My plan was to not post today but I just HAVE to.
The past weeks, yeah, even months, I`ve been having the need to distance myself from people. I`ve deactivated Facebook sometimes because some people are full of drama. I don`t really want to talk to 90 % of the people I know, because they keep disappointing me. I don`t consider many as my friend, simply because not everyone I knew supports me, is there for me and is kind to me.
I know people are going to hate on me for this. But the truth is the truth. I can`t even talk about my feelings and thoughts without being rejected and told I`m a drama queen. I`m the drama queen. I always start shit, I talk about kindness and honesty while I`m never kind myself. I don`t believe I`m the most perfect human being on earth, but I do know I`m kind and so it hurts to know that people I thought I at least knew, would say things like that about me.
I don`t have much respect for people who are able to watch someone being treated unfairly. I barely have anything left for them. Unfortunately, I`ve met many of those too. They`ll never admit it, though. They`ll never admit what they did was wrong – but hey, if your so called friend is being told nasty and mean things, wouldn`t you try to stop it? Or does a friend let those kind of things happen without interfering?
Yesterday I was in a group chat on Twitter. We were all Muslims. I was on one side, everyone else was on the other side. I had different opinions on something and guess what happened? They threw me out because I had my own unique opinions. What hurted the most was that there was someone, whom consider me as her friend, in the group too. She just let it happen and hasn`t bothered talking to me about it. She hasn`t really talked to me at all.
No wonder why I don`t want to talk to 90 % of the people I know.
People tell you you`re their friends. But when the time is right to care or be there for me, most of them abandon me and make up excuses. I get it once, I get it twice, but all the time? Meh. I`m exhausted.
Thank God I have some few people whom I know I can message whenever I want to, just to let things out. Those are people who know the REAL me and actually do freaking care about me. They know where I come from and they know who I am. They`re the ones worth it – not those who message me once a year to get something from me or those who say they care but don`t show it. Guess what? Actions speak louder.
Phew. I`ll write more about it later but for now: It was good to let this out.