“Please call me.”

I don`t know what`s coming,

Maybe that`s why I decide to call,

The phone`s next to my ear

and I`m listening,

I ask about what`s new

“She has cancer”.

I don`t know what to say,

but I say “alright”,

but it`s not alright.

This is never going to be alright.

How weird is life,

you never know what`s gonna come next.



When you look up the words “Indian serials are”, what followes next are words such as “worst” and “boring.” And for someone who followers perhaps 6-7 Indian serials these days, I understand. I mean, they are full of melo-drama, they`re endless, there`s no such thing as certain death as the characters die and return so many times. There are maaany marriages, there are mostly large families and we can`t forget the dramatical music and the drum-rolls. It can be too much sometimes, but lately there have been some serials, such as “Dehleez” and “Tamanna”, which have showed us new perspectives.cdhw-akw0aapcdo

From “Dehleez”


From “Tamanna

Some time ago I read some comments which said “Indian serials lie”, “Indian serials are the worst”, “Why do they make shit, they`re ruining the reputation of India”, “this isn`t even reality.” I was shocked, because either people are blind or..they`re trying to ignore the obvious?

Yeah, they drag the serials too much and the mothers can be too much. Yeah, they might be unrealistic sometimes. Not to forget it`s stupid how they bring back people from death and act like they never died to create new twists.But please forget about that for a while. Indian serials show us what the Indian society is like. I`m not generalizing, but this goes for a lot of its population.

In “Jaana na dil se door”, Vivida, which is the main female lead,  get married against her will. She loves Atharv, but her dad didn`t accept him because according to him, he`s good for nothing. So he gets her married to a guy she has never seen. He also almost kills the guy to end their love-story. In the very same drama, the dad tells his son how useless he is and that he can`t even protect the family`s honour. In “Naamkarann”, which started airing almost a month ago, the guy and the woman have a kid. But they`re not married. Both of their mothers completely dislike their relationship and according to some sites, the viewers have also reacted because of this. “Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hain” tried to focus on another problem this summer. Yash wanted to marry Rose, a girl from a foreign country who wasn`t a Hindu. Especially his grandmother didn`t find this appropiate. Girls from foreign countries are nasty, they don`t know anything about family, honour and shame, they don`t know cooking etc. They ended up getting married, after several arguments. The grandmother was happy and tried to learn some English too. But, this is a drama. Not real life. In real life, some Muslim girls are killed for marrying a non-Muslim. And believe it or not, but even cheesy and unrealistic serials can represent the reality sometimes.


From “Jaana Na Dil Se Door”

In many dramas, the girls are socially controlled. They are told to dress in a specific way, they can`t hang out with boys because that`ll destroy the family`s reputation. Some aren`t allowed to continue working after marriage. And in most dramas, the girls are expected to get married while they`re still young. In “Beintehaa” Aaliya was told by her mum that since her wedding was called off, the society would start gossiping and they wouldn`t be able to go out with a head high so she had to get married to a guy called Zayn as soon as possible. At least her parents wouldn`t have to feel shameful on the behalf of their daughter.befunky-collage1

From “Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain” and “Ishqbaaz”

I could mention many more examples, as I`ve watched quite many serials. They`re entertaining, yeah, but not long ago I realised that these serials actually do represent the Indian society in one way or another. Forget the dramatic music, forget the stupid acting and forget how long some of the serials can be – honour, shame and social control and important words here. In many of those serials, girls encounter these kind of things. Some are married against their will, some aren`t allowed to wear whatever they want to, while some girls are only allowed to have one dream – to get married and have 80 kids. Are these kind of things lies? Don`t these things happen in India? If not – why was more than 34.000 cases of rape reported last year in India?

I KNOW very well such things don`t happen in the life of every Indian girl. Many Indian girls are allowed to wear whatever they want, they are allowed to hang out with the other gender and not everyone is expected to get married by the time they turn 25. But Indian serials do show several aspects of what life is like for many Indian girls, not to forget Indian boys. And we can`t forget that. Just because it doesn`t happen to you, doesn`t mean it has never happened and isn`t happening to anyone else out there. And just because it happened to you, doesn`t mean it happened or happens to everyone else.

Stop saying Indian serials are ruining India`s reputation, because mostly the producers know what`s “in” in India or not, they know what people act like and because of that, they create such content that many can`t stand. And if you`re one of those who watch and follow Indian serials like me? Next time watch out fot dialogues that ask a girl to be careful or else she`ll destroy the family`s honour. Listen when these “desi aunties” advice their daughters-in-laws to not go outside in the evening. These might be small things, but these are little things that matter and you know what they say? Sometimes the smallest things matter the most and change our lives the most. No girl should be controlled that way and no girl is responsible for a family`s “honour”. That goes for the boys too.


Let them burn you,

set your bones alight,

laugh at them

and tell them that you sing

as ash.

You can rest quiet, dark as coal, knowing

that the fire stayed

inside you,

knowing that you retain

the choice, to char those

who burned you, or instead,

to warm them.


