IT IS THE TOUNGUE, NOT THE HEART

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There`s something I`ve been thinking about a little lately. Maybe it`s a “flaw”, but I thought why not share it with you guys? Someone might be in the same situation and feel bad about it.

I stutter. That`s the best word I found in English to describe it, but when I looked it up at Wikipedia it said “Stuttering is a speech order in which the flow of speech is disrupted by involuntary repititions and prolongations of sounds, syllables, words and phrases as well as involuntary silent pauses or blocks in which the person who stutters is unable to produce sounds.” I don`t know what to say. Why do we call everything a disorder? It makes me really sad, because to me it`s not a disorder at all. I stutter now and then. My flow of speech is disrupted now and then, but my situation is a little weird. I used to stutter as a little kid, but after some time it wasn`t there anymore. Then all of a sudden I started stuttering again and it`s been that way ever since. I can`t pronounce some words sometimes, I find it hard to do that. So during presentations I just can`t say some words without being stuck, without having to pause for some seconds. Sometimes I`m unable to produce some sounds which maybe make people wonder what`s up. This is something else than being nervous. When you`re nervous you might start stuttering as a symptom, but when I stutter I can`t help it. Sometimes I`m able to say the word after trying to pronounce the letter/word sometimes, other times I give up there and then.

It sucks sometimes, because while reading the Holy Quran I stutter, which I didn`t really do before. Sometimes I wonder what I`m being “punished” for, why do I even stutter? What was God thinking? I`m sure many people I know haven`t really noticed, but that`s because sometimes I don`t stutter at all, while other times I do.. It`s weird, right? People have made fun of me for this. It used to hurt, but now? I don`t really care. It`s better than to have an ugly heart.

So to people out there who stutter or have a “flaw” they can`t get rid of – don`t give a thing about people. This is odd for me to share, but I thought why not? I`ve already raised my voice and it`s not a shame to stutter. I can`t do anything about it. Be proud of what and who you are! I talk the way I do and if you absolutely have to judge, remember it`s the toungue and not my heart.

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