Some months ago I received some comments. Unfortunately I found some of them yesterday and I`m not going to lie: They made me sad. Sad because people don`t understand, because they throw words around without actually knowing what they`re saying. Without knowing the person they`re talking to or without reading my posts properly.
“To me, it seems like most people are really nice to you. But you choose to ignore those people to make yourself the victim and make people feel sorry for you. It’s not the people around you who’s selfish and ignorant, it’s simply the fact that every time some people are being nice to you, you write shit about them on your blog and they dont want to talk to you anymore because of it. I just dont understand, because sometimes you complain about not having any friends, yet you say you dont want any? Make up your mind please. Some people have actually tried to talk and be friends with you, but they didn’t get any respons. It’s like you didn’t really want them to talk to you, because you “know” they just do it out of pity.”
“Its not our fault that you cant be a sosial person. You dont HAVE to drink. You think that the problem is that nobody wants to befriend you. Maybe it is that YOU dont want to befriend people. Or YOU that are difficult to befriend. I personally think the fault is in you. Not everybody else.”
The content on its own tells me those comments are written by.. people from my school. By names such as “Sorry to say” and “Maybe you`re the problem?” Last time I checked, nobody has ever had those names, so I feel sorry for your cowardness. Whoever you are: You`re not even able to walk up to me and say those things to my face, so who are you to speak?
But to answer you. It seems like to you that most people are really nice to you. I bet you think you`re just speaking the truth through that comment too, right? It`s NOT the people around me who`s selfish and ignorant? HAHAHA, I want to laugh right at your face, because you know nothing about me. What have I done for you to call me that? Speak the truth? Have this blog where I share my honest and decent thoughts on my life and my experiences? And what kindness are you trying to talk about here? The kindness which consists of ignoring me, just like people are right now? Of not talking to me, of not trying to spend time with me, of using me whenever they need me? I`m sorry (not sorry), but that`s called being mean, being selfish and being ignorant. I`d never do that to someone, and even if I have I`m so sorry – I`ll say sorry right away to you. If I knew I had left someone alone and not tried to get to know someone, I`d say sorry. But don`t worry, I don`t have to do that. I`ve tried to get to know 2-3 people and I succeed. Now I spend time with them whenever we have lessons together. Unlike you. That`s not what you call being selfish – that`s what you call being caring. 2-3 people might not seem that many to you, but if everyone was to do the same, that`d be more than enough. But what do you know?
Yes, I “complain” or whatever you`d like to call it. I “complain” about a class which doesn`t really care about me, which doesn`t really speak to me and which doesn`t treat me the same. Is that kindness? I`ve said this before and I`ll say it again: I don`t even want my classmates to be my friend, because I`m not the kind of person to have people who ignore and don`t really care about me as friends. I`m honest enough to say that. I don`t “complain” about not having any friends – I “complain” about the injustice, about the faking and pretending, about the lies, about the loneliness.
Have people tried? Does that mean for them to talk to me 5 times and not gave a damn the rest of the year? I had a nice time before leaving for Pakistan December 2014, but when I came back, I was the one who didn`t get any responce. (That`s how you actually write it. 😉 ) I don`t know what happened afterwards. The “spark” was gone, the talking was gone. What had been going on during my time in Pakistan? I still don`t know.
I don`t “choose” to be a victim, I don`t even want to be a victim. I never wanted to be a victim of bullying. If I wanted to, why the hell would I be “complaining” about it? Do you think I love being lonely? Why was I in the newspaper then? I don`t want anyone to be a victim of either bullying or loneliness. I don`t understand why any of you even bother commenting when you clearly don`t want to try to understand my situation? You`re not the one who have to sit alone 90 % of the time at school, you`re not the one who are ignored by your classmates 98 % of the time. If you have to be like me at school then come to me and we can talk about it. But I bet that`s not going to happen.
I know who`re nice to me at all and like I`ve mentioned before, it`s hard for me to sometimes understand what people want and why people do certain things. But according to you people don`t want to talk to me because of what I write on here – what`s your excuses for the first two years? I didn`t have this blog at that time. What happened before then? Haha, this blog is only an excuse now. And I don`t feel bad about that, because this place is my place and if you want to read my posts then do so and if you don`t, then you are allowed to get out of here. It`s up to you.
I do want people to feel sorry for me, not because I am in this situation, but because this is going on. This is real and it`s happening and it sucks big time. I want people to feel sorry for me because of what I have to go through. I want them to do something about it. Is that too much to ask for?
I`m not a social person? (How come you don`t know how to write shit properly..?) I don`t have many people to socialize with, but that doesn`t mean I`m not a social person. I just don`t always have someone to socialize with at school, which isn`t my fault. 😉 The problem isn`t necessarily that nobody wants to befriend me, but nobody really wants to treat me the same way they treat the rest. I wanted to be friends with people, I`m perhaps one of the easiest people to talk to considering I`m able to stand up and be honest enough in front of people and not behind them. So you`re dead wrong. I tried, I tried to tell how I really felt while you? You write shit to me on my blog, which says more about you than me.
I just want people to be nice and treat me good which is obviously too much to expect for now. Even if I`m a terrible person – can`t you be good enough to be nice?