THOUGHTS

I passed the test  and my vacation started the 1st of June. It`s unbelieveable. That unbelieveable, that now I`m asking myself what I am to do. What do I do now? I have two and a half months to do whatever I want to. I can`t waste it just like that, I need to do something meaningful. I can`t get up late every day, I can`t spend the days watching TV or my favourite serials. I need to be productive. So? I`m going to do some studying. I`m going to do 4 courses next semester, so I need to hang in there. I`m also going to read a lot of books – I borrowed and ordered several books from the library during my exams, that I wanted to read but told myself to wait for the exams to finish. I`ve already started reading and I can`t wait to find out what I am to learn this summer.

I needed a short break. My mind has been everywhere and I`m such a confusing person. My mind will be in Tokyo one hour and the next in Paris. You get it. For instance – I was so sure I wanted to do history as a minor, but two days ago I had no idea and looked up all the choices I had. Don`t you think I got even more confused? I still don`t exactly know, so I ended up applying for only the courses I`m going to do for Anthropology.

What else have been going on? I`ve been losing faith in humanity. Again and again. Some days ago London happened to be victim of terror. How can someone do that? I see the hate in the comment sections, I see how we discuss everything and nothing up and down and yet we have no answers. So many of the discussions we had many years ago, are discussions we`re still having and it`s as if we keep going and going, but we don`t know where we`re going. One evening I was exhausted due to that, that I told myself I don`t like humans. In one way that`s true, because you never know what they might end up doing one day.

I`ve also been thinking about my grandmother and how she died. Or how she ended up leaving me, leaving us. She didn`t give us a warning. The doctors did say we should start preparing ourselves for the end, but I didn`t want to believe them because miracles do happen. I prayed for a miracle to happen, but it never happened. All of a sudden she was dead. Maybe it wasn`t something that happened suddenly. All I know is that I really miss her and I wish she was here.

God, I really don`t know what`s the point with this post, but I wanted to let it out. I know way too many bloggers who have a positive blog all the way and act like life`s perfect. I know some people prefer to read blogs that give them motivation and inspiration, but what`s inspirational to me, are people who show all aspects of life. Who don`t mind being personal and saying “hey, I`m having a very bad day”. I guess that`s what this is. A post in which I`m trying to say that my mind`s been a mess and there have been moments where I didn`t know what to do, but that`s life. I know I`ll be okay soon enough, if not now.

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IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT

OKAY, GUYS!!!!!!!

I`m going to AMSTERDAM!! Yep, you heard right. After so many years, I`m finally going. AH, I`m SO HAPPY!!! For so long I had to act like nothing. I`ve been waiting for so long, I`ve been quiet for so long, I`ve been shouting for so long, but most of all I`ve been dreaming. All along I`ve known my dreams don`t mean that much to some people around me. But now? Now I`m freaking going to Amsterdam and I`m going to the Anne Frank House.

I`m SO EXCITED! Talk about time, really. After all this year, I`m off to The Netherlands. In 6th grade we were supposed to write a little about every country the school`s students represented. I wrote about the Netherlands. We had a paper for each country, and on it we had some few lines to write about the country, we draw and coloured the map, we marked its location on a little map and draw something that the country is known for. The paper has been with me ever since. Right now it`s on the wall. God knows why. Maybe it was the sign of my dreams.

For as long as I can remember I`ve looked up to Anne Frank, I`ve been inspired by her and I`ve ordered books about her from God-knows-where. So it`s really about time. This is a big thing for me and I`m enchanted. Imagine being where she once used to be.

And let`s not forget that dreams do come true. I`ve been waiting for so long and sometimes it seemed hopeless, but very soon I`ll be on the plane, on my way to Amsterdam and nobody can stop me. Because you know what they say? Great things take time and great things happen at the right time.

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PS: Great news to start this month with! I mean, you-know-who has birthday in June, so… 😉

THIS IS HOW MY EXAM WENT

HEY GUYS! I`m done with anthropology for this semester! Imagine that? Now that I`ve finished, I realise the worst part is waiting for the result – not writing exams.

Well, how`d it go? Let me tell you. First things first: I slept about 3 hours tonight, woke up 5 to do some more revision and was out of the house 7. I reached the examination hall about an hour before, so I read like crazy while I could. 5 minutes can be very productive – just saying.

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When you`re waiting for the teacher to barge in and say the exams have been cancelled – at least that`s what Dumbledore did…

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About half past eight it was time to walk in and it became more nerve-wrecking. What are the exam questions?! And will it be like last year, when they wanted us to answer 3 of 5 questions? The clock was ticking and we logged into the computers. Yeah, you heard right. I had my exam today digitally and it was 5 hours long. Lucky me, I know. Even though I`d have nothing against writing by hand.

The exam started nine o clock, and exactly at time the exam paper was available. This was me when I clicked “open the exam”..

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The questions weren`t that bad, so I calmed down and tried to stay focus.

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But I`m not the kind of person who can focus 100 % for a long period of time on tests of exams, so of course I looked here and there, to know what everyone else around me was up to, haha. I handed in my answer ca. one minute before the time was over. I didn`t want to, I felt like something (=everything) was missing and this meme describes how I felt that moment…

Bilderesultat for exam funny memeSince we`re already on it – here are some more memes! Because why not? They are hilarious and way too true, haha. Do let me know if you can relate to any of these! I know I can 😉

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I think I did well today, but like always I realise there are so many things I forgot that might have been of importance. Note to myself for next semester: Waiting for the results is worse than having exams.

