I don`t know where to even begin. The past months haven`t been my best months – August and September went quite well, but when October came I felt emptier. Things weren`t always okay and I guess that kind of explains why I haven`t been blogging as much as I used to. I tried so many times to write something, but usually I`d close the tab or end up writing drafts.
I still don`t know where to begin.
My grandmother is dead.
I don`t know what else to say about it. Or actually I do, but I don`t know where to begin. She`s just gone and I don`t understand how or why.
I KNOW so damn well that at times like these, I need to remind myself that even though it feels like it`s the end of the world, it`s not the end of the world. It`s NOT the end of the world. It`s hard to tell myself that when I end up thinking negatively. It`s hard during times like these. My grandmother`s gone and it`s crazy weird and sad how I have to get used to not having her in my life, when I`ve known her all my life. She was there when I was born and I was there when she died. I don`t get to sleep neither do I want to sleep these days. Last night I asked myself how I`m going to teach myself that I need to get used to not find her in her house, I need to get used to not have anyone to visit at the hospital and I need to get used to not have a grandmother.
There are other things that suck as well and I really need to convince myself that it`s not the end of the world. Life`s not over, it goes on. Time never stops up for anyone. Thank God my Christmas vacation is long – I need to gather myself, structure my days and be the girl I know I am and can be.
I hope everyone`s okay. Please take care of each other and be kind to one another. See ya`ll soon.