MAYBE IT IS ALL UP TO ME

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Telling them doesn`t matter, they don`t do anything anyways.

Those words are stuck in my head. When I read them, I didn`t want them to be true, I didn`t want them to appear in front of me. But they did. Why else would a 13-years-old boy want to end his own life?

I walk down the street. It`s raining. And I`m thinking. I`m thinking about how to create some changes, how can I raise my voice for the millions of children who`re using the same shoes as me?

Because damn it, my school keeps irritating me so much. Great, I have a school to go to Monday-Friday, I learn something new every day and I have some great teachers. And I know some few of them actually care, I`ve seen it in their eyes, I`ve seen how some few really are passionated about the subject. But all our lives we`re told to let grown-ups know when we`re not okay, when someone`s being mean to us. We`re told to give the teachers feedback, so they can improve the lessons and the work. And when I`ve done that, I`ve not received even half of the help I deserve. So do the teachers care? I`m not so sure anymore.

Last school year I sent the principle a honest letter where I told him how I and other students are lonely. He asked me to talk to him and so we did. Afterwards we organised a room where whoever`s lonely can show up. I showed up there, along with 4-6 other students. Some weeks later, I stopped being there. Why? I felt lonely when I was there.

More than 2 months passed. The clock kept ticking, the days passed by and I had the urge to do something a little crazier. I spent perhaps less than one minute sending it to Aftenposten, one of the biggest newspapers. They wanted to publish it. Some time later they called me. I remember I was out of my mind, I started dancing around and screamed. Little me was so happy. Not many days later I had a speech at my school. I should`ve seen it coming.

Because everything`s my fault. I`m the black sheep here, I`m someone who`re never satisfied, I`m a fussy person. BUT let`s for once, focus on something else going on at school.

Last school year I sent one of the teachers a message where I told her I`ve seen people cheating during our test of terms. I`ve seen it happen more than once. Damn it, how can teachers be so blind? Some students even play car games. Are you kidding me? Mature, much. Anyways, the teacher told me I did a great job telling her and she`ll talk the other teachers. Did she? I have no idea, but more than one year later, people are still cheating. And since I`m such a liar here, other students have observed the very same. So I`m not the only one “complaining”

Or let`s be a little picky about the lessons. Many students use their laptops or phones during the lessons. The excuse is “We need it to take notes.” Notes, my foot. Thank God I`m not blind. And I`m sure someone`s going to tell me I shouldn`t be talking about something I don`t know anything, BUT I know teachers have a huge responsibility. They`re in the classroom to take care of us, to see us and be there for us. They`re supposed to be like friends to us. Many teachers here give up and let the students use the laptop every single lesson. If the internet`s blocked for some reason, it`s almost like there`s a ruckuss going on in some student`s minds. It`s okay if the teachers don`t fulfill their duties as long as they have wifi. Nobody dares to open their mouths, the principle`s believes the surveries are proof of a good environment at school. The teachers aren`t even doing anything about something as little as this.

But I`ve opened my mouth. So? Haha, it doesn`t matter because they don`t do anything anyways. All our lives we`re told by teachers and principles all over the country that they can only help us if they know what`s going on. But Odin and his family didn`t receive much help and so haven`t I. This is why I`ve almost stopped trusting the principle and the teachers. I`ve started to believe it`s all up to me, in spite of knowing not many support me. I told, with a honest and decent voice how I wasn`t okay at school and how I felt lonely. But perhaps they couldn`t hear me.

It`s still raining. And I`m even more pissed off.

 

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5 thoughts on “MAYBE IT IS ALL UP TO ME

  1. I really like to read your thoughts on such interesting matters! I’m sorry to learn that things are that bad in your school, it’s sad that the teachers have given up.. but please, don’t stop trying to change what seems wrong to you! I admire your will to stand up for what you believe in and hope that nothing will take it from you.
    I was wondering in which country you live? in the US?
    take care! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. aw, I’m glad to hear that, also that you’re not willing to give up! you sound like a fighter 🙂 haha after reading some more of your posts I realised that too – that’s so cool! 😀 love and hugs from Switzerland! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

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