A GRADE DOESN`T DEFINE YOU

This is a post I`ve been wanting to write for a long time, but I didn`t want to have to meet people`s questions. I still don`t want people to question it, just because. Not only because I failed an exam, but also because I haven`t really told anyone about it.

Before I joined the university last year, I was one of those people who did well at school. I had good grades, I studied quite a lot and I was focused. More focused than I was when I joined the university. It turned out to be a more difficult transition than what I first had expected – way too much syllabus and way too much independence. I didn`t really know where to even begin. In October my grandmother was admitted at the hospital and we got to know she had cancer. I spent more time at the hospital than studying. I knew I should`ve studied, but I didn`t feel like it. I guess it was hard to focus when my mind and body were somewhere else most of the time. I tried to spend as much time as possible with my grandmother at the hospital and later in the nursing home. I spent at least 3-4 days of the week with her and when she died in December I felt like I hadn`t spent enough time with her. I regretted everything I hadn`t done, instead of actually appreciating all the time we had spent together. Imagine what I would have felt like if I had spent more time at home, studying. I know I can`t blame anyone but myself for failing, of course, but it goes without saying that when a family member is admitted at the hospital and has cancer you want to spend more time with her or him. At least that`s what it was like for me. Later on we also were told that she didn`t have much time left and even though a huge part of me didn`t want to believe that, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her.

tumblr_nsw1b648P51tz5600o1_1280.jpg

Since I wasn`t motivated and focused, I didn`t feel ready when it was time for the exams. I could`ve and should`ve studied a lot more, but didn`t. It was hard to find a schedule that worked for me, especially during the first and second semester. When we got the results and I saw the “F” online, I felt a little too shameful and a little too much of failure. That`s what I remember. It was the kind of feeling that wrenches your body and makes you feel bad about yourself. It was just a grade and it made me feel like that. What for? Perhaps because all the time I had been a good student, and now I wasn`t anymore. Or perhaps because I felt like it was something I was told to be shameful about.

But WHAT EVEN – sometimes life happens, sometimes things don`t go according to the plans and sometimes you have to try again. Feeling that way sucked for me, and it made me realise how so many others must be feeling. The feeling of failure, the feeling of not doing enough or being enough, especially when you`ve been doing so good for a long time. It`s easy to feel alone about failing your exam, even though the statistics show that`s not true. But, you`re not alone and it`s okay if you`ve failed your exam. That doesn`t mean I recommend you to fail your exam(s) – put an effort and give 100. Sometimes, that`s not the easiest thing to do. You feel unmotivated, you`re not focused and life happens. Sometimes things don`t go your way and that`s okay – just make sure you get up and keep trying.

I re-did the subject this semester and passed, so I`m for sure not a failure. What stupid things my mind was telling me. Doesn`t matter if it was for 10 minutes or 10 hours, it`s crazy how we sometimes feel a certain way because that`s what perhaps more appropiate. I mean, after all I didn`t even tell my friends. But, a grade doesn`t define me or my future.

I still don`t feel 100 % comfortable posting this, but I don`t really understand what the big deal is. That was then, now is now and now I`ve passed. What`s past is past and after all, I`m so much more than a grade. 

Advertisements

THREE DOWN, ONE MORE

There and then it perhaps didn`t feel like it was ever going to happen, but I`m done with 3 of 4 exams. How`d it go? I don`t really know, my experience so far is pretty much that what professors tell us that they want to do, isn`t good enough. Economic anthropology was the exam I was most nervous for – I just hope I pass, because I`m scared I won`t. They said they didn`t expect us to know the details, so I hope what I wrote is enough. Kind of nervous about having to check my result some days later, but let`s not talk about that, haha.

How are you guys doing? It`s already December! On Friday I met Sandra, a girl I met more than 5 years ago, today. It`s crazy how destiny made us meet each other again. She`s moved to Oslo, and we`ve met each other a few times since she contacted me many months ago. I`m so glad she did that and that she actually wants to spend time with me. ♥

IMG_1705.jpg

I opened my chocolate calendar last week and t`s something I look forward to every morning. In one week`s time I`ll be enjoying my christmas vacation, I can`t wait. Feels like I haven`t had vacation for a loooong time!

WE CAN DO THIS

I`m currently in Sørumsand library. The plan is to stay here for a while and start writing my home exam.  We have three days to write it, so it`s not really that of a big deal, but I`m also writing two school exams next week. I don`t understand why they have to put the anthropology exams that close to each other during the autumn/winter semester, it`s almost as if they`re desperated to begin the christmas holidays as fast as possible, haha.

IMG_1696Last week the brown boots I had been using for 2-3 years, had a physical breakdown. The back of the shoe was tore apart, so rain and snow got inside my boot. My mum gave me a new pair of boots on my birthday, but since they were too small, we had to deliver them back. Took us two months to order some  new ones, haha. We ended up with some new, but because they didn`t fit me that well either we had to deliver them back too and order a size bigger. I like my new boots, they`re quite tall, I like the colour and they were also cheap. IMG_1694IMG_1699

They just opened the exam, and well.. I`m a little shocked and nervous about how this is going to go. Hopefully it`s going to go very well! Wish me luck guys, and good luck to all of you who`re revising for test of terms or exams. We can do this! 💕

THIS IS HOW MY EXAM WENT

HEY GUYS! I`m done with anthropology for this semester! Imagine that? Now that I`ve finished, I realise the worst part is waiting for the result – not writing exams.

