Once I was told “Maybe people don`t know what to say to you because of the speech you had last year about bullying.”
So..I hope I misunderstood this, but is it easier to know what to say to people who don`t bother standing up for themselves, who complain about life almost 24/7, who don`t care about human beings and who`re selfish? It seems that way because my classmates know what to say to each other, but me? 80 % of the time I`m alone and to be honest, I don`t know anymore. Some days I talk with my classmates for maybe 20 minutes and I feel like everything`s so much better, but the very next day I show up and I realise nobody really cares whether I show up or not, because nobody`s waiting for me. Or when I leave school, I go to the bus station alone every single day. I realise I`m not like them.
I feel like people have talked me into and made me look like the black sheep. At school I notice people knowing so many and they talk to each other and there I am. People don`t bother having a normal conversation with me. I`m just little Anne who`s air and not supposed to be spoken to because she`s so uncool and weird and ugly and odd. I`m not treated on the same level as others and to be honest, it sucks to feel that way in your OWN class, but what can I do? I`m the black sheep and proud, to be honest. At least I`m not like the other girls.
Actually, I wonder why it`s always been that way. I mean, me being the black sheep. I`ve always me treated differently by people around me, people have always made me look like the big elephant and let`s say I`m a monster, but I still wouldn`t like to believe I deserve this kind of “punishment”. And what have I done to people at Nannestad? Nothing, apart from raising my voice and saying how they`ve been treating me, which is just me making a big fuss. But seriously. Instead of talking shit about me, tell me what you don`t like me. What`s so wrong about me? What`s so hard to handle? I`d like to say I`m nicer and more caring and yet, this is the way I`m treated? I seriously feel like the black sheep because I`m looked upon as different every day.
I`m damn proud of that, but does that automatically mean I`m not easy to talk to? Can`t you just talk to me about normal things, like life, school, family? Can`t you treat me equally? Frankly, it`s stupid how this comes from someone who`s never really tried to have a real conversation with me. I don`t bite anyone, in fact I`m not like most girls here who`d look at you weirdly if you showed up and wanted to talk about everything and nothing. I look at everyone as my fellow human beings. Sure, I can`t stand what many people at my school do to me every day, but that doesn`t mean I`d be mean to you. 🙂 If you knew me that well, you`d know better.
So instead of saying “I don`t know what to say to you”, try to talk to me. Try to smile and say hello. I`m tired of always having to try and try and try and I don`t expect much in return apart from just a little humanity. I`m not a monster, seriously. Yeah, I`ve been bullied for 10 years and yeah, I do live with extremists, but am I responsible for that? Not at all, so don`t be scared or whatever you are. I`m more keen on having an open and nice conversation than many I know (just so that`s said). It`s stupid to judge without knowing me or how it is to talk to me.
PS: Doesn`t matter if you`d like to say shit to me – walk up to me and say it TO me, instead of to your friends, honey. Wishing all an amazing weekend. 😉