for so long, but things have been going on and the past days I`ve been busy with exams. I`m on holiday from next week of, so I`ll be back on track from next week of. I must say the inspiration`s been gone for quite a while now and I have no idea what to write on here. So meanwhile – do let me know if there`s anything you`d like me to write about. I hope everyone`s fine and I wish everyone good luck with their tests/exams.

See you soon.

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LIFE HAPPENS

Let me start this post by telling you my grandmother has cancer.

That`s pretty much why I haven`t been blogging. There have been so many times where I`ve wanted to, but I`ve had no idea what to say. Visits at the hospital, studies, taking care of yourself at the same time.. I don`t even know anymore. The situation sucks, to be honest. There are so many complications and I just can`t wait for the treatment so start. I`d like to keep her condition and treatment plans private, but I just wanted you to know.re.jpg

I think some in my family, including me, kind of feels like it`s all happening all over again. Exactly this month, two years ago my uncle told us he has cancer. The process was different, though. But he had cancer too. And now again? I guess history repeats itself.

My mum told me yesterday how my uncle called her and said “Hey, I`m ill, I`ll call you when I`m fine again.” He never really were fine again. He left us.

I don`t think that`s what`s going to happen this time – I believe my grandmother is most likely to be fine again one day, but she needs to face a lot of obstacles meanwhile. And those obstacles scare me.

I`m going to end this post now – I really don`t know what to say. I mean, what`s life and what is a human being? At times like these so much becomes meaningless and superficial for me. Hopefully I`ll be back tomorrow. Or the day after. Or who knows.

ONE CALL CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE

“Please call me.”

I don`t know what`s coming,

Maybe that`s why I decide to call,

The phone`s next to my ear

and I`m listening,

I ask about what`s new

“She has cancer”.

I don`t know what to say,

but I say “alright”,

but it`s not alright.

This is never going to be alright.

How weird is life,

you never know what`s gonna come next.

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INDIAN SERIALS CAN SPEAK THE TRUTH

When you look up the words “Indian serials are”, what followes next are words such as “worst” and “boring.” And for someone who followers perhaps 6-7 Indian serials these days, I understand. I mean, they are full of melo-drama, they`re endless, there`s no such thing as certain death as the characters die and return so many times. There are maaany marriages, there are mostly large families and we can`t forget the dramatical music and the drum-rolls. It can be too much sometimes, but lately there have been some serials, such as “Dehleez” and “Tamanna”, which have showed us new perspectives.cdhw-akw0aapcdo

From “Dehleez”

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From “Tamanna

Some time ago I read some comments which said “Indian serials lie”, “Indian serials are the worst”, “Why do they make shit, they`re ruining the reputation of India”, “this isn`t even reality.” I was shocked, because either people are blind or..they`re trying to ignore the obvious?

Yeah, they drag the serials too much and the mothers can be too much. Yeah, they might be unrealistic sometimes. Not to forget it`s stupid how they bring back people from death and act like they never died to create new twists.But please forget about that for a while. Indian serials show us what the Indian society is like. I`m not generalizing, but this goes for a lot of its population.

In “Jaana na dil se door”, Vivida, which is the main female lead,  get married against her will. She loves Atharv, but her dad didn`t accept him because according to him, he`s good for nothing. So he gets her married to a guy she has never seen. He also almost kills the guy to end their love-story. In the very same drama, the dad tells his son how useless he is and that he can`t even protect the family`s honour. In “Naamkarann”, which started airing almost a month ago, the guy and the woman have a kid. But they`re not married. Both of their mothers completely dislike their relationship and according to some sites, the viewers have also reacted because of this. “Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hain” tried to focus on another problem this summer. Yash wanted to marry Rose, a girl from a foreign country who wasn`t a Hindu. Especially his grandmother didn`t find this appropiate. Girls from foreign countries are nasty, they don`t know anything about family, honour and shame, they don`t know cooking etc. They ended up getting married, after several arguments. The grandmother was happy and tried to learn some English too. But, this is a drama. Not real life. In real life, some Muslim girls are killed for marrying a non-Muslim. And believe it or not, but even cheesy and unrealistic serials can represent the reality sometimes.

