I WILL SHOW YOU

I still sit alone in the classroom. Thanks for not sitting with me, by the way. I still work alone if there`s no must to work in groups. I`ve still got no one I consider my real friend. Does knowing that make you happy? I know I`ve chosen Nannestad high school on my own and I know what it`s like, but don`t you think I keep trying? I keep giving what I`m capable of giving and what do I get back? Yes, this girl borrowed me her blue pen. Yes, I blow around some words now and then. But what does that mean when I`m let down all the time? What do people want to tell me by leaving me alone all the time? It`s those little things that matter the most.

After the gym I shower alone. When I was back today everybody had left. Who had been waiting for me? Not a single soul. When school`s finished, who looks for me so they can walk to the bus station with me? Nobody. Who looks for me so they can eat lunch with me? Who asks me if I want to join their group when the teacher tells us to work in pairs or groups? Who instantly thinks “Oh, I want to work with Anne!!”? Nobody. Not a single soul. I`m just a doll, sitting there in the classroom, barely looked at. Or, only when someone needs to plugs something or needs me to do them a favour. And since I`m so nice, I say yes because.. that`s just me. I`m not like you guys who ignore and pretend like nothing. Maybe you`re a good person to others, but not me and that`s the truth. A good human being tries to include as many as possible, and after all, I`m your classmate? I feel ignored, I feel left out and there`s not without any reason I think before closing the door behind me every morning “Oh, another day where I have to travel 3 hours just to feel left out at school and barely spoken to.” Something really is wrong.

Every day I think “it`s whatever, I`ve got “only” eight months left and I`m done. I`ll be out of here by then.” It might sound harsh, but that`s the truth. Why did I even pick Nannestad in the first place? For myself. I`m not like anyone of you who picks a subject if my “friends” are. I had to choose Nannestad if I wanted to study all the subjects I wanted to. Get it? I didn`t do it for any of you and yet I keep hoping I`ll be treated as a classmate one day. Two years have passed and you don`t even look at me as one – is that what you call being nice? I`m so tired of feeling this way and there`s no shame in admitting I cry sometimes too, because I don`t see why I`m meant to be treated this way by so many. What have I ever done wrong? I had nothing against you and even though I`m kind, I have something against you now. Don`t blame me for that – everything`s your doings. I`m only trying my best to cope with the days and it`s usually a relief to get home because I don`t need to have to deal with the way you make me feel every single day. Don`t think I`m doing well, I`m doing really good, maybe even better than you guys.

I just thought maybe you were better. I thought maybe you`d change a little bit, maybe you`d look at me at the right and true way and maybe you`d stop your matches from burning. I was definetely wrong. Keep doing your thing with your so called friends and I`ll do my thing. Not that I`m enjoying what you`re doing, but I`ll proove you all wrong. One day. 

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6 thoughts on “I WILL SHOW YOU

  1. The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Liked by 1 person

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