THE LAST TIME

Remember last year when we celebrated my cousins` birthday, grandma?

You were in the nursing home, so we had a short celebration there. My grandfather, my aunt, my uncle, I, you and of course the birthday kids. We sat around the bed and S & S cut the cake. You smiled. You tasted the cake a little, the rest of us ate some cake and talked about things I don`t really remember. But I do remember you. How can I ever forget.

I don`t know if you knew it was going to be the last birthday you got to be a part of. I don`t know if you could feel it, either inside your heart or through the atmosphere. I`m not sure if I knew it, deep inside, but it didn`t come to my mind. You lived enough to see them turn nine years old, you lived enough to see me grow up and become a young lady. I`m happy you got to celebrate their last birthday, but also sad about all the ones you`ve missed, because you`re not here with us anymore. We celebrated their tenth birthday last week and it was fun, but you weren`t there. For the very first time you weren`t there. I can`t get over how fast life changes, how you`re not here today and how you`re never going to give me a hug. This is crazy and I can feel it too much. I never celebrated my 19th birthday with you, but I`m happy on behalf of my cousins who got to celebrate one last birthday with you.

I know you loved your grandchildren a whole lot and we all miss your love, we miss your hugs and you might worry about them, but I can assure you I`m always going to be there for S & S and take care of them.

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TYPICAL ME

So, let`s go through yesterday, which turned out to be a loooong day. At least it felt like that. I got up seven o clock, got ready and took the train eight o clock. Of course I forgot to bring with me lunch, but I realised there was going to be a free lunch at the university, for students studying social anthropology. So I went to school, joined the lunch which was great and then went to Østmarka (for those of who you don`t know, that`s the secondary school I went to. I just call it “Østmarka”, haha). They`re collecting money for a school trip they`re going on next year. My class went to back in 2012 and it was an amazing trip! We were asked if we wanted to help collecting by giving an amount in exchange for a magazine, so I went there to grab a copy and give them the money. Of course I`m going to support such a great trip, we went to three countries (Poland, Czech Republic and Germany) and learned so much. It was more of a history trip, but we spent hours inside a bus and visited three big European cities so of course it was cultural and social too. Ah, great memories. 🙂 On my way to the metro station I also met someone who also used to be my teacher there. She`s such a sweet lady and she`s always so kind to me. More of that, please.

Afterwards I went to Majorstua to pick up a charger my mum had bought online from someone. I was going to meet him at the station, but suddenly I had to find out where he lived and meet him there. I spent half an hour on that, went to a shop to buy something my mum needs for her job and then finally went to the station to catch the train. I also managed to jump into someone I know, this time it was a student who studies with me. She was on her way to her father, and it was nice to catch up with her.

I was happy about finally getting home, but… I had forgot my keys at home. No one was home, so I went to the neighbour and stayed there for a while. Haha, that is so me. But I can`t complain, yesterday was quite a social and great day. 💓

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Today I studied at Sørumsand and tomorrow I`m going to the city to meet my study group. Can`t wait to finish the last exam on Tuesday and finally enjoy my holidays. Can`t wait to sleep as much as I want to without thinking I have to study, haha.

THREE DOWN, ONE MORE

There and then it perhaps didn`t feel like it was ever going to happen, but I`m done with 3 of 4 exams. How`d it go? I don`t really know, my experience so far is pretty much that what professors tell us that they want to do, isn`t good enough. Economic anthropology was the exam I was most nervous for – I just hope I pass, because I`m scared I won`t. They said they didn`t expect us to know the details, so I hope what I wrote is enough. Kind of nervous about having to check my result some days later, but let`s not talk about that, haha.

How are you guys doing? It`s already December! On Friday I met Sandra, a girl I met more than 5 years ago, today. It`s crazy how destiny made us meet each other again. She`s moved to Oslo, and we`ve met each other a few times since she contacted me many months ago. I`m so glad she did that and that she actually wants to spend time with me. ♥

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I opened my chocolate calendar last week and t`s something I look forward to every morning. In one week`s time I`ll be enjoying my christmas vacation, I can`t wait. Feels like I haven`t had vacation for a loooong time!

