CONFUSION AND LIFE

Yesterday turned out to be a nice day – Thea came over and my family spent some time with her. She was going to be her for a little while, but suddenly she spent almost two hours here. I haven`t seen Thea since Sara went to Australia, so it was nice to see her. ❤️ We`re trying to make some plans, so we can go to the cinema (finalllyyyy). Hopefully next time we see each other will be soon.

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Here in Norway it`s time for the winter holidays, which those of us who are in universiy/university college aren`t enjoying. But, let`s say I`m on my winter holidays as I don`t have any other classes rest of the week. 😉 I still have to study, but in my opinion it`s better to do that at home or at a library not far from where you live. Plus, it`s hard to focus when I think of the fact that I`ll get to know where (maybe I should say if, but I`m pretty sure I`ll get admission somewhere) I`m going to study abroad. Aaah, can`t wait!!! Speaking of that – I got a little too confused yesterday, as I started thinking I had put the wrong university at the top of my list. I sent an e-mail to the university and thankfully they fixed it!

I came home a while ago and now it`s soon time for dinner. Talk to ya later!

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THEY SAY THAT GREAT THINGS TAKE TIME

I`m not popular, nor do I have many friends.

As a child I didn`t really have any friends. There and then I did I have people I could hang out with, but now I`ve realised they weren`t actually my friends. None of them stayed – some “faded away”, while others abandoned me. I was little, didn`t understand as much as I do now and didn`t really stand up for myself. In high-school I had many days where I felt lonely. For a long time, I didn`t really feel like anyone tried to listen to me or saw me who I am.

But, during my second year in high-school I got to know two girls, Sara and Thea. It started with me sitting with them. Slowly we started talking more and more and during third year I visited them and they visited me. I remember I once told them “I don`t trust you, it`s going to take a while for me” and they were like “well, just know that we trust you.” Some words can mean so much to you. They didn`t go all like “oh, why don`t you trust us, don`t you consider us your friends?”. They didn`t judge me, instead they gave me time and kept being the kind human beings they are. That meant and still means so much to me. I know that I could literally do anything to them, and they would still be kind to me. Thea is still here in Norway, while Sara is in Australia. She`s going to stay there for a couple of months and of course I miss her. I think it`s easy to think you`re going to drift apart when the distance is so huge, but I know we`re going to work it out and that missing each other will do us. Besides, Thea is still here!

Some days ago, Sara messaged me. “I just want to remind you of how fantastic, strong and cool you are, and I miss you.” Those words touched my heart and made me emotional (I`m perhaps the most emotional person on this earth).

I remember how I sometimes used to think before that the pain was never going to end. It seemed like the times I was going through at that time, was a phase I had to walk through forever. Many of us feel that way – it can feel like a never ending roller-coaster. You ask yourself “why me”. At that time I didn`t understand why people were being mean to me and making fun of me either. To be honest. sometimes I even found myself thinking “am I not cool enough or beautiful enough for people?” It feels like I wasn`t  popular or fabulous enough for most people, because after all, I didn`t really have that many to hang out with.

I still don`t have that many to hang out with, but you know what? I might have few friends, but the ones I have are fantastic. That`s good enough for me, because at least I`m cool enough, beautiful enough and fabulous enough for them. And that`s all that should matter.

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//Photo: here

WHEN YOU`VE GOT GOOD FRIENDS

Thursday evening I spent some hours with Sara. I visited her and her family, who are so kind people. It`s so nice to feel welcome, doesn`t matter where it is – at work, at school, or at your friend`s house. It was was a good day, Sara and Thea are such good-hearted people and for someone who finds it hard to trust people properly, it feels great to say that I know they`ll never stop caring and they`ll always be there for me. 

IMG_1589 (1)IMG_1590Today has went by so fast. I`ve been quite productive and the plan is to be more productive. Hope you`re all having a great weekend. 🙂

 

 

CELEBRATING 20

On Sunday I celebrated my birthday with Sara and Thea. Unfortunately Sara wasn`t feeling that well, but we still had a good day. ♥ I`m so glad I got to know them in the psychology glasses in high-school and that we`ve been in touch ever since. They gave me a card they had made on their own and cinema tickets. There`s this movie I`ve been wanting to watch for a while now, so we`re going to the cinema in some weeks, hopefully. Thea also made some cookies (she`s going to be a great housewife one day, haha) and in the evening we played this fun game. I wish I and my family did more of that, board games are so fun!

