TOLD YOU I AM WEIRD

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I`m a weird person.

I can meet someone once and still remember them 3 years later.

I went to the same school for seven years – from 1st to 7th grade. I spent seven years of my life in that school. Yeah, the bullying was worst there and I have many bad memories from there. But as you guys perhaps already know, I don`t hate the bullies. Nor do I hate the teachers or the principle that believed it was no big deal. I hate what those people did to me and I hope they feel shameful and have learnt something.

But despite everything, I still think of the bullies, the teachers, the principle. And I wonder how they are and what they`re up to in life. You`ll probably say it`s a waste of time and I have no answer to that. I really don`t. I just know that I care about people, even if they don`t care about me.

Yesterday I looked up the primary school I went to and found two of the teachers that I had whom  are still working there. One of them was someone I really adored as a little kid and the other one was someone I wasn`t a fond of. But I find it amusing. How the school still exists and how it feels like ages since last time and how time has passed by and some people still physically are where they used to be. How some things never change and how I`ve moved away twice and how the teachers don`t know what I`m up to. It`s amusing how it feels like I`m decades away.

Told you I`m weird.

Then I thought of myself – do they ever wonder about me? Did they recognise me when they saw me in the newspaper? Did they even read about me in the newspaper? What were they thinking? I don`t really know. But it makes me wonder.

It`s crazy how six years have almost passed by. It feels like I`m not the person they used to know at that moment anymore. I`m a young woman now. I feel like I`ve moved on even though I haven`t, because I moved away and didn`t let many of them know. I was about to say they perhaps don`t care, but what do I know about that? I wonder if they ever miss me.

I think the most interesting and “happy” part is the person I am today compared to the person I was 6-7 years ago. If the teachers saw me now, they`d maybe be surprised. I was the girl who cried in front of them, because the bullies weren`t letting me live a peaceful life. I was that girl whom many thought was weak, that girl whom people laughed at. And now? I`ve gained so much more respect than, I`m independent and I`ve become so strong.

Maybe that`s why I don`t hate my primary school.

It`s crazy how fast life changes. It`s sad and wonderful how we human beings can feel devastated for some time, but if we actually put some effort and time into our thinking patterns, we`ll realise the pain won`t last forever. My God, I want to write a post about that too. Maybe I will one day. So you guys too can understand that it is possible to build yourself up and become strong one day, no matter what you had to go through in your past. It`s possible to learn from your past and use it in order to grow up and become that someone people around you used to tell you that you`ll never become.

It`s also possible to write a whole blogpost, just for you to end up questioning yourself: What`s the point of this post? Well, don`t ask me. It is for once good to write down my thoughts without any filter.

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