AM I TOO NAIVE?

 

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On Monday I talked to one of the professors at my faculty. I told him I`ve felt lonely some few times, and he asked me if I was available to meet him. I`m thankful that he took the time to meet me.

The best advise he could give me, was to engage myself in an organisation or union, which I`ve tried, but I`m going to give it a try again. I appreciate the advice, but for me it`s still sad to see how there`s some sort of group mentality and how some people seem to be alone most of the time. Am I supposed to just accept that? Even if the answer is yes, I have to say I can`t. I think it`d be a good thing if people actually bothered reaching out to people they don`t know. And what about the people that are alone? Maybe that`s what they want, but I also know that some people don`t want that. People could`ve said that about me too in high-school, but if I hadn`t let them know how I actually felt, they wouldn`t have known how lonely I was.

I can`t make myself believe that students, who`re doing a Bachelor or even Master, want to be alone. Even if you don`t want to make new friends, I think it`s nice to just interact with other people. Talk to them about the studies and discuss the syllabus. I want to attend a seminar where people aren`t always sitting alone, but sometimes I feel like I`m too naive.

Too naive for hoping for a society where we can actually live together. I feel naive for wanting people to come together and be one, I feel naive for thinking caring is so easy. I want people to feel great, I want them to feel good about themselves and their lives and it makes me sad to see people alone way too often, because it`s hard to believe people really want to be that much alone. I want more people to care, but I also know forcing won`t do anything good, so what are we supposed to do? I feel like I`m expecting too much. Are we supposed to let people go on with whatever they`re doing? Is everything we`re doing good enough? Do we care enough? Should we let the people who`re often sitting alone be, because that might be what they want?

I don`t have all the answers, but I`m not sure if I want to live in a world in which expecting kindness from other people, is too much to ask for.

MY TRIP TO AMSTERDAM – PART 2

This is the second part of my trip (very sorry about the delay!) – we only spent about two days there, which wasn`t enough at all, but my dreams came true and that`s all that mattered to me there and then. I`m SO glad I finally got to visit the city. Amsterdam is a very beautiful city and I`m definetely going back one day! If you haven`t read the first post, you can do it HERE. I hope you`ll enjoy this post. (not as much as I enjoyed the trip itself, though. I don`t think that`s even possible. 😏 )


Now – let`s talk about what we did the second day, which was Sunday the 2nd July. We woke up nine o clock, got ready and went downstairs for breakfast. I wish we were served breakfast like that every day – we had quite a lot of opportunities, and we also managed to pack with us some croissants. I really like them and I want to try and make some at home during my holidays. We also had some more healthy food, like yogurt with granola, nuts and fruit. Quite delicious!IMG_1042.jpgIMG_1051.jpg

After breakfast, we packed our baggage quickly and waited for the next shuttle bus to come. It was time to say goodbye to the hotel. We stayed at “Dorint Airport Hotel”, which had great service. The only negative thing we experienced,  was problems with the WiFi, but for me that was completely okay. I wanted to spend my time feeling and taking it everything around me – not staring at a screen and ignoring the world. IMG_1064A2IMG_1082We took the shuttle bus to the airport and didn`t exactly know what to do with our baggage. Since our flight was 7 o clock in the evening, we didn`t think it was a good idea to leave our suitcases back in the hotel just for us to have to go back and get them. However, after some frustration, we kept them inside a locker at the airport and finally took the train to Amsterdam Station.IMG_1086 (1)We didn`t have proper plans for the day (I first wrote today, I wish that was the case!!)  so first I went to Prinsengracht to take some pictures there. Amsterdam has more beautiful streets – they have this old-fashioned look, which I really like! It looks modern, yet old.

