So, I received an e-mail today and it turns out that I`ve been accepted into…
…the University of Maastricht, which is in the Netherlands. A year ago it was a dream to pretty much only visit Amsterdam and the Anne Frank Museum. Now I have the opportunity to live in another city for a couple months. That`s weird to think about, to be honest. Life definetely happens and who thought I`d be here today. Well well, looks like I got into The Netherlands (Maastricht), which I`m happy about. I need some time to let this sink in, even though it`s now that the real stuff begins.
But AAAAH, GUYS!! All hope really wasn`t lost and I actually got in. Very happy about that. 💖 This is going to be craaaaazy!
I`m going to try and explain this as good as I can: so, I could apply for 3 exchange agreements on each faculty and 3 UiO (University in Oslo) agreements. On my list I had 12 agreements (basically most schools don`t have school fees, but some also have that so I had to write down some agreements twice). 5 of these agreements were UiO-agreements and apparentely, I`m not qualified for any of the universities I applied in India. I`m a little disappointed about that, to be honest, because after all I put India on the top. BUT it turns out that the mail I received yesterday, was talking about the UiO-agreements!! I didn`t know whether to laugh or cry when the woman in the office told me that, I got SO relieved. She also said that it looks like I`ve gotten an admission in the Netherlands, but I still don`t really know as I`ll get to know that tomorrow and on Friday (like I told you before).
AHHH, guys! I`m so happy. I wish I could go to India, but I`m happy as long as I get to go anywhere. Also, I`m still considering complaining, because it turns out that one of the agreements I applied for didn`t have any expectations when it comes to the grades and when I mentioned that to a woman today through e-mail she said “sorry, that information isn`t updated”. But isn`t that kind of stupid, considering that those of us who have applied, applied according to the information we found on the website? I mean, this is the university`s fault. Well well, we`ll see what happens about that. 🙂
I`m excited about tomorrow and Friday, because I`ll get to know where I`ve got in. I`m a little worried, because it turns out I applied for Maastricht first and not Amsterdam… God knows what I was thinking, but like someone of you said: God works it all out. ♥
So, I`ve been waiting and waiting to get a reply from the university and the exchange studies. I wasn`t expecting to get any feedback before Thursday, but… I checked my mail a while ago and it turns out they`ve said no.
It goes without saying that I`m disappointed, sad and yeah.. God, I was so excited about this and was almost sure I`d get in somewhere. The reason I didn`t get in is pretty much that my grades aren`t good enough and I guess I can only scold myself for that, but but. What`s done, is done and I can only look forward.
I`m still not going to give up – I`m going to complain and I`m off to the office tomorrow to get my answers. I want to thank everyone who`s been so supportive, please keep me in your thoughts/prayers, because I really really really want this. ♥
you`re still a little kid and maybe you already think you`re mature, way more mature than kids your age. that is true, but there`s still so much you have to learn, understand and see for yourself. there`s so much that you still need to know.
this letter isn`t going to be another “this-is-what-you-have-to-be-aware-of”, because I trust you know to know that you`ll know when the time`s right. everything will happen when it`s meant to happen. what I want to tell you, is that a lot is going to happen to you, but don`t you dare give up. you`ll hurt. a lot. it`ll feel like your blood has run dry, but don`t you ever stop fighting for yourself. you`ll realise that love isn`t the same for everyone. you`ll learn that not everyone has the same heart but don`t stop believing in the good in people, because what would be the point to do great things in the world then? you`ll learn that not everyone will appreciate the things you do or notice the things you do for them, but that doesn`t necessarily mean there`s something wrong with you. keep standing up for yourself and other people that are treated in a way that`s not acceptable. keep raising your voice, stay engaged and know that someone out there is being inspired by you. there will be people in your life who will tell you to be a little more quiet, to not take so much space but let them know you deserve to do what you want to do and let them especially know who you really are. it might feel like being kind and sensible isn`t the right thing to do, but consider them your strengths because these are the two characteristics that will get you far in life. and remember to use them especially when you understand how life can be, when you understand more of what`s going in your life and how unfair humans can be. it`ll raise you up and make it easier for you to carry the heavy baggage.
people will come and go, but do always stay kind and lovely and I know you`re not really worried about it now, but I still want you to know that one day you`ll meet someone who`ll truly appreciate you and everything you have in that beautiful heart of yours. and please; you`re carrying so much love in your heart, do not forget to give some to yourself.