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I`m grateful for having two friends that care about me and wanted to celebrate my birthday. It`s weird to think of where I used to be some years ago and where I am now.. Don`t worry too much if you`re reading this, are lonely and don`t have any friends. One day you`ll find amazing people and you`ll call them friends, just like I did. 🙂

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My birthday was great. My brother made me a carrot cake and we ordered some pizza, which we enjoyed while watching the first Harry Potter movie. I must say I love Harry Potter, and it was amazing to re-create memories from our childhood.

But, today was great too. Perhaps even better? I spent several hours with Thea and Sara. We went to this park, where we talked, had some great food, they gave me two books (they`re A-M-A-Z-I-NG!!) and this card that I`ll keep with me forever. Really, it was so sweet and I was close to crying when I read it. Sentimental me, you know. I`m going to keep that card with me till the day I die. And even after that too. We also played “Cards Against Humanity”, which was very fun. Ah, it was a very good day. Thank you so much, sweeties. Also, I love daylight, but isn`t there something charming with the cities at night? We walked around in the park in the darkness and it was just beautiful. I need to do more of that.

Thanks to everyone whom made my birthday great. My family (especially my brother), Sara, Thea, everyone else – thank you so much. Thanks for making the first two days of 19 great. Oh, God. I`m 19. When did that happen?best-friends-bestie-besties-bff-favim-com-4059640

TAKE YOUR TIME WITH FRIENDSHIPS

“Have you made any friends at the university?”

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This is a question I`ve been asked by people, mainly my family. I can`t do anything, but shake my head. Friends? Do people call each other friends after knowing each other for less than a week?

I must confess that if that`s the case, then I`m not like that. I love getting to know new people. I love talking, I love socializing. I love listening to where people come from, what they do, their talents.. lately I`ve also been more and more interested in people`s baggage. I think I`ve always been that, though. Anyways, back to what this post actually is about – making friends and how I don`t call other people a friend of mine until I`m sure they`re capable of being my friend.

It`s not like I test them. But they have to be genuine, caring, kind. They have to want to be there for me, they have to care enough about me to not throw me away the next morning.

As a little girl, I experienced many “friendships” that never were friendships. I remember this girl whom ditched me for this other girl and I remember how angry I was that day. I didn`t quite understand what that other girl had, that I didn`t have, but I realise now that both of them weren`t worth my time.

I`ve spent so much time with people whom I thought were my friends, just for them to go around and call me names, say ugly things to me such as “go and kill yourself” and not give me enough time. The past few years I`ve realised more and more of what kind people I want to surround myself with and spend my time with. So, when I met Sara and Thea, I didn`t call them my friends for some months, even though they looked at me as their friend. It`s hard to know who you can trust or not these days, so I decided to give it time, which is a great choice I made. They`re pretty much my best friends today and we`re already making plans for my birthday!

This week I`ve met many new people and I really want to get to know them which I am, slowly. But, don`t expect me to call you my friend because I`ve known you a couple of days. Trust takes time to build and I want to know for sure that I`m spending my time on people that actually really care about me, knows me and wants me well. I`m over that kind of shit where you hang out with people for a short time and then you end up getting hurt. I`ve been there too many times and I`ve had enough.

Just felt like letting this out. Don`t feel pressured to make friends as quickly as possible – take your time with friendships, guys! It should happen naturally, be friends with someone because both of you want it. 🙂

Now I`m going to go to bed – way too late, I know, but I don`t really feel sleepy. I`m having my first lecture tomorrow, so wish me luck!!

NOT ALL DAYS ARE BAD DAYS

I`m a person that doesn`t want to act like my life`s perfect. If I`m having a bad day, I`m having a bad day. But, just because I`m having a bad day, doesn`t mean life sucks.

Friday was one of those bad days. School sucked. I was alone the whole day, nobody bothered sitting down with me or joining me to the bus station. It made me very sad and I couldn`t help but think “When will I be home?”tumblr_lzhxo4sRRw1rn8od9o1_500_large_large

Yesterday made up for pretty much everything. I had an awesome day with Sara and Thea. I spent several hours with them, we played games, ate, talked, went for a walk, enjoyed the great weather and each others` company. It was a perfect day. That much that it`s making me sentimental to write all this down.

It makes me sentimental when people talk about my graduation or how many days I`ve got left. Sometimes I`m happy, other times I`m.. no. It makes me want to sit down and cry my heart out, because I`m that horribly sentimental girl. It`s almost irritating, but it is what it is. I`ll miss Sara and Thea next year, especially in the beginning. It`ll be very odd to not have them around me. I just hope they know I`m happy to have them in my life and that their caring behaviour means so much to me.

Anyways, thank you so much for making my day. I shall stop here before I make someone else emotional too here, haha. ♥