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Let`not forget the canals and the boats – we don`t have anything like that in the centrum of Oslo. They put more harmony into the city. I and my mum decided to do an hour long boat trip. On the boat there was this couple sitting next to the window, so enjoying the atmosphere and the surroundings and taking pictures at the same time wasn`t that easy, haha. We learned about Amsterdam and the canals through some headphones – the voice was so relaxing, I felt sleepy. So did my mum. I recommend you to do a boat trip, they have many options you can choose between and it should be more fun if you`re a bigger group. IMG_1118IMG_1110IMG_1101 (1)IMG_1154IMG_1137

The clock was four when we jumped off the boat, so we didn`t have much time left, which was very sad (especially for me!). I told my mum I want to take some pictures of the museum from the other side of the canal, so she waited near the Anne Frank Statue while I went to the other side and took some pictures of the Anne Frank Museum.

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The quaint streets and canals make the city look very photogenic. There are bikes everywhere, shops and cafes everywhere and if you`re from a small town it can get quite noisy, especially during the day and in specific streets. The city`s got history, culture, nightlife, international restaurants, famous museums, excellent public transport (especially compared to Norway…), the traffic is light and there`s a silent harmony. It`s not stressful, people are simply doing their own thing. I really wanted to hire a bike, but that`d mean leaving my mum alone as she doesn`t know how to drive a bike, unfortunately. Next time, though!

IMG_1193IMG_1191IMG_1197.jpgThe last thing we had the time to do, was to find the big shopping mall called “Manga” and visit one shop inside. It looked like many of the shops were fancy and maybe a little to expensive, but if it wasn`t for me trying to save my mum`s money, I definetely would`ve bought something inside there. We also visited this little suveniour shop, trying to find a sweater for my brother which didn`t yell “I love Amsterdam”. We didn`t find any, and we also had to find our way back to the airport, so we hurried a little and caught the tram.

At the airport we got our baggage and while booking it, the lady said there might not be any available seats on the plane for us. I was confused, but chilled and thought “how can that be possible? We`ve bought tickets and that should be enough.” But when it was time for boarding, it turned out we weren`t really assured any seats. My mum was more stressed and worried than me because she was supposed to work the next day, but if I had been her I`d have chilled, haha. They had one seat available, and since my mum didn`t want me to travel on my own, we asked about the next flights. We were asked if we were okay with travelling to Sandefjord, but we said no to the offer because that meant waiting for the train for 5-6 hours at the airport there. So, the only option we had, was to stay another night and catch a flight next morning, almost 9 o clock. We were also given either a refound or a voucher each, and we ended up with refounds. Guess who was very happy? Haha, ah, I was thrilled since we got to stay one more night in Amsterdam and that too for free! Free dinner, free breakfast and free hotel stay. We had to wait for a while at the airport, so they could fix everything, and then a car took us to a hotel called “Clarion Hotel”. It felt like it was a little outside the city, as it wasn`t that central and we barely saw any people outside. The hotel was very cute, though. Little, but cute.IMG_1231We had a great dinner, till we went up to our room and tried to fall asleep. Since I didn`t have my baggage, I had to sleep in the same clothes that I had wore all day. I was very excited, very thankful and it was hard to fall asleep. IMG_1203 (1)IMG_1207IMG_1211

At the airport, this woman explained properly to me the flight details and all the information I needed. I thought she had strictly recommended me to arrive the airport three hours before departure, but apparently I hadn`t been listening that well, haha. Blame my excitement. We told the hotel receptionist to wake us up 4.30 AM, which they did. It was an annoying alarm, haha. What alarms are not annoying, you may ask? We thought they`d knock on our door and tell us to wake up (that sounds so hilarious, it reminds me of how my mum wakes me up), but instead the phone in the room started ringing and both of us were too sleepy and lazy to get up and turn the alarm off. I told my mum to get up, but in the end I had to give in and turn it off. We got ready, didn`t really have any breakfast (the breakfast they gave us, wasn`t really anything, but still I`m thankful) as we thought we`d have something at the airport. We`d been given a voucher which we wanted to use.