Recently I`ve been thinking a lot about what it`s like to give so much to others who don`t see what you do for them. What it`s like to keep giving to people who don`t even give half as much back. God, it`s a feeling that hurts you to the bones. It makes you feel empty, it makes you feel like an idiot for being so nice to other people who don`t even appreciate it even though being kind isn`t negative. And yet you let it go the next day, put up a smile and act like nothing. Not because you`re not strong enough to confront the person, but because you tell yourself excuses and convince yourself he or she cares. Or that it`s okay, doesn`t really matter, let it be. Maybe it`s just how they are, maybe they have their own ways of showing that they care. Then, the next time you realise the people you care so much about don`t really care that much about you, you`re hurting. Again. Or maybe you always were hurting, but the fake smile did its magic.
I`ve been realising how certain people would rather cause drama and make issues out of little things, rather than fix them and try to be more understanding towards people. And I`ve been sad because I`ve been more aware of how some people just don`t care as much as I do. They won`t do the things you do for them. They`ll just take and take and take, and you`ll be left with… nothing? Oh, God. I don`t know. I just know that that`s where I`m not right now and I`m not going to allow myself to be there either, but it hurts. Everything would`ve just been easier if we were nicer towards each other, really.
“What is it?”, she says.
I`m sitting at the couch. The black couch. It`s not my first time here, yet it feels like it`s the first time. Everything has changed.
I`m looking down at hands. That`s the easiest thing to do. I didn`t know my nails look so weird. I tell myself to paint them red when I get home.
“I`m asking you something – what is it?”
There`s a lot I want to say, but I don`t want to. I guess the saddest thing is that sometimes it easier to say nothing. Not everyone knows how to fix something that`s broken anyways, so what`s the point.
“How am I supposed to know when you`re not telling me anything?”
As if you`re supposed to know anything, I think to myself. I don`t say anything. Of course I don`t. I trusted you once, I`m not trusting you again. I shared my secrets with you. Nobody knew them, but you weren`t nobody so I shared them with you. With fear and hope dancing with each other, I shared them. And oh, dear. I regret it too much.
“Don`t you trust me?”
“Would you trust someone who`ve broken your trust once?
I can tell my words hit her. Hard. She doesn`t know what to say. That`s what I wanted.
“I`ll tell you absolutely everything, I`ll share my secrets with you all over again only if you are able to break a plate and put it back together to exactly what it was. I don`t care how you do it, as long as it goes back to the way it was before. ”
She`s staring at her nails. Now it`s her time to study her nails. They look far better than mine, by the way.
“Do you get it now?”
Winter this year is treating us quite well. At least that`s what I think. I`m sure a fair share of the majority believe it`s cold, even though it`s -2 today. It`s been worse, so I`m not going to complain. Plus it means that I can wear less “warmer” clothes! I find it weird how people in Pakistan call +15 for “winter”. It makes me laugh. I remember I saw kids who were covered up in big jackets when I was in Pakistan in December three years ago… And it was almost +20? That`s insane. +20 here is like proper summer here in Norway, so +20 was more than okay for me who doesn`t love heat. But my family in Pakistan thought it was blooming cold and proper winter. They sure haven`t been to Norway, haha.
I`ve been at school today. We had a history lecture today, about the USA and how they became a nation with so much power. Interesting, buuuut I`m looking way much more forward to the Second World War and especially Holocaust! I managed to forget my lunch at home, so guess who went straight to the kitchen just as she came home? I`m glad I didn`t have a long day today.
It`s not always that easy to take pictures, haha.. my lovely red jumper with a skirt. Thought I`d try something a little difference.
Hope this Wednesday`s treating you all well. Celebrate love today and every day!