HONESTY HAS BECOME RANTING

NB! If you`re one of those that can`t stand reading posts full of “negativity” and “complaining”, I softly recommend you to get out of here before you start complaining too. Thank you.

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Oh, God. Another one of those stupid posts full of ranting, shit, complaining, negativity.. You name it.

I think people forget I`m a human too, I have feelings too and what`s happening to me at school isn`t right at all.

I`ve had enough. People tell me I`m just a negative, attention-seeking drama queen who`s never happy. Yes, I`m lonely many days at school. And when I write posts full of “negativity and complaining” I do it because I`m just a human too. I`m happy, I smile, even I have enough sometimes, even I cry. Is that such a surprise? 90 % of the time I pretend like nothing, I smile, I help whoever needs help without blinking and I`m just me. But having enough is also a part of being me. I can`t put on a mask all the time. I can`t act like everything`s fine 24/7 because.. I`m a human too.

I`ve had enough. I`m tired of nobody doing much about my situation. Yes, now we`re finally going to give it another try, but that was after me walking up to them again. I had to try it on another level and finally, after more than a year, I finally had their attention. It`s a student`s responsibility to say if something`s wrong, but it`s also a teacher`s or the principle`s responsibility to not be blind, to care and to try their very best. The teacher`s in the classroom for many reasons – one of them is to make sure everything`s safe and sound. And how can things be alright when a student`s sitting alone time after time while everyone`s else is enjoying someone else`s company?

I could`ve done so much more, I could`ve exploded in the classroom, I could`ve said enough is enough, I could`ve told them face to face that what they`re doing isn`t fair or right at all. Yes, I do have Sara and Thea and now I spend 4 lessons with them + lunch whenever I can. Things get easier to handle because of them. But, my class is still 3STC. I have to spend most of the time with them, despite everything. Just because I have two friends from another class, doesn`t mean I don`t have any reason to feel sad about my situation. It doesn`t mean I`m not supposed to feel lonely when it`s time for history and gym. I feel less lonely at school because of my two friends, but that doesn`t make any of what`s happening to me, right at all. I still have the right to “complain”, I still have the right to say it as it is. I don`t “complain” because I can`t be thankful for those two friends I have now, I “complain” because I`m tired of people who`re fakers, who act like nothing, who don`t know how to treat people right and who act like someone`s air. Having friends doesn`t change my case and I`m still going to fight for my rights. It`s not going to hurt any less, because what`s wrong is wrong. There are many people out there who despite having friends, are bullied or feel lonely because of other people.

I`ve written many posts on my situation. I`ve told you guys many times how I feel lonely at school, how my classmates don`t treat me right and how I`m the black sheep at school. I started this blog because we were asked to by our English teacher, but I`ve kept this site so I can share my thoughts, raise my voice and help people out there. People who feel the same way or have felt the same way have contacted me because of this blog. Believe it or not. I write everything down to let it out, but I`m not ashamed to say that I look at this place as a way to reach out to people and help them. However, I don`t want to forget any of this. It`s pure honesty. I`d never ever make up such lies and if I was that kind of girl, I`d be lying about my friends too which isn`t the case. 😉

I`m so damn thankful for having those two friends. I know they`re real friends that will always be there for me, but that doesn`t mean my bad situation at school is completely gone. I could ignore everything but I`m not the kind of person to do that. I care too much and if something`s wrong happening, I can`t act like nothing. I`m still being ignored, left out, not appreciated and now people think the solution is for me to get out of the school. Aren`t those things normal things to be sad about? Being open about loneliness and bullying is for many really hard, and I understand why! Honesty doesn`t seem to be that appreciated anymore. Yesterday I published a post about a nice day I had with Sara and Thea, and many people clicked “like”. I`m not a person at all to care about likes because I know many people read my posts without liking them, but instead of getting “likes” on ranting posts I get comments that I don`t appreciate.. This is just a thought – I`m sure many have experienced this. Everything needs to be perfect and fine – everything else is only attention-seeking and some shit!

Honesty has become ranting and complaining, unfortunately. If people have any problem with what I write on here, they can easily stop bothering themselves by closing this tab or by changing their behaviour or attitude.

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