THOUGHTS

I passed the test  and my vacation started the 1st of June. It`s unbelieveable. That unbelieveable, that now I`m asking myself what I am to do. What do I do now? I have two and a half months to do whatever I want to. I can`t waste it just like that, I need to do something meaningful. I can`t get up late every day, I can`t spend the days watching TV or my favourite serials. I need to be productive. So? I`m going to do some studying. I`m going to do 4 courses next semester, so I need to hang in there. I`m also going to read a lot of books – I borrowed and ordered several books from the library during my exams, that I wanted to read but told myself to wait for the exams to finish. I`ve already started reading and I can`t wait to find out what I am to learn this summer.

I needed a short break. My mind has been everywhere and I`m such a confusing person. My mind will be in Tokyo one hour and the next in Paris. You get it. For instance – I was so sure I wanted to do history as a minor, but two days ago I had no idea and looked up all the choices I had. Don`t you think I got even more confused? I still don`t exactly know, so I ended up applying for only the courses I`m going to do for Anthropology.

What else have been going on? I`ve been losing faith in humanity. Again and again. Some days ago London happened to be victim of terror. How can someone do that? I see the hate in the comment sections, I see how we discuss everything and nothing up and down and yet we have no answers. So many of the discussions we had many years ago, are discussions we`re still having and it`s as if we keep going and going, but we don`t know where we`re going. One evening I was exhausted due to that, that I told myself I don`t like humans. In one way that`s true, because you never know what they might end up doing one day.

I`ve also been thinking about my grandmother and how she died. Or how she ended up leaving me, leaving us. She didn`t give us a warning. The doctors did say we should start preparing ourselves for the end, but I didn`t want to believe them because miracles do happen. I prayed for a miracle to happen, but it never happened. All of a sudden she was dead. Maybe it wasn`t something that happened suddenly. All I know is that I really miss her and I wish she was here.

God, I really don`t know what`s the point with this post, but I wanted to let it out. I know way too many bloggers who have a positive blog all the way and act like life`s perfect. I know some people prefer to read blogs that give them motivation and inspiration, but what`s inspirational to me, are people who show all aspects of life. Who don`t mind being personal and saying “hey, I`m having a very bad day”. I guess that`s what this is. A post in which I`m trying to say that my mind`s been a mess and there have been moments where I didn`t know what to do, but that`s life. I know I`ll be okay soon enough, if not now.

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IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT

OKAY, GUYS!!!!!!!

I`m going to AMSTERDAM!! Yep, you heard right. After so many years, I`m finally going. AH, I`m SO HAPPY!!! For so long I had to act like nothing. I`ve been waiting for so long, I`ve been quiet for so long, I`ve been shouting for so long, but most of all I`ve been dreaming. All along I`ve known my dreams don`t mean that much to some people around me. But now? Now I`m freaking going to Amsterdam and I`m going to the Anne Frank House.

I`m SO EXCITED! Talk about time, really. After all this year, I`m off to The Netherlands. In 6th grade we were supposed to write a little about every country the school`s students represented. I wrote about the Netherlands. We had a paper for each country, and on it we had some few lines to write about the country, we draw and coloured the map, we marked its location on a little map and draw something that the country is known for. The paper has been with me ever since. Right now it`s on the wall. God knows why. Maybe it was the sign of my dreams.

For as long as I can remember I`ve looked up to Anne Frank, I`ve been inspired by her and I`ve ordered books about her from God-knows-where. So it`s really about time. This is a big thing for me and I`m enchanted. Imagine being where she once used to be.

And let`s not forget that dreams do come true. I`ve been waiting for so long and sometimes it seemed hopeless, but very soon I`ll be on the plane, on my way to Amsterdam and nobody can stop me. Because you know what they say? Great things take time and great things happen at the right time.

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PS: Great news to start this month with! I mean, you-know-who has birthday in June, so… 😉

WE ACT LIKE WE KNOW PEOPLE

It`s the 13th of May and the grand final of Eurovision Song Contest is over. Oh, wait, it`s past midnight. It`s the 14th of May. I`m sitting on the couch, reading the news on how Portugal has won. I`m disappointed and therefore, I`m trying to seek for answers. Why did Portugal win? Why did people vote for Salvador Sobral and his song? And now as the grand final is over, what am I to do now? I feel like the excitement I had build up, all of a sudden is over and I don`t know what to do.