Well, how`d it go? Let me tell you. First things first: I slept about 3 hours tonight, woke up 5 to do some more revision and was out of the house 7. I reached the examination hall about an hour before, so I read like crazy while I could. 5 minutes can be very productive – just saying.

Bilderesultat for reading 5 min before exam gif

When you`re waiting for the teacher to barge in and say the exams have been cancelled – at least that`s what Dumbledore did…

Bilderesultat for during exam gif

About half past eight it was time to walk in and it became more nerve-wrecking. What are the exam questions?! And will it be like last year, when they wanted us to answer 3 of 5 questions? The clock was ticking and we logged into the computers. Yeah, you heard right. I had my exam today digitally and it was 5 hours long. Lucky me, I know. Even though I`d have nothing against writing by hand.

The exam started nine o clock, and exactly at time the exam paper was available. This was me when I clicked “open the exam”..

Relatert bilde

The questions weren`t that bad, so I calmed down and tried to stay focus.

Bilderesultat for writing exam gif

But I`m not the kind of person who can focus 100 % for a long period of time on tests of exams, so of course I looked here and there, to know what everyone else around me was up to, haha. I handed in my answer ca. one minute before the time was over. I didn`t want to, I felt like something (=everything) was missing and this meme describes how I felt that moment…

Bilderesultat for exam funny memeSince we`re already on it – here are some more memes! Because why not? They are hilarious and way too true, haha. Do let me know if you can relate to any of these! I know I can 😉

Bilderesultat for exam funny memeRelatert bilde

Bilderesultat for exam funny meme

Relatert bilde


I think I did well today, but like always I realise there are so many things I forgot that might have been of importance. Note to myself for next semester: Waiting for the results is worse than having exams.

Oh, well. I`ve finished my exams and all I`ve got left now is that test I mentioned in last post. Hopefully I`ll pass. Wish me good luck! Vacation is just around the corner.

WE CAN DO THIS

Okay guys, so some time ago I had this test in a course I`m taking this semester, and since I had one mistake too much, I didn`t pass. Don`t you think that was disappointing?! The teacher told us that those who dìdn`t pass the first test, have to take a second one in the beginning of Juny. Well, I got an e-mail yesterday. I`ll be taking the second test is 1st of Juny – the day after my last exam. My reaction was something like this…

Bilderesultat for oh no gif

I wish this was a joke. As if I`m not enough worried about this exam, I have to go straight to the library after the exam and revise like crazy..

Bilderesultat for studying gif

… because if I don`t pass this one, my exam paper won`t be evaluated, which means I`ll have to take this course again next semester. This one will, by the way, be harder than the one I failed.

Bilderesultat for hitting my face gifBUT if I can fail, I can also pass. I need to be positive and do my very best! It`ll be hard for some hours, but after that? I`ll be enjoying my vacation! You know what they say: No matter what happens, the sun will always come out. So I`m wishing myself and everyone else good luck on their exams! Summervacation is just around the corner, and if that`s not motivational enough, then I don`t know what is. We can do this!

Bilderesultat for good luck gif

 

HELLO HI WEEKEND

AHHH, hey guys! I`m finally done with my third exam and I really don`t want to say much about how it went, because the more I think of it, the more flaws I find, haha. “Oh, maybe I should`ve included that in my long answer, what if I fail because my answer isn`t 100 % correct?!” It goes on and on, so I`m just going to say it went okay. 😉 God knows how the cencors think, though.images (7).jpg

Anywho, how are you guys doing? And did anyone watch the second semi-final?? I didn`t, so I`m going to do that tonight. BUT first I really need to clean up my room – it was a mess yesterday and I don`t want it to remain that way, so I`m going to clean up now and then catch up on yesterday`s semi-final. Hope everyone`s enjoying this Friday – I know I`m excited about this weekend.

IT IS WHAT IT IS

Hey HELLO guys!! How are you doing? Ah, I rarely stress , but if I`m stressed I`m REALLY stressed. Take today for an instance, because of the exam. I`m so glad I`ve handed it in, but I`m so insecure about it. I noticed some few stupid writing mistakes that shouldn`t really affect my grade, but God, where was my brain when I was reading through the exam? It is what it is, I can`t do anything about it now apart from pray that everything works out well. But seriously – I couldn`t even print out new examples, so I had to stick with the ones that I already had. I just hope I had enough theory and examples – that should do. Note to myself: Be a little more effective and make sure everything with the printers at home and school are okay and working because you never know!

Phew, okay. Just as I handed in the exam, I could relax. Breathe. And guess who said she prefers “home-exams”? Haha, now I`m kind of looking forward to the last two school-exams that I have – one`s already next week and I`m a little nervous, but also a little excited.

tumblr_static_tumblr_static__640.jpg