TO FATHERS WITH DAUGHTERS

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Something more fathers should read and realize.
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ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

Last weekend I got to know Salvador Sobral is admitted at the hospital. Several newspapers have been reporting that he was rushed to intensive care. He awaits an emergency heart transplantion.

All I want to say (or scream) now to the all the people who accused him for “advertising” his bad health condition to win Eurovision Song Contest 2017 is: are you happy now? I want to ask everyone who said he`s mentally sick, he`s a joke and called him bad names: would you say the same to him if you went to visit him at the hospital? Does everyone who said he bribed his place, still believe so?

Some of the things people wrote:

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I felt so bad when I read the news. He posted a video on Youtube, saying he`s saying bye to his career for now and needs to focus on his health. That made me so sad and I hope he gets well very soon. I hope all the haters stop and realise whatever they said about his health condition was wrong. Why would someone, who`s waiting for someone to donate their heart, fake it?

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LIFE AND BOOKS

Yesterday wasn`t the best day, especially the afternoon wasn`t as good as I had hoped for. Sometimes the “reality” hits me and let`s just say I get a little too scared. It doesn`t take much for me to sometimes think I`m going to die, haha… My mind gets carried away easily those times, which is very annoying for me, but I guess it is what it is.

Coming home usually does me good, which was the case yesterday too. I`m not really enjoying my time at school these days, as in I can`t wait to get home, wear a comfy hoodie and do what I want to do. Also, recently I`ve been reading quite great books! I finished the first two books of Zoe Sugg`s series, and while I`m waiting for the third one to arrive at the library, I`ve been reading Souad`s “burned alive” and right now I`m reading a Norwegian book called “I morgen vi ler.” I`m going to try and finish it tonight, there are so many great books waiting for me and I can`t wait to read them.

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But before that, I need to clean up a little. Meanwhile, do you guys have any book recommendations? I like everything but action, horror and thriller!

THEY SCREAM SO LOUD, BUT NO ONE HEARS A THING

I`m thinking of all the people, especially women, we`re not able to hear. Of all the women, who are objects of social control every single day. Of all the women who`re screaming under water. They read articles, they read what we, who`re more privileged, say and I`m sure some notice how we`re more interested in fighting each other, instead of focusing on helping these people. I can feel their helplessness. They are so many and yet, we barely hear them. Maybe it`s because we fight too much, or maybe it`s because their screams aren`t able to reach us. Maybe it`s because the worst things happen behind locked doors. I`m thinking of these people who have written something in the media about extremism, social culture or honour culture and therefore have been brought to silence. They have met their sanctions, they`ve disappointed their parents, their family and are therefore told to not speak up anymore. Since they`ve brought shame on your family, they need to shut up.

Can we, if not for our own sake then their sake, give them some attention?

I can assure you there`s a girl out there, that`s crying herself to sleep because she can`t do what she wants to do. It`s not like her parents, her family or her friends always directly tell her she can`t wear a t-shirt or a short skirt, or that she`s not allowed to hang out with boys. Of course these were things she was taught when she was still a little girl, but now she knows these things by heart. She knows what she should do and not and therefore, she stops herself many of the times from doing everything she wants. Whether it`s writing an article in the local newspaper or it`s wearing the sleeveless dress she`s hid inside her wardrobe. Because what`ll happen if she doesn`t follow the rules of the game? She`ll bring shame on her family, she`ll disappoint people she loves and that way, she`ll end up disappointing herself.

They know how to play with her conscience and they know how to make her push the right buttons.

It frustrates me how the more “privileged” ones act like these things are okay. Or they act like not many are living with such circumstances. Many of us don`t notice the silent girls, the girls that are too scared to share whatever`s on their mind because they know very well that`ll cause them trouble. WHY don`t we help these girls more?? There are so so many girls out there, who`re afraid. Afraid to live their own lives the way they want to, afraid to go out late at night, afraid to fall in love with “the wrong boy”, afraid to dress in an inappropiate way. Maybe a friend of her mum will see her with a boy and call her mum to share the “latest news.” Or maybe one of the taxi drivers will catch her and let her dad know what she`s doing 12 am in the city. There`s always someone stalking you and making sure you follow the social rules and norms, and these women (and men, of course) have to be careful or else it can go very, very wrong.