Suddenly my eyes notice a title. “Defied heartproblems and won Eurovision Song Contest”. “What?” was my first thought. I clicked on the article and read it. Salvador has, according to the article, heartproblems. Due to that, the doctors refused to let Sobral participate in all the rehearsals. Therefore, his sister Luísa Sobral, whom wrote the song, replaced him for some time in Kyev. Salvador needs a heart and according to his doctor, he won`t be able to make it to 2018 if he doesn`t get one soon.

I`m shocked and devastated. All of a sudden I`m happy for Salvador. I only feel a little disappointed, but I`m proud and happy. Proud because Salvador is such a humble human being who`s not afraid to speak his mind. But I`m also devastated. I start crying. He`ll die if he doesn`t get a new heart.

I put away the laptop. Don`t want to brush my teeth. All I can do is think. Think about sad and crazy it is that there are so many things we don`t notice in life, when it comes to other people. There Salvador was singing on a beautiful stage and I had no idea he was ill. I pray for him – I hope he gets a heart very soon. I don`t know when, but somehow I fall asleep.

The next morning I read the news and they`ve changed the title of the article. It turns out it was all a rumour – Sobral had a hernia surgery some time ago and is still recovering from that. I thank God, I`m so happy.

But I can`t help but think of how weird life is. Some of us think we know everything about a person by meeting them only once. We think we know all that there is to know and judge each other. We act like we really do know each other. Even though Salvador`s health condition isn`t as serious as I first thought it was, I can`t help but think how we don`t show as much love and peace as we talk about. We believe we understand more than we actually, while we forget everyone`s been through something they don`t talk about. Everyone has their stories, their secrets and their baggage. Always keep in mind there are so many things we go around holding, but don`t say a word about. We don`t always know how a person`s feeling deep down. Always remember that nobody`s life is perfect.

 

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THIS WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL MESS

Yesterday I felt too tired to share what I had planned to write about. Therefore I posted a part of a song that I listen to every day, that describes how I feel and that is so close to my heart. Manchester, teror, people.. you get it. It`s that time of the month where I`m tired of most human beings, I don`t feel like I can actually trust anyone, apart from some few that are close to my heart and I want to travel to a huge city all alone and stay there for two weeks.

Because you know this world is a mad world when a little girl can`t go to a concert and have fun, without being killed.

It`s crazy that we live in a world where there are people with sick values around you, and you don`t even know. I wonder why the terrorist did what he did – what convinced him that killing other people was the right thing to do? What made him kill innocent, little kids? And how does he feel now? How does it feel to know you have taken 22 lives and hurted millions? God, these questions make me angry, but I also feel sad on behalf of their families, their friends and everyone who knew them. I feel sad on behalf of us as a society, as a community and I feel sad on behalf of this world. This isn`t the first time and this won`t be the last time.

We keep on moving and we keep on living. And then something like this will occur again. Most of us will stop up for some time and think of love and humanity. Many will wonder where the love is. We`ll talk about how it`s important to show respect and love to people around us, we`ll talk about thankfulness and peace, but where is the love? Where is the humanity we talk so much about, at times like these? We ask ourselves how someone can become a terrorist, and at the same time most of us don`t even bother to care enough about the beggar or the girl at school who`re being bullied.

When I think of this and so much more, I can`t help but feel sad and helpless. I want to see more of the love we talk about, I want people to care more and I want us to act like humans towards everyone – no matter who they are, where they come from or what they`ve got in their baggage. But maybe this all is too much to expect, because after all we live in a beautiful mess. We live in a beautiful mess called “world”. We`ll be nice to each other and we`ll kill each other and that`s unfortunately just how it is.

Good night. 

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I HOPE YOU KNOW

Yesterday I didn’t only celebrate Norway’s birthday, but I also celebrated (at least in my own mind) my grandmother`s birthday.