Poem by Tyler Knott Gregson


You`re sitting almost right forward me, to the right. I notice your hair, I notice your eyes and I notice how you`re not really looking at anybody. Most of all I notice how you`re sitting alone.

I don`t know if you`re lonely or not, but like usual I start asking myself a thousand of questions: Who is she? Where is she from? Why`s she alone? Is she lonely? How come I`ve never really seen her? Do people notice too that she`s sitting alone? Maybe I`ve seen her before, but I can`t remember. The teacher`s saying something. I try to focuse, but I can`t help, but think about someone else.

A while later we`re sitting next to each other. But you don`t say hello or smile at me. While reading, it`s like you`re nervous. Extremely nervous. It`s as if your lips are shaking. You`re almost whispering, while you`re looking down. And maybe it`s just silly me, but I`m thinking about someone else.

There used to be this girl at high-school. She used to sit alone too. And I could never really tell if she was lonely or not, but I asked myself: Why wouldn`t anyone in her position feel lonely? She was alone pretty much 90 % of the time. I was her for more than a year and I was so fed up. Why wouldn`t she be fed up? Her classmates didn`t do much to spend time with her or involve her in their groups.

Anyways, this girl reminds me of you. She didn`t really look at people, and she never really talked loudly. She spent time with herself, mainly. Sometimes she used to look at her mobile phone for quite a long while, even though there was nothing interesting going on inside it. And I must say I tried to reach out to her, but I failed. It hurts.

The teacher`s saying something and I wish she would shut up for two minutes, but she won`t so I have to listen to her. But girl, I hope you`re alright and that you`re not lonely. I hope you were just having a bad day. I hope you don`t feel like the girl I met in high-school and I hope you`re not in the same situation as her. From the bottom of my heart – I really do hope so. large-44


I`m 19.

I don`t know whether I should be happy or sad.


I`m so young and I know people will tell me to not worry. My whole life`s in front of me. I`m going to meet so many challenging roades, I`m going to meet many interesting people along the way and I`m going to do a lot more with my life than I am right now. I have a whole life ahead of me.

But I don`t have as much time as I wish I had.

When I was 8 or 9, something unexpected happened. Whenever it was bedtime, I started yelling and crying in front of my parents. Little me walked down the stairs, because I didn`t want to sleep. I was scared of death and I was scared that I one day had to leave everyone I cared about. After some days I stopped doing this – God knows how or why. My parents were worried and didn`t understand what has gotten into me. Neither do I till this day, but maybe it was all about realizing that life`s unpredictable, but we all know we`re going to die. Maybe realizing I`m not going to exist one day scared me.

It still scares me.

Some nights I`ve been scared of falling asleep, because I`ve been way too scared to not get up in the morning because I`m dead. Depressing, right? Well, I wouldn`t exactly say I`m depressed. It`s not like I sit on the couch all day and don`t want to do anything because I`m too sad. It`s just that I sometimes get stressed because of these thoughts. They might be gone for some hours, but I have them every single day.

I think having these scary feelings and thoughts might not be that good either, but on the other hand it`s good that I`ve realised that I can`t depend on tomorrow. Life`s too short and I want to make the most out of it. I`m just too scared to have too little time. And I`m so scared of finding the things I`m doing now, pointless. Sometimes I do actually think whatever I`m doing right now is meaningless. There are so many things I want to see, experience, taste and feel and I just don`t want life to be over. Turning 19 made me realise I`m actually already 19 and that I`m going to die very soon. Of course that`s not the case, but I`d like to think it is. I believe I reached the midlife crisis already when I was 8-9, haha. And I still have it.

I`m scared of death. I believe in a life after death, but what scares me is not knowing what exactly is. And what happens when a person dies? How can a heart stop beating without any warnings? How can a person just be…gone? There are so many questions and not many answers. This isn`t very it ends, as you guys might have noticed. I`m also scared of not having enough time to do everything I want to.

Of course I`m going to do my best to do everything I want to do, but I kind of already know that enough will never be good enough. I`ll have to leave everyone I love and care about one day, I might have to leave this earth with chaotic circumstances and I might have to drop everything I`m doing and just die without any warnings.

I`m 19. I had midlife-crisis at the age of 8-9. And it looks like I still have it.


My birthday was great. My brother made me a carrot cake and we ordered some pizza, which we enjoyed while watching the first Harry Potter movie. I must say I love Harry Potter, and it was amazing to re-create memories from our childhood.

But, today was great too. Perhaps even better? I spent several hours with Thea and Sara. We went to this park, where we talked, had some great food, they gave me two books (they`re A-M-A-Z-I-NG!!) and this card that I`ll keep with me forever. Really, it was so sweet and I was close to crying when I read it. Sentimental me, you know. I`m going to keep that card with me till the day I die. And even after that too. We also played “Cards Against Humanity”, which was very fun. Ah, it was a very good day. Thank you so much, sweeties. Also, I love daylight, but isn`t there something charming with the cities at night? We walked around in the park in the darkness and it was just beautiful. I need to do more of that.

