WHEN YOU`VE GOT GOOD FRIENDS

Thursday evening I spent some hours with Sara. I visited her and her family, who are so kind people. It`s so nice to feel welcome, doesn`t matter where it is – at work, at school, or at your friend`s house. It was was a good day, Sara and Thea are such good-hearted people and for someone who finds it hard to trust people properly, it feels great to say that I know they`ll never stop caring and they`ll always be there for me. 

IMG_1589 (1)IMG_1590Today has went by so fast. I`ve been quite productive and the plan is to be more productive. Hope you`re all having a great weekend. 🙂

 

 

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CELEBRATING 20

On Sunday I celebrated my birthday with Sara and Thea. Unfortunately Sara wasn`t feeling that well, but we still had a good day. ♥ I`m so glad I got to know them in the psychology glasses in high-school and that we`ve been in touch ever since. They gave me a card they had made on their own and cinema tickets. There`s this movie I`ve been wanting to watch for a while now, so we`re going to the cinema in some weeks, hopefully. Thea also made some cookies (she`s going to be a great housewife one day, haha) and in the evening we played this fun game. I wish I and my family did more of that, board games are so fun!

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I`m grateful for having two friends that care about me and wanted to celebrate my birthday. It`s weird to think of where I used to be some years ago and where I am now.. Don`t worry too much if you`re reading this, are lonely and don`t have any friends. One day you`ll find amazing people and you`ll call them friends, just like I did. 🙂

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My birthday was great. My brother made me a carrot cake and we ordered some pizza, which we enjoyed while watching the first Harry Potter movie. I must say I love Harry Potter, and it was amazing to re-create memories from our childhood.

But, today was great too. Perhaps even better? I spent several hours with Thea and Sara. We went to this park, where we talked, had some great food, they gave me two books (they`re A-M-A-Z-I-NG!!) and this card that I`ll keep with me forever. Really, it was so sweet and I was close to crying when I read it. Sentimental me, you know. I`m going to keep that card with me till the day I die. And even after that too. We also played “Cards Against Humanity”, which was very fun. Ah, it was a very good day. Thank you so much, sweeties. Also, I love daylight, but isn`t there something charming with the cities at night? We walked around in the park in the darkness and it was just beautiful. I need to do more of that.

Thanks to everyone whom made my birthday great. My family (especially my brother), Sara, Thea, everyone else – thank you so much. Thanks for making the first two days of 19 great. Oh, God. I`m 19. When did that happen?best-friends-bestie-besties-bff-favim-com-4059640

TAKE YOUR TIME WITH FRIENDSHIPS

“Have you made any friends at the university?”

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This is a question I`ve been asked by people, mainly my family. I can`t do anything, but shake my head. Friends? Do people call each other friends after knowing each other for less than a week?

I must confess that if that`s the case, then I`m not like that. I love getting to know new people. I love talking, I love socializing. I love listening to where people come from, what they do, their talents.. lately I`ve also been more and more interested in people`s baggage. I think I`ve always been that, though. Anyways, back to what this post actually is about – making friends and how I don`t call other people a friend of mine until I`m sure they`re capable of being my friend.

It`s not like I test them. But they have to be genuine, caring, kind. They have to want to be there for me, they have to care enough about me to not throw me away the next morning.

As a little girl, I experienced many “friendships” that never were friendships. I remember this girl whom ditched me for this other girl and I remember how angry I was that day. I didn`t quite understand what that other girl had, that I didn`t have, but I realise now that both of them weren`t worth my time.

I`ve spent so much time with people whom I thought were my friends, just for them to go around and call me names, say ugly things to me such as “go and kill yourself” and not give me enough time. The past few years I`ve realised more and more of what kind people I want to surround myself with and spend my time with. So, when I met Sara and Thea, I didn`t call them my friends for some months, even though they looked at me as their friend. It`s hard to know who you can trust or not these days, so I decided to give it time, which is a great choice I made. They`re pretty much my best friends today and we`re already making plans for my birthday!

This week I`ve met many new people and I really want to get to know them which I am, slowly. But, don`t expect me to call you my friend because I`ve known you a couple of days. Trust takes time to build and I want to know for sure that I`m spending my time on people that actually really care about me, knows me and wants me well. I`m over that kind of shit where you hang out with people for a short time and then you end up getting hurt. I`ve been there too many times and I`ve had enough.

Just felt like letting this out. Don`t feel pressured to make friends as quickly as possible – take your time with friendships, guys! It should happen naturally, be friends with someone because both of you want it. 🙂

Now I`m going to go to bed – way too late, I know, but I don`t really feel sleepy. I`m having my first lecture tomorrow, so wish me luck!!