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From “Jaana Na Dil Se Door”

In many dramas, the girls are socially controlled. They are told to dress in a specific way, they can`t hang out with boys because that`ll destroy the family`s reputation. Some aren`t allowed to continue working after marriage. And in most dramas, the girls are expected to get married while they`re still young. In “Beintehaa” Aaliya was told by her mum that since her wedding was called off, the society would start gossiping and they wouldn`t be able to go out with a head high so she had to get married to a guy called Zayn as soon as possible. At least her parents wouldn`t have to feel shameful on the behalf of their daughter.befunky-collage1

From “Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain” and “Ishqbaaz”

I could mention many more examples, as I`ve watched quite many serials. They`re entertaining, yeah, but not long ago I realised that these serials actually do represent the Indian society in one way or another. Forget the dramatic music, forget the stupid acting and forget how long some of the serials can be – honour, shame and social control and important words here. In many of those serials, girls encounter these kind of things. Some are married against their will, some aren`t allowed to wear whatever they want to, while some girls are only allowed to have one dream – to get married and have 80 kids. Are these kind of things lies? Don`t these things happen in India? If not – why was more than 34.000 cases of rape reported last year in India?

I KNOW very well such things don`t happen in the life of every Indian girl. Many Indian girls are allowed to wear whatever they want, they are allowed to hang out with the other gender and not everyone is expected to get married by the time they turn 25. But Indian serials do show several aspects of what life is like for many Indian girls, not to forget Indian boys. And we can`t forget that. Just because it doesn`t happen to you, doesn`t mean it has never happened and isn`t happening to anyone else out there. And just because it happened to you, doesn`t mean it happened or happens to everyone else.

Stop saying Indian serials are ruining India`s reputation, because mostly the producers know what`s “in” in India or not, they know what people act like and because of that, they create such content that many can`t stand. And if you`re one of those who watch and follow Indian serials like me? Next time watch out fot dialogues that ask a girl to be careful or else she`ll destroy the family`s honour. Listen when these “desi aunties” advice their daughters-in-laws to not go outside in the evening. These might be small things, but these are little things that matter and you know what they say? Sometimes the smallest things matter the most and change our lives the most. No girl should be controlled that way and no girl is responsible for a family`s “honour”. That goes for the boys too.

LET THEM BURN YOU

Let them burn you,

set your bones alight,

laugh at them

and tell them that you sing

as ash.

You can rest quiet, dark as coal, knowing

that the fire stayed

inside you,

knowing that you retain

the choice, to char those

who burned you, or instead,

to warm them.

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Poem by Tyler Knott Gregson

WHEN I SAW YOU

You`re sitting almost right forward me, to the right. I notice your hair, I notice your eyes and I notice how you`re not really looking at anybody. Most of all I notice how you`re sitting alone.

I don`t know if you`re lonely or not, but like usual I start asking myself a thousand of questions: Who is she? Where is she from? Why`s she alone? Is she lonely? How come I`ve never really seen her? Do people notice too that she`s sitting alone? Maybe I`ve seen her before, but I can`t remember. The teacher`s saying something. I try to focuse, but I can`t help, but think about someone else.

A while later we`re sitting next to each other. But you don`t say hello or smile at me. While reading, it`s like you`re nervous. Extremely nervous. It`s as if your lips are shaking. You`re almost whispering, while you`re looking down. And maybe it`s just silly me, but I`m thinking about someone else.

There used to be this girl at high-school. She used to sit alone too. And I could never really tell if she was lonely or not, but I asked myself: Why wouldn`t anyone in her position feel lonely? She was alone pretty much 90 % of the time. I was her for more than a year and I was so fed up. Why wouldn`t she be fed up? Her classmates didn`t do much to spend time with her or involve her in their groups.

Anyways, this girl reminds me of you. She didn`t really look at people, and she never really talked loudly. She spent time with herself, mainly. Sometimes she used to look at her mobile phone for quite a long while, even though there was nothing interesting going on inside it. And I must say I tried to reach out to her, but I failed. It hurts.

The teacher`s saying something and I wish she would shut up for two minutes, but she won`t so I have to listen to her. But girl, I hope you`re alright and that you`re not lonely. I hope you were just having a bad day. I hope you don`t feel like the girl I met in high-school and I hope you`re not in the same situation as her. From the bottom of my heart – I really do hope so. large-44

MIDLIFE-CRISIS AT THE AGE OF 8

I`m 19.

I don`t know whether I should be happy or sad.

