IT`S A LITTLE MORE SPECIAL THIS YEAR

I wish I was in Amsterdam today, because it`s Anne Frank`s birthday. She would`ve been 88 years old.

You left a diary, which made you world-famous. You expressed your thoughts, feelings and dreams to your friend “Kitty”. Despite the circumstances, you dreamed about a future. You wanted to travel to Paris and London and study history. You loved history. You wanted to be a journalist and/or a writer. Let`s face it – you knew you could die, but you also knew you could survive and live on. Unfortunately you died, but Miep saved your diary and gave it to your lovely dad, whom chose to publish it, despite the criticism he received. So many years later, people still find your diary inspirational and motivational. I found out about you in sixth grade and you`ve been there ever since then.

Thank you for everything you`ve done for me and everyone else. You died too young, but you left your voice, you left a melody that`s still played all over the world. To me, you symbolize love, hope, courage and dreams. Thanks for never giving up and for refusing to die. Happy Birthday, Anne.

Your birthday has always been special to me, but this year it`s a little more special. I can`t wait to see your hiding place and be a little nearer you. 

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WANDERLUST

Sometimes I wonder if I`m the kind of person to be extremely excited and actually happy about something. I`m VERY VERY VERY happy about the fact that I`m finally going to Amsterdam, but I wonder if I`m actually happy because it`s not like I`m literally dying of happiness, haha.. I`d expect me to be doing that, because I`ve been wanting to visit the city for such a long time. Maybe it hasn`t sunk in yet. 🙂

I`m SO excited and have planned a little already. We`re of course going to the Anne Frank House and Primark. We`re also considering one or two boat trips, but what else should we do? Any recommendations? Have anyone of you been to Amsterdam and have any tips to share? Let me know in the comments below. 🙂

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//Photo: here

IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT

OKAY, GUYS!!!!!!!

I`m going to AMSTERDAM!! Yep, you heard right. After so many years, I`m finally going. AH, I`m SO HAPPY!!! For so long I had to act like nothing. I`ve been waiting for so long, I`ve been quiet for so long, I`ve been shouting for so long, but most of all I`ve been dreaming. All along I`ve known my dreams don`t mean that much to some people around me. But now? Now I`m freaking going to Amsterdam and I`m going to the Anne Frank House.

I`m SO EXCITED! Talk about time, really. After all this year, I`m off to The Netherlands. In 6th grade we were supposed to write a little about every country the school`s students represented. I wrote about the Netherlands. We had a paper for each country, and on it we had some few lines to write about the country, we draw and coloured the map, we marked its location on a little map and draw something that the country is known for. The paper has been with me ever since. Right now it`s on the wall. God knows why. Maybe it was the sign of my dreams.

For as long as I can remember I`ve looked up to Anne Frank, I`ve been inspired by her and I`ve ordered books about her from God-knows-where. So it`s really about time. This is a big thing for me and I`m enchanted. Imagine being where she once used to be.

And let`s not forget that dreams do come true. I`ve been waiting for so long and sometimes it seemed hopeless, but very soon I`ll be on the plane, on my way to Amsterdam and nobody can stop me. Because you know what they say? Great things take time and great things happen at the right time.

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PS: Great news to start this month with! I mean, you-know-who has birthday in June, so… 😉

PAPER IS MORE PATIENT THAN MAN

Today I caught myself thinking “maybe I`ve spent too much time on this earth”.

I`m aware I`ve often been in different moods whenever I`ve blogged. And I`m also aware me thinking that maybe doesn`t make any sense to you if you`ve followed me for a while, considering that I`ve written about my fear of death.

Today`s not been the best day. I mean, it`s been an okay today, but I just can`t help, but wonder about human beings. Human beings can be the nicest, yet the scariest species. I don`t know how many I`ve trusted and given a part of me to people, when they didn`t care as much as I did. I don`t consider myself a victim, but I just find it sad. It`s sad how many of those we love the most, hurt us the most. It`s sad how sometimes, those who tell us they love us so much, abandon us. It`s tragic how we trust someone so much that we hardly can imagine our lives without them, and they find so many reasons to leave us. I`m sure I have my mistakes and flaws too – who doesn`t? But I try my very best to keep my promises and I`ve always been more worried about other people`s happiness. I try my best to keep others happy and even if I end up hurting someone, I feel so bad about it. It could be the tiniest thing and I wouldn`t be able to sleep at night. Really annoying, but in a way that`s good. I criticize myself for the smallest things – but of course I keep that criticism to myself, as most wouldn`t understand anyways.

I feel like I give so much to people – or at least I try, and get way too little in return. Just lately I realised that it might be because of the small things – little things matter to me. You don`t need to do much to make me happy – just the “same old”. Be there for me, care about me, accept me as I am, give me peptalks now and then and listen to me. Beside that, you don`t need to do much at all to make me happy. Give me a book and I`ll be excited. Especially a book about Anne Frank or a history book – I`ll love you a little more than I love everyone else. Give me a smile, a hug or a fountain pen. (Yep, that`s where you`ve got me). That reminds me – I remember something that happened in ninth grade. This girl gave me a hug and I started crying. And she asked me why I was crying and I wasn`t able to say anything. I was sad at that time, but I appreciated that hug so much, that I got sentimental.