I remember when she proudly told me her birthday is the 17th of May. “Everyone in Norway celebratesmy birthday”, she said and laughed while her whole body shook. We laughed, I laughed too, but I was a little skeptical. ” Is that so because she doesn`t know when her birthday actually is?” I thought for myself. I didn’t say it out loud, but continued to celebrate her birthday. I baked an apple cake, even though she had diabetes and obesity. I wrote a card to her, even though she couldn’t read.

I never thought that I, after such a short time, would have to celebrate 17th May without a grandmother less.

So dear Nana, I hope you’re well and that you miss us, because I miss you. And just so you know: all of Norway celebrated your birthday yesterday.

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LIFE

1st May. Exams. Writing. Reading Concentration.

I tell myself I`ll do just fine, but then I remember how huge the syllabus is.

God knows who had the time to put it together.

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So many events are coming up, but I can`t and don`t want to go because of exams.

Oh, right. Concentration. For another 30 minutes.

“I wonder if grandmother knew she was dying”. 

“Focus, Anne. Focus!” Another 30 minutes pass by.

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Maybe I should check the news. Maybe there`s something interesting happening on the other side of the world.

Or maybe I should clean my room.

Or maybe I should enjoy this time, enjoy revision and enjoy learning.

I am, but I also can`t wait for summer and vacation.

Why do we always seem to be waiting for something?

GET TO KNOW ME

                                                      Hope you enjoy this post as much as I enjoyed writing it. 🙂


  1. Are you named after anyone? Nope, but my parents were inspired by the Quran when they named me.
  2. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday.
  3. Do you have kids? No, I have enough to do with myself right now!
  4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? I hope so, but it also depends on what kind of person I would`ve been. 🙂
  5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? Not a lot, but sometimes, yeah.
  6. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Usually the eyes, mouth or the hair.
  7. What is your eye color? Brown.
  8. Scary movie or happy endings? Definetely happy endings. Scary movies don`t seem to be my thing so far, but I should try them out too, because I can`t seem to remember when was the last time I watched one!
  9. Favorite smells? The list`s long, but here are some things: A new book, freshly baked croissant, after it`s rained and fresh laundry.
  10. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Pakistan. The furthest I`ve been from home without my family is the Czech Republic – I was there with my class in 2012. Fun times! DSC_1430                                   Here are some postcards I bought on the trip.
  11. Do you have any special talents? Not that I can think of – I have my talents, but they`re not “special”.
  12. Where were you born? Oslo, Norway. My hometown!
  13. What are your hobbies? Mainly reading and writing. Also, I love history and
  14. Do you have any pets? No, sadly. I`ve always wanted a cat.
  15. Do you have any siblings? Yes, a younger brother.
  16. What do you want to be when you grow up? A writer, maybe even a journalist. And a good human being. 🙂
  17. Who was your first best friend? I don`t think I`ve ever really had any best friends – only good friends.
  18. How tall are you? 1,70 m (About 5,57 feet). I used to look upon myself as very tall when I was in primary school as I was one of the tallest ones in my class, but eventually I realised I`m not that tall, haha.
  19. When did you wake up today? Ca. 7.30 AM. Some days it`s hard for me to get up earlier, so I sleep as much as I can and get up when I know I have to, haha. I love sleeping while I`m sleeping.
  20. How many countries have you visited? Seven, which is not many at all. How sad?! I`ve been to a little more, if you consider staying at the airport as visiting a country, though, but I`d say that`s cheating.
  21. What was your favorite/worst subject in High School? Maths – especially in 11th grade!
  22. What is your favorite drink? Animal? Perfume? Favorite drink: milkshake. Animal: Cat. Perfume: I don`t use any perfumes.
  23. What would you (or have you) name your children? I don`t have any names ready, but maybe Michael, if it`s a boy? Or maybe even Ann, if it`s a girl? I really don`t know, though. There are way too many great names out there.
  24. What Sports do you play/Have you played? I played handball, but only for about six months. It was not my thing!
  25. What phone do you have? (iOS v Android?) None of them – I have a very old Samsung phone. I don`t feel like I need a proper smartphone yet and I`m glad my telephone doesn`t take too much of my time.