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I`m so young and I know people will tell me to not worry. My whole life`s in front of me. I`m going to meet so many challenging roades, I`m going to meet many interesting people along the way and I`m going to do a lot more with my life than I am right now. I have a whole life ahead of me.

But I don`t have as much time as I wish I had.

When I was 8 or 9, something unexpected happened. Whenever it was bedtime, I started yelling and crying in front of my parents. Little me walked down the stairs, because I didn`t want to sleep. I was scared of death and I was scared that I one day had to leave everyone I cared about. After some days I stopped doing this – God knows how or why. My parents were worried and didn`t understand what has gotten into me. Neither do I till this day, but maybe it was all about realizing that life`s unpredictable, but we all know we`re going to die. Maybe realizing I`m not going to exist one day scared me.

It still scares me.

Some nights I`ve been scared of falling asleep, because I`ve been way too scared to not get up in the morning because I`m dead. Depressing, right? Well, I wouldn`t exactly say I`m depressed. It`s not like I sit on the couch all day and don`t want to do anything because I`m too sad. It`s just that I sometimes get stressed because of these thoughts. They might be gone for some hours, but I have them every single day.

I think having these scary feelings and thoughts might not be that good either, but on the other hand it`s good that I`ve realised that I can`t depend on tomorrow. Life`s too short and I want to make the most out of it. I`m just too scared to have too little time. And I`m so scared of finding the things I`m doing now, pointless. Sometimes I do actually think whatever I`m doing right now is meaningless. There are so many things I want to see, experience, taste and feel and I just don`t want life to be over. Turning 19 made me realise I`m actually already 19 and that I`m going to die very soon. Of course that`s not the case, but I`d like to think it is. I believe I reached the midlife crisis already when I was 8-9, haha. And I still have it.

I`m scared of death. I believe in a life after death, but what scares me is not knowing what exactly is. And what happens when a person dies? How can a heart stop beating without any warnings? How can a person just be…gone? There are so many questions and not many answers. This isn`t very it ends, as you guys might have noticed. I`m also scared of not having enough time to do everything I want to.

Of course I`m going to do my best to do everything I want to do, but I kind of already know that enough will never be good enough. I`ll have to leave everyone I love and care about one day, I might have to leave this earth with chaotic circumstances and I might have to drop everything I`m doing and just die without any warnings.

I`m 19. I had midlife-crisis at the age of 8-9. And it looks like I still have it.

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My birthday was great. My brother made me a carrot cake and we ordered some pizza, which we enjoyed while watching the first Harry Potter movie. I must say I love Harry Potter, and it was amazing to re-create memories from our childhood.

But, today was great too. Perhaps even better? I spent several hours with Thea and Sara. We went to this park, where we talked, had some great food, they gave me two books (they`re A-M-A-Z-I-NG!!) and this card that I`ll keep with me forever. Really, it was so sweet and I was close to crying when I read it. Sentimental me, you know. I`m going to keep that card with me till the day I die. And even after that too. We also played “Cards Against Humanity”, which was very fun. Ah, it was a very good day. Thank you so much, sweeties. Also, I love daylight, but isn`t there something charming with the cities at night? We walked around in the park in the darkness and it was just beautiful. I need to do more of that.

Thanks to everyone whom made my birthday great. My family (especially my brother), Sara, Thea, everyone else – thank you so much. Thanks for making the first two days of 19 great. Oh, God. I`m 19. When did that happen?best-friends-bestie-besties-bff-favim-com-4059640

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY

It`s my birthday today!

I`m turning 19, guys. Way too old, in my opinion. I`ll share my thoughts on growing up this weekend, but for now I`m going to enjoy turning 19 (for as long as I can, at least).

Being 18 was awesome. I met so many great people, I graduated from high-school and joined university. I became a student. I became more socially engaged than I`ve ever been, which was an amazing experience from me. I`ve written texts I never thought I`d write, I`ve discovered myself more and I`m stronger now mentally. I`m so glad that I haven`t been stuck in one place the last year. I dared to do things I`ve never done and now I`ve already began a new chapter. The life as a student is new and weird, but it`s also great as in means more freedom to do things as I`d like to.

I want to thank everyone who made this year awesome. My family, my friends, everyone. Not to forget thanks to everyone who`ve been with me for many years and still are there for me. 18 was awesome and I hope 19 treats me well too.;-)

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