Oh, well. I`ve finished my exams and all I`ve got left now is that test I mentioned in last post. Hopefully I`ll pass. Wish me good luck! Vacation is just around the corner.

WE CAN DO THIS

Okay guys, so some time ago I had this test in a course I`m taking this semester, and since I had one mistake too much, I didn`t pass. Don`t you think that was disappointing?! The teacher told us that those who dìdn`t pass the first test, have to take a second one in the beginning of Juny. Well, I got an e-mail yesterday. I`ll be taking the second test is 1st of Juny – the day after my last exam. My reaction was something like this…

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I wish this was a joke. As if I`m not enough worried about this exam, I have to go straight to the library after the exam and revise like crazy..

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… because if I don`t pass this one, my exam paper won`t be evaluated, which means I`ll have to take this course again next semester. This one will, by the way, be harder than the one I failed.

Bilderesultat for hitting my face gifBUT if I can fail, I can also pass. I need to be positive and do my very best! It`ll be hard for some hours, but after that? I`ll be enjoying my vacation! You know what they say: No matter what happens, the sun will always come out. So I`m wishing myself and everyone else good luck on their exams! Summervacation is just around the corner, and if that`s not motivational enough, then I don`t know what is. We can do this!

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WE ACT LIKE WE KNOW PEOPLE

It`s the 13th of May and the grand final of Eurovision Song Contest is over. Oh, wait, it`s past midnight. It`s the 14th of May. I`m sitting on the couch, reading the news on how Portugal has won. I`m disappointed and therefore, I`m trying to seek for answers. Why did Portugal win? Why did people vote for Salvador Sobral and his song? And now as the grand final is over, what am I to do now? I feel like the excitement I had build up, all of a sudden is over and I don`t know what to do.

Suddenly my eyes notice a title. “Defied heartproblems and won Eurovision Song Contest”. “What?” was my first thought. I clicked on the article and read it. Salvador has, according to the article, heartproblems. Due to that, the doctors refused to let Sobral participate in all the rehearsals. Therefore, his sister Luísa Sobral, whom wrote the song, replaced him for some time in Kyev. Salvador needs a heart and according to his doctor, he won`t be able to make it to 2018 if he doesn`t get one soon.

I`m shocked and devastated. All of a sudden I`m happy for Salvador. I only feel a little disappointed, but I`m proud and happy. Proud because Salvador is such a humble human being who`s not afraid to speak his mind. But I`m also devastated. I start crying. He`ll die if he doesn`t get a new heart.

I put away the laptop. Don`t want to brush my teeth. All I can do is think. Think about sad and crazy it is that there are so many things we don`t notice in life, when it comes to other people. There Salvador was singing on a beautiful stage and I had no idea he was ill. I pray for him – I hope he gets a heart very soon. I don`t know when, but somehow I fall asleep.

The next morning I read the news and they`ve changed the title of the article. It turns out it was all a rumour – Sobral had a hernia surgery some time ago and is still recovering from that. I thank God, I`m so happy.

But I can`t help but think of how weird life is. Some of us think we know everything about a person by meeting them only once. We think we know all that there is to know and judge each other. We act like we really do know each other. Even though Salvador`s health condition isn`t as serious as I first thought it was, I can`t help but think how we don`t show as much love and peace as we talk about. We believe we understand more than we actually, while we forget everyone`s been through something they don`t talk about. Everyone has their stories, their secrets and their baggage. Always keep in mind there are so many things we go around holding, but don`t say a word about. We don`t always know how a person`s feeling deep down. Always remember that nobody`s life is perfect.

 

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THIS WORLD IS A BEAUTIFUL MESS

Yesterday I felt too tired to share what I had planned to write about. Therefore I posted a part of a song that I listen to every day, that describes how I feel and that is so close to my heart. Manchester, teror, people.. you get it. It`s that time of the month where I`m tired of most human beings, I don`t feel like I can actually trust anyone, apart from some few that are close to my heart and I want to travel to a huge city all alone and stay there for two weeks.

Because you know this world is a mad world when a little girl can`t go to a concert and have fun, without being killed.

It`s crazy that we live in a world where there are people with sick values around you, and you don`t even know. I wonder why the terrorist did what he did – what convinced him that killing other people was the right thing to do? What made him kill innocent, little kids? And how does he feel now? How does it feel to know you have taken 22 lives and hurted millions? God, these questions make me angry, but I also feel sad on behalf of their families, their friends and everyone who knew them. I feel sad on behalf of us as a society, as a community and I feel sad on behalf of this world. This isn`t the first time and this won`t be the last time.

We keep on moving and we keep on living. And then something like this will occur again. Most of us will stop up for some time and think of love and humanity. Many will wonder where the love is. We`ll talk about how it`s important to show respect and love to people around us, we`ll talk about thankfulness and peace, but where is the love? Where is the humanity we talk so much about, at times like these? We ask ourselves how someone can become a terrorist, and at the same time most of us don`t even bother to care enough about the beggar or the girl at school who`re being bullied.

When I think of this and so much more, I can`t help but feel sad and helpless. I want to see more of the love we talk about, I want people to care more and I want us to act like humans towards everyone – no matter who they are, where they come from or what they`ve got in their baggage. But maybe this all is too much to expect, because after all we live in a beautiful mess. We live in a beautiful mess called “world”. We`ll be nice to each other and we`ll kill each other and that`s unfortunately just how it is.

Good night. 

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