Tomorrow`s the beginning of an end.
The end of a long journey I started more than 12 years ago. A journey which has turned into a rollercaster. It`s gone up and down and I can`t believe it. After this term and year I won`t have to ever show up again at Nannestad High-School.
I don`t think I`ve ever really wanted to ruin the rumors of my school, because I guess it did a little on it own. I`m sure some people asked themselves how it comes nobody noticed and cared about me being alone for such a long time. How comes nor the principle or the teachers did anything? I won`t say they don`t care because I know some of the teachers do care – they just don`t care enough.
They don`t care enough to stand up and ask why the rest of the class is treating that one student differently. They don`t have the guts to talk about it in front of class. After that speech I had in 2014, I remember how my classmates blamed me for not doing anything about my own situation. It`s your fault. I`ve heard that sentence a million times now, it`s become an old trend. Mind coming up with something true and at least more original? It`s really not my fault. The truth is this.
The truth is I`m the one that tries 99 % of the time. I`m the one who starts a conversation, I`m the one who sits down with them on the bus, I`m the one who stands there all of a sudden because I`ve been willing to try and give a damn, while my classmates? I`m the left and they`re the right. And let`s admit my classmates try too. How the hell come I`m not treated at the same level? Why don`t they show up and sit down next to me, like they do with everyone else? Why am I just a time-pass, someone they can use. I`m tired of being that girl who just stands there randomly, without being noticed. I`m tired of being looked at and not appreciated.
The rest have someone to sit with, they have someone to work with, they have someone to laugh with and play their jokes with, they have someone to visit, while I? Little me? Haha, none. It sucks every time the teacher says we`ll have to work with someone and the rest automatically think of everyone else apart from me. I`m just there to be a fourth wheel, to fill a space because the teacher said so. That bloody sucks. I`m that girl who sits there, smiles all the time and act like nothing. I`m that girl who gives people a chance because that`s who she is.
And now I`ve only got 5 and a half months there. FIVE AND A HALF. Five and a half months left and I`m done with school. Not only done with high-school, but classmates who clearly don`t really care about me. Classmates who don`t ignore me if I ask them something and it`s weird how I don`t take that for granted, because it means a lot to me. A lot more than they`ll ever know because otherwise? Otherwise I`m done with classmates who treat me differently and unfair.
I guess that`s one of the things I`ll remember Nannestad High-School for. Or, its students for. Treating people who`re different than them, differently.
I`m different, am I not? I`ve got something they`ve got, isn`t that the case? I`ve stood up for myself two times in front of 100 students and it`s not something I like to brag about to other people, but sometimes I have to mention what I did because I`m the black sheep at my school. And as I`ve said before, I`m damn proud of it and I`d do it again. But I`m still the different one. The girl who opened up her mouth and raised her voice.
Nobody in my class did.
That`s why these 2 and a half years have been bearable.
Knowing I`m better than them when it comes to some things, has helped me. Knowing I`d never treat my classmates that way, has helped me. Knowing I`d never be that unfair to someone, has helped me. Knowing that even if I made someone cry themselves to sleep, I`d say sorry to them because they`d deserve that much from me. Knowing I`ve dared to do what nobody else did, even though it did make me want to cry. I care more. Knowing I can do so much better. I deserve so much better. Knowing I`d stand up for someone who maybe was dying on the inside, has helped me so damn much. I`m not the one who should be shameful here.
No matter what year it is, whether it`s 2013, 2014, 2015 or 2016 some people will treat you the same way.
So whenever the next five months become a little unbearable, I`ll remind myself of these things and make it bearable again.
June will be the end of a 13 years long journey. I`ve been through a lot, but I`ve learned a lot too. My classmates might have stepped on me, put me down and been so damn unfair to me, but I`ll make sure to show them when I step out of the door that last day that I made it. I did it. Pretty much all alone. I stood up for myself, I was nice and I cared. While they?
They ignored, back stabbed and left this girl who only wanted to be everyone`s friend.