NOT ALL DAYS ARE BAD DAYS

I`m a person that doesn`t want to act like my life`s perfect. If I`m having a bad day, I`m having a bad day. But, just because I`m having a bad day, doesn`t mean life sucks.

Friday was one of those bad days. School sucked. I was alone the whole day, nobody bothered sitting down with me or joining me to the bus station. It made me very sad and I couldn`t help but think “When will I be home?”tumblr_lzhxo4sRRw1rn8od9o1_500_large_large

Yesterday made up for pretty much everything. I had an awesome day with Sara and Thea. I spent several hours with them, we played games, ate, talked, went for a walk, enjoyed the great weather and each others` company. It was a perfect day. That much that it`s making me sentimental to write all this down.

It makes me sentimental when people talk about my graduation or how many days I`ve got left. Sometimes I`m happy, other times I`m.. no. It makes me want to sit down and cry my heart out, because I`m that horribly sentimental girl. It`s almost irritating, but it is what it is. I`ll miss Sara and Thea next year, especially in the beginning. It`ll be very odd to not have them around me. I just hope they know I`m happy to have them in my life and that their caring behaviour means so much to me.

Anyways, thank you so much for making my day. I shall stop here before I make someone else emotional too here, haha. ♥

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?

I want to be honest with you guys.

I received a lot of support from people all over the country after my article. I was surprised and wasn`t that much bothered by the mean comments. I know how to answer back and people laughed at my comments because let`s face it – my replies can be very sharp.

But weeks have passed and first of all – I haven`t received much support from my Muslim friends. Perhaps because their parents would say something. Maybe because they think I`m wrong and are too much of cowards to say that straight to me. One of my Muslim friends on Facebook shared my article and commented it, which meant a lot. But apart from her – where is everyone else? It`s not only about the article – when my uncle died, most of those who say they care weren`t there for me. My mum`s friends didn`t bother visiting us and it made me very upset. At my birthday nobody even bothers doing anything special for me. It makes me wonder – do people even care, what do they think of me and what I do, what do they want from me, what can I expect from them?

I have Sara and Thea and I feel so lucky to have them, but I`m thinking of all those whom claim that they care but barely show it. I miss those other people whom I once considered as my friends or people whom cared about me. I`ve met way more people in my life than Sara and Thea. I`m so tired of explaining it – if you care, you show so. If you say you care, but don`t show so, you don`t know the true meaning behind the words “I care.” I “only” want more people to care, I want people to actually be true and honest with me. If you don`t want me in your life – let me know instead of keeping me in the dark. I`m so tired – I give so much and barely get anything in return. I give so much of myself to people, I trust them and try my best to keep them happy – but what about me?

It feels like I`m the only one who`d visit my friend who`s in the psychiatry. Or who`d be there for someone who`ve lost someone I don`t know. It feels like I`m the only one who bothers messaging someone who just ends up never replying afterwards. People say they`re too busy, yet they have time to be on Facebook 2 am at night. Perhaps to talk to someone who`s much better than me.

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I WON`T BE HAVING ANY LESS FUN THAN YOU

You handed me a short note with some rules for those who`re a “russ” this year. I didn`t need one since I`m simply not participating in any of that celebration, so I told you I don`t need it.

“I`m not a “russ” anyways”, I said and gave it back to you.

“Oh”. You looked at the card and asked me why I`m not a “russ”. As if it was a must. I told you I didn`t quite like the idea of the whole thing. You didn`t hear me. You asked me again why. I explained why once again. Then it came towards me, you know.

“But it`s fun to be with your friends, you know.”

I looked at you. Didn`t reply. Perhaps acted like nothing. I could`ve said a lot, but I didn`t say anything.

My friends are Sara and Thea. I trust them, I spend time with them every day at school. Just this Wednesday Sara and I spent two lessons together on talking about our beliefs and religion. Oh God, those exciting things, you know. It was fun, I learned a lot and we “challenged” each other. No, I`m not a “russ” and Sara and Thea are second graders. Even if they were in my class, I would`ve not been a “russ” because I believe you don`t need to spend money on those sort of things in order to celebrate your graduation because no matter what people say, that`s the main point of the whole russecelebration.

But, I don`t either think you need to be a “russ” to be able to have fun with your friends. So dear girl, hopefully you didn`t mean to be mean, but the way you said it made it seem like the only way to have fun during this time of the year in this situation is to be a “russ” with your friends. I didn`t say this to you nor am I intending to, because I don`t think you would`ve liked or understood any of this. By the way, what friends are you talking about? The not-so-existing-friends? I don`t have any third-graders who`re my friends and it surprises me how you`re so.. blind? How you don`t notice things or see things? I don`t even feel like explaining anything anymore.

While drinking and partying around, don`t forget there`s so much more to this world. And perhaps even more important: I won`t be having any less fun that you.

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