Thanks to everyone whom made my birthday great. My family (especially my brother), Sara, Thea, everyone else – thank you so much. Thanks for making the first two days of 19 great. Oh, God. I`m 19. When did that happen?best-friends-bestie-besties-bff-favim-com-4059640


It`s my birthday today!

I`m turning 19, guys. Way too old, in my opinion. I`ll share my thoughts on growing up this weekend, but for now I`m going to enjoy turning 19 (for as long as I can, at least).

Being 18 was awesome. I met so many great people, I graduated from high-school and joined university. I became a student. I became more socially engaged than I`ve ever been, which was an amazing experience from me. I`ve written texts I never thought I`d write, I`ve discovered myself more and I`m stronger now mentally. I`m so glad that I haven`t been stuck in one place the last year. I dared to do things I`ve never done and now I`ve already began a new chapter. The life as a student is new and weird, but it`s also great as in means more freedom to do things as I`d like to.

I want to thank everyone who made this year awesome. My family, my friends, everyone. Not to forget thanks to everyone who`ve been with me for many years and still are there for me. 18 was awesome and I hope 19 treats me well too.;-)




First of all.. I`ve blogged for one year now!! I realised that some days go, buuuut as you perhaps now, I haven`t blogged much lately. It`s hard to find the motivation to do so, when you know you have many other things to do. Being a student for the first time is hard. I`m the boss of my own days and I have to discipline myself. It`s going to take a while, but I`m sure I`ll figure it out soon.🙂

Anyways, I can`t believe I`ve been blogging here for more than a year now?! I started this blog during my third and last year of high-school. It feels like that was a life ago. Whenever I see people who`re younger than me and “still” are in high-school, I feel like they`re living a completely different life than me. It`s still weird to not see Sara and Thea every day. I mean, I went to the same school for 3 years and no matter what – the fact is that I was used to showing up there pretty much every day. Now as I`ve joined university the routines are different, my days are different and I`m just not used to it.

I`m sorry for not blogging as much as I thought I would. I`m still getting used to my new chapter, so bear with me please. For now: Thanks a lot for hanging out with me for one year. Thanks for all the comments, the likes, thanks for the time anyone of you have spent on reading my posts. It really means a lot to me. I hope you still want to follow my journey and keep hanging out with me.. ♥tumblr_nihgkhddsq1r5bkvko1_500



Yesterday I had a little eye-operation. The doctor put a bandage on one of my eyes and made me walk out like that. I went home with a bandage on my eye. I was at the bus with a bandage on my eye. It wasn`t just a bandage – it was a wake-up call too.

The night before I had watched “Body bizzare”. I`m too scared to post any photos, but basically it`s about people who`re born with rare diseases. And then I really mean rare diseases. People who have no nose and are blind. There was a girl who was 9 and yet she looked like she was a little baby because of her height. People with several eyes. People with no arms or upper legslegs. Women with beards. You name it. Very rare diseases. While watching it, I couldn`t help but cry and be so damn thankful for my nose. Or my hands. My arms. My legs. The ability to walk means a lot to me. I`m so thankful for not being blind, for being able to listen to the water running.

Don`t get me wrong – I don`t hate blind people or people without arms. I just feel sorry for them because I feel like they don`t have what I have. Some people have to stick to a wheel-chair for a whole life time and that makes me incredibly sad. They can`t walk like me, they can`t do things I can do and I just feel really sorry for them. I wish I could help them, but I can`t. I feel so helpless when I see people who`re blind, for example. Maybe they`re not missing anything because usually, people are born blind, but I know what they`re missing and it just makes me sad, because here I am. My health is perfect and I`m not handicapped in any way and there they are. They`re not even able to see the people they love or this beautiful world and I just wonder why.

It was just a small eye-operation. Nothing big deal, but the bandage got me thinking. What if I only had one eye? Or what if I suddenly became blind? What would I do? I`d freak out, I`d be depressed – I don`t know if I`d even want to stay the way I am right now. I can walk, I don`t need my parents to take care of me 24/7 the rest of my life. I`m fine. I can even pay for an appointment with the doctor. Many people can`t even do that and they stay with their rare diseases for the rest of the life. There was this man with this huge lump on his face. It was very very huge – just like a ball. He got it removed, but not everybody`s that lucky. And so I felt so lucky yesterday. So lucky that I felt like crying while I was walking out of the building. With the bandage on my eye.

I`m so damn thankful for not being blind or deaf. I`m so thankful for not having cancer or any disease like that. I`m so thankful for being okay and I need to remind myself of that every single day. It`s so easy to even take your eyes for granted, which shouldn`t be the case at all. Not everybody`s that lucky.

So when I took of the bandage three hours later yesterday I told myself to be thankful. And so I am. For being able to watch the words as I type them, for being able to write this. Thank you, God.