WHY WOULD I HAVE WANTED TO SHOW UP?

Last Friday there was a ball organized by the “russe-system”. Here in Norway we celebrate graduating from high-school by being something called russ. I`m not a russ, because I don`t understand why I would want to be one + we celebrate before our exams which is pointless, in my opinion. That being said, I have nothing against a ball – I just don`t understand the whole “russe-system” behind it. Plus a ball would be better to organize at the end of the year, when everyone`s finished school and it`s finally summer.

As you perhaps can tell, I wasn`t there this Friday. Instead, I was at home, relaxing and watching TV with my mum. I was having a better time than I would of have had if I was there. Before the ball, I was told by some few to come and have fun. I thought about it, several times. They asked me if I was going to show up. I said no and thought for myself Why don`t they understand? Why don`t my classmates understand that I don`t want to show up, because of them? I`m a social person, I love talking and laughing with people. I`m not a quiet person at all, even though I might be quiet sometimes and only observe what`s going on. You can`t come here and tell me I don`t want to be with other people and socialize when you don`t even know me. Why didn`t I show up at Friday evening? The question is more Why would I want to come?

Why would I want to spend time with people who normally, at school ignore me, hardly ever talk to me, treat me unfairly and talk about me behind my back? Maybe I would`ve had a better time at this ball, maybe I missed something great but let`s face it: I don`t have a good time with my classmates or the rest of the people in VG3 (my year) so why would I want to show up at a ball all alone and stand in a corner and feel lonely? The chance of that happening was bigger than the chance of that not happening. I would`ve feel left out even before showing up. Is that what people want now? Yeah, I guess. I feel shitty so many times as a classmate because of those people and I didn`t want that to happen on an evening which is supposed to be a pleasant one.

There was a ball at the primary school too – I didn`t go there either. Partly because of my parents and partly because I didn`t want to either. I was bullied at that school so my situation now can`t be completely compared – but these people didn`t make my days any better. They ignored me, treated me unfairly and didn`t really want to be with me. And I`m actually glad I didn`t show up that evening either – the next day some girls were talking shit about each other and little me, who hadn`t even been there, was dragged into it before she even knew it and had to bear more drama.

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So to the people who wanted me to come: Learn how to treat me right at school first. Understand. Use your brain and common sense. Why on earth would I want to be on a ball with you guys when you don`t even treat me fair at school? Why would I want to be with people like you who treat me that way? I`d be there if I knew I was going to be respected, treated at the same level as the others and have a nice evening. Yeah, you never know if tomorrow`s going to be a great day or not, but I`m telling you I`ll be treated the same way tomorrow like I did 2 months ago and 2 days ago. Nothing`s going to change. That`s why a Friday night with peace and one of my favourite Indian shows was better.

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