We`ve already seen that. Women have been burned alive for falling in love with the “wrong guy”, for doing something they tought was right. Zeenat Rafique, 18, was strangled and set alight by her mother and brother in June 2016 after she eloped against their wishes. Jer mother and brother tied her to a bed, poured gasoline and set her on fire. What about Souad`s brother who killed his own sister with a telephone cord? Or what about all the mothers who kill their baby girls right after giving birth to them, simply because they are girls? Women have been killed in the name of “honour”, they have been killed by families who wanted to make their daughters shut up forever. We don`t hear that much about the men who suffering, but they exist too. Many men are married to women they don`t love and they are victims of a shame culture too. I could mention many more horrible consequences many human beings who don`t follow the rules the family or the community has set, have to live according to on a daily basis, but we talk more about the “worst things” than everything that happens in silence or the things we barely notice.

We barely hear about the girls and boys that are suffering in silence. They don`t let anyone know what kind of life they`re living. Many live double-lives, because that`s easier, in many ways. You can be who they want to be in “another world.” Many are locked up inside, but act like nothing. Letting anyone know, would be shameful. People shouldn`t know. God, it makes me sad to think of all the girls and boys that have no wings and aren`t allowed to be free. They suffer in silence, they can`t satisfy their own expectations and needs.

And instead of focusing on these people and giving them attention and love, way too many of us focus on how people who point these problems out, are racists or hate Muslims. Some of us even ignore it all, we act like these things barely happen and that the real problems lie somewhere else. I`m sure victims of social control would appreciate it if the privileged ones saw them and cared about them way more. I`m sure they`d appreciate a helping hand, I`m sure they`d be more than happy to know some of us, who`re more privileged, are spending some of our lives to help them live the life they`ve always imagined for themselves, and replace control and fear, with dreams, hope and love. I know they`d be thankful if we saved them from drowning.

 

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AM I HAPPY WITH MY STUDY?

If you`ve followed me for some time, you`d know I`m currently studying social anthropology. Basicly we learn about the comparative diversity of societies and cultures around the world. Some topics we`ve had are economics, religion, symbols, gender, politics and kinship. I`ve learned a lot and even though not all courses are fun, it`s great to learn more about the big, big world we live in.

However, I applied for a bachelor in history before summer. I love history and I just love learning about the second world war. Many times during the lectures last year I asked myself why I`m studying social anthropology. It`s not that it`s plain boring – I just don`t feel satisfied and I don`t know if that`s normal. When I applied for the university, I applied for 9 different studies. It goes without saying I`m interested in a lot, so when I was supposed to pick my minor (let`s call it that) this summer, I found it so hard to just choose one and go with it. I went through psychology, Dutch, sociology, art history, gender studies… you get it. I ended up with history, though. I`ve pretty much enjoyed it so far, but to be honest: I`m still wondering whether I made the right decision or not, because I like social anthropology, but I don`t love it. Like I just said, I don`t know if that`s normal.

I`ve asked myself so many times if I should change my direction or not. I feel like I`m still studying social anthropology because I`m too scared to change path right now, but at the same time – it`s not like I`m absolutely not enjoying my current study. On the other hand, I really don`t want to waste time and do what I want to do right away. To be honest, I`m a little scared of what the future holds for me. Whenever people say “oh, so you`re studying social anthroopology? What are you going to use it for?”, I don`t really know what to say. But in my mind? In my mind I can imagine what I want to be like in the future. I want to be a strong, independent and kind woman. I want to be free, I want to be me.

One day I want to travel and actually see the world. Meet people, learn languages, get to know different cultures and understand phenomena. Social anthropology will definetely come in handy then, but is this what I really want to do? I`m not sure, which really annoyes me. Some people think I have it figured out – I don`t. Yeah, I know I want to be an author, but besides that, I don`t know. Oh, there are way too many “I-don`t-knows” in life. If you`ve just joined university and feel like everyone else knows what they`re doing but you, then you`re wrong. I`m doing my second year in a BA and I`m not sure about what I want to work with (apart from writing, of course). I don`t even know if I`m doing what I should be doing, haha, but that`s okay. I`m going somewhere and many times it takes time to know what you want to do. I`ll stumble, I`ll fall, but I`m going somewhere.

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//source:  here

 

CELEBRATING 20

On Sunday I celebrated my birthday with Sara and Thea. Unfortunately Sara wasn`t feeling that well, but we still had a good day. ♥ I`m so glad I got to know them in the psychology glasses in high-school and that we`ve been in touch ever since. They gave me a card they had made on their own and cinema tickets. There`s this movie I`ve been wanting to watch for a while now, so we`re going to the cinema in some weeks, hopefully. Thea also made some cookies (she`s going to be a great housewife one day, haha) and in the evening we played this fun game. I wish I and my family did more of that, board games are so fun!

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I`m grateful for having two friends that care about me and wanted to celebrate my birthday. It`s weird to think of where I used to be some years ago and where I am now.. Don`t worry too much if you`re reading this, are lonely and don`t have any friends. One day you`ll find amazing people and you`ll call them friends, just like I did. 🙂