That Monday morning was very beautiful. You could hear the silence, you could hear how the world wasn`t awake yet, you could hear the birds singing some of their own songs. The sun was already up, the air wasn`t that cold and I? I was enjoying my last hours in a beautiful city called Amsterdam.IMG_1227The shuttle bus was a little late, but that was okay. We had plenty of time for the booking and boarding, so at the airport we enjoyed a long breakfast and I also managed to buy some postcards. Postcards have become a must for me, I started collecting them back in 2012 when I went to Poland, Germany and Czech Republic. I like to find them and look at them sometimes – it takes me back to good, old times. 🙂

IMG_1266IMG_1268Our flight was a little late, but that was okay too. The flight was almost two hours long, and I was very sad, but also very hopeful. Sad because another journey, another trip had come to an end, but hopeful because dreams do come true and the journey I had just been on, was proof enough. Back in Norway everything was normal and life went on, but as I unpacked everything I realised I actually had been there. I had seen what I had been dreaming of for so long, I had visited the Anne Frank Museum, a dream had come true. All of a sudden it all had come true and it was already over. I guess that`s what you call life. It was odd and beautiful, just like life. IMG_1286.JPGIMG_1289.JPGThank you so much, Amsterdam. You know what I`m talking about. See you soon. 💖 💖

WE CAN DO THIS

I`m currently in Sørumsand library. The plan is to stay here for a while and start writing my home exam.  We have three days to write it, so it`s not really that of a big deal, but I`m also writing two school exams next week. I don`t understand why they have to put the anthropology exams that close to each other during the autumn/winter semester, it`s almost as if they`re desperated to begin the christmas holidays as fast as possible, haha.

IMG_1696Last week the brown boots I had been using for 2-3 years, had a physical breakdown. The back of the shoe was tore apart, so rain and snow got inside my boot. My mum gave me a new pair of boots on my birthday, but since they were too small, we had to deliver them back. Took us two months to order some  new ones, haha. We ended up with some new, but because they didn`t fit me that well either we had to deliver them back too and order a size bigger. I like my new boots, they`re quite tall, I like the colour and they were also cheap. IMG_1694IMG_1699

They just opened the exam, and well.. I`m a little shocked and nervous about how this is going to go. Hopefully it`s going to go very well! Wish me luck guys, and good luck to all of you who`re revising for test of terms or exams. We can do this! 💕

ARE WE MADE TO HIDE WHAT WE FEEL INSIDE?

I`ve some few times felt this loneliness inside me at the university. I can`t figure out if it`s the feeling similar to the one I used to have in high-school. All I know is that it`s not a good feeling. I don`t exactly feel at home at the university.

Is there anyone who even does?

It`s too impersonal and I don`t exactly feel seen or heard there. Is it possible to not feel that way at the university? Don`t ask me.

For some time I`ve been considering letting someone who have some sort of influence and who also belong to my faculty, know. I`ve asked someone who I`m supposed to talk to, but I haven`t really gotten any clear answers. I`m been wondering whether I should post something in a Facebook group we have, maybe that`s the way.

But I caught myself thinking “maybe someone will think “oh, there she goes on again”.

Because I spoke up in Primary School too. In Secondary too. People like me were snitches. Let`s not forget the time I was frustrated and exhausted and sent the mail I had sent to the principle, forward to one of the biggest newspapers in Norway.  Not everyone enjoyed the attention I and the topic received. My fault, much was my own fault. I was pretty much the one who had been taking the wrong steps, I should`ve tried harder. Of course. Someone commented on my blog: “Hey i have the answer to your problems start on a new school…”. There`s no way that`s going to happen, I thought to myself and kept talking about loneliness and bullying.

That`s who I should be and want to be. Me thinking someone might think “oh, there she is again” was only a thought, but it was a very unnecessary thought. Seriously – WHO cares? Why should I let people stop me from telling how I feel? Are we made to hide how we feel inside?

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I don`t believe so. Don`t let other people stop you from talking about how you feel inside. We feel what we feel, we can`t erase our feelings or act like they`re not there. Running away from your feelings is a race you`ll never win. Instead, talk about how you feel.  I think some people sometimes forget to have a look at themselves.

Because after all, we`re all humans and we share many of the same emotions every single day.