I wonder why so many haven`t been wanting to be with me and I also wonder how people can be so mean. Sometimes it doesn`t work out, but it gets more brutal when the other person leaves you in the darkness and you don`t really know what you`ve done. It makes me sick that humans can do that to someone. It leaves me “amused” and speechless how some can act so reckless. But I try to comfort myself by thinking that maybe it hurts them as much as it hurts me. Maybe they have sleepless nights too. Who knows?

I`m afraid to have too little time on earth, so me thinking that I might have been here for too long, is odd, but I do feel like an old soul who`ve met way too many weird and mean people. Most of today these thoughts occupied my mind, but usually I tell myself that no matter what humans do, they`re good deep down. It might feel like I`ve been here for too long, but the truth is: I`m an old soul. Many people, and then especially grown-ups, believe young people like me barely has any life-experience. Sorry to say it, but I`m almost 20 and young people like me experience a lot and of course there`s a lot more to come.

I know I love humans, but I just have my days where I don`t really like humans and I need to think about certain things all alone. I get so shocked and upset about certain people`s behaviour, because I`m not able to wrap my head around it. At those days, I shake off my worries and thoughts through writing. No matter what, I`ll always find something very true. “Paper is more patient than man”. I don`t think I need to tell you who said that, but it really is true. Paper will always listen, but there`s no guarantee humans will do the same. Maybe that`s the problem. On this journey called life, I`ve met many, found many and lost many, and all along paper was more patient. I remember there was this guy in my class, who said “diaries don`t talk”. Oh, you don`t say, Sherlock. Yeah, paper doesn`t reply, but sometimes all you need is to let it out. You need to pour your heart out. Humans might not be there to listen, but paper always will. And no matter how many years go by, I`ll always return to paper and pen. tumblr_o2g8kmmXTL1v5doako1_500.jpg

I FOUND MYSELF AGAIN

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Last week I finished a book, which was written by a woman who survived the Second World War, along with her sister (she was born in 1944) and her parents. More about the book later. When I finished it, I was reminded of my passion, if you can call it that, about the war and the Holocaust. About what happened to Jews at that time, about the evilness that surrounded so much of the world at that time. I was reminded of Anne Frank, a young girl, whom unfortunately died in the conzentration camp Bergen-Belsen in 1945, that I`ve been looking up to for several years. She`s inspired me, she`s given me so much courage and she has made me realise and understand so many things that I don`t know where to begin.

Anne Frank also lost her grandmother. She died when Anne was 12, due to cancer. My grandmother also died due to cancer. I think that when someone you`re inspired by and look up to, no matter who it is, and that person has encountered the exact same as you (with different circumstances, of course), you find comfort and trust in knowing that. Anne Frank wrote in her diary that she never really got to tell her how much she loved her. I feel the same about my own grandmother, therefore it`s so amazing that I can seek relief, gratification and satisfication in her situation and in her diary. To me, Anne`s a symbol for hope and inspiration. Imagine that she looked upon her situation as a “fairytale”, despite the circumstances. The Second World War was going on around her, people were dying in the camps and there was so much evilness. Yet she managed to keep her head up and she never lost faith in her dreams and passion. That, guys. THAT is inspiring and there`s so much we can learn from a little woman like Anne Frank, whom died too soon. Many criticize people for romantizing Anne`s story. There`s no doubt her life ended in a tragedy – a tragedy that we need to prevent from happening again. But, I believe many don`t find most of her life that tragic – I can only recommend you (if you already haven`t), to read her diary. She was so hopeful about life, she had so many dreams and wishes for herself and she knew who she was. She was so young and had such a talent – she`s one of the very few that talented young authors in the world. She died, but her spirit refused to die and that`s what I believe many people find so sad and tragic, and yet beautiful. I know I do. She died so many years ago and there are people now who`re inspired by her, who consider her a hero, who visit Prinsengracht 263 just to see where she and 7 other people hid during the war and there are several people that have written to her dad. If people found nothing beautiful and great about her story, they wouldn`t have written to her father, while he was alive. She died, but her voice never died. The music inside her heart never died.

I found courage in her story and diary again. I`ve been reading about Holocaust and especially Anne for some days and I can`t get enough. I don`t know if you know this, but I found her diary several years ago, when I was in 6th grade and I was so amazed. I still am amazed. I also read Mona`s story, and I realised how there was so much brutality around them. I`ve read other diaries from the war too as well, and they`re so brutal but it`s not like you`re crying all along. You get amazed too. How people were able to keep their heads up. These diaries and other documents are life-affirming records of their spirits and hopes in the face of cruelty and danger.

Reading about Holocaust and how so many people were able to be optimistic, made me realise that I can do it too. It made me realise that I`m stronger than I think I am and that if Anne can, I can too. If another woman can, why can`t I? I found comfort in her and that`s why I`m doing so much better. I needed my time, but now it feels like I never died. I feel like I kind of locked myself inside a cage and without knowing, someone opened up the door and now I`m flying again. I feel so much better already. I had to work with myself and I`m glad I gave myself time, but this only proves you never know what`s going to happen tomorrow.

This doesn`t mean I`m never going to cry about what happened with my grandmother. I still miss her so much and I wonder what actually happened, even though I was there all along. But, someone else has been where I am now and she did fine. I`ll do fine too. If a person, during a World War, during such inhumane times can find hope and be so faithful, I can too. After such a long time I feel like “myself” again and I feel so inspired to grasp life and find out what it holds for me.

Thank you, Annelies Mary Frank. Thanks to all the heroes from the war that inspire me and thousands of people out there every day. You might be dead, but your voices refused to die.