DIARY OF AN OXYGEN THIEF

So… it`s time for me to share my thoughts and opinions on a book I mentioned on here a little while ago. On my way home from Frankfurt I saw the girl who was sitting next to me, reading a book called “a diary of an oxygen thief”  and I remembered how I had heard of it before. When I came back, I ordered it at the library. It`s taken me a while to finish it, mainly because I`ve had to put it down and read something else.

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Before I tell you what I think of the book, I want to say that we all understand things differently. So if you`ve read this book, your interpretation might be different from mine and that`s okay. Before I started reading it, I read very many negative reviews of it online and it made me even more qurious. One example is this:

” It’s an unapologetic and even romanticized account of a manipulative and narcissistic garbage dump of a person who hurts people without remorse and paints himself as a victim (which, by the way, is bullshit). This is not a story of a damaged soul who needs to find love. This is the story of a damaged person that chooses to hurt people in retaliation for being damaged, and wants you to feel sorry for him. Do not give this book to your sons or daughters. Or your friends. Or literally anyone.” 

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Now that I`ve actually read the book, I wonder what makes people say that? Yeah, he acts like an idiot and hurts many people without realising how it might affect them. When it comes to that, I`m not at the same page as the main person (which is an anonymous man) when it comes to that. However, he describes how good it made him feel to cause others pain. He writes “all I know is, I felt better when I saw someone else in pain.” This sentence might not make sense alone, but to me it already explained that something must have happened for him to think and feel that way. And perhaps I wasn`t wrong, because he writes somewhere else in the book that “I see now that I was in pain and wanted others to feel it, too. This was my way of communicating.” I`m not sure I understand the purpose of the book, but according to the writer he doesn`t want sympathy. I don`t feel like judging him, because let`s face it: this is something many humans do. IMG_2270

Later on in the book he tells how he met a woman who pretty much did what he used to do to girls before, to him. I`m not 100 % sure, but I`d like to believe that was a wake-up call for him. He realised what it`s like to care about someone who doesn`t care about you. He realised what the pain he used to place others in, was like. He tells his story in a humoristic and honest way. I`m not sure what exactly I read and maybe I need time to digest it, but it`s not like I wouldn`t recommend this book. It turns out that there`s a second book written by the same author, which goes on with the story. Perhaps reading that one will make the first book make more sense.

There are consequences for all of our actions and this story portrays that with honesty. Hurt people hurt people. It might not make sense, but then again; there`s so much in the world which doesn`t always make sense. I can relate to how pain can cause more pain. Some people feel like hurting other people when they`re hurt. Maybe because it makes them feel better to be in control, maybe because it`s their way of protecting themselves and their souls, or maybe it makes them feel good to “take revenge” by making other people suffer too. Complicated, I know. Maybe that`s why I sort of liked the book, but I`d like to read the second book to find out more about what happens.


Have you read the book? If so, let me know what you think of it below! And if you haven`t read it: like I said, I`d recommend it. It contains quite a lot of swearing and it might not make sense to everyone, but I believe everyone can get something out of this book.

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LET`S SPREAD SOME SELF-LOVE

Thought I`d update the blog, with a challenge. Talking positively about yourself has mostly became a “no-no” in our society. To many it`s considered “bragging”, which in my opinion says a lot. But these rules are made by us and therefore we have to break them too. There`s a difference between being over-confident and ignorant, and confident and proud. It`s so easy for us to put ourselves down by being critical towards ourselves. We tend to focus way too much our weight, our face, body or things we consider annoying/negative with ourselves. I believe self-love is important, SO I`m going to share two things I like with myself and challenge you to do the same, in the comment section below. ❤️

❤️ My kindness. It can be hard when you don`t get the same kindness back from people, but I should be proud that I`m a kind person.

❤️ My thoughtfulness. I still remember when my teacher said to me: “you might be 15, but you think like an old person”. An old soul in a young body, really. DSC_2604


Now it`s your turn to share two (or more) things that you love about yourself. Remember that we`ve all got something we should be proud and happy about. 😎

TEACH ME HOW TO TRUST YOU AGAIN

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“What is it?”, she says.

I`m sitting at the couch. The black couch. It`s not my first time here, yet it feels like it`s the first time. Everything has changed.

I`m looking down at hands. That`s the easiest thing to do. I didn`t know my nails look so weird. I tell myself to paint them red when I get home.

“I`m asking you something – what is it?”

“Nothing.”

There`s a lot I want to say, but I don`t want to. I guess the saddest thing is that sometimes it easier to say nothing. Not everyone knows how to fix something that`s broken anyways, so what`s the point.

“How am I supposed to know when you`re not telling me anything?”

As if you`re supposed to know anything, I think to myself. I don`t say anything. Of course I don`t. I trusted you once, I`m not trusting you again. I shared my secrets with you. Nobody knew them, but you weren`t nobody so I shared them with you. With fear and hope dancing with each other, I shared them. And oh, dear. I regret it too much.

“Don`t you trust me?”

“Would you trust someone who`ve broken your trust once?

I can tell my words hit her. Hard. She doesn`t know what to say. That`s what I wanted.

“I`ll tell you absolutely everything, I`ll share my secrets with you all over again only if you are able to break a plate and put it back together to exactly what it was. I don`t care how you do it, as long as it goes back to the way it was before. ”

She`s staring at her nails. Now it`s her time to study her nails. They look far better than mine, by the way.

“Do you get it now?”


//photo: mikuta.nu

IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT

OKAY, GUYS!!!!!!!

I`m going to AMSTERDAM!! Yep, you heard right. After so many years, I`m finally going. AH, I`m SO HAPPY!!! For so long I had to act like nothing. I`ve been waiting for so long, I`ve been quiet for so long, I`ve been shouting for so long, but most of all I`ve been dreaming. All along I`ve known my dreams don`t mean that much to some people around me. But now? Now I`m freaking going to Amsterdam and I`m going to the Anne Frank House.

I`m SO EXCITED! Talk about time, really. After all this year, I`m off to The Netherlands. In 6th grade we were supposed to write a little about every country the school`s students represented. I wrote about the Netherlands. We had a paper for each country, and on it we had some few lines to write about the country, we draw and coloured the map, we marked its location on a little map and draw something that the country is known for. The paper has been with me ever since. Right now it`s on the wall. God knows why. Maybe it was the sign of my dreams.

For as long as I can remember I`ve looked up to Anne Frank, I`ve been inspired by her and I`ve ordered books about her from God-knows-where. So it`s really about time. This is a big thing for me and I`m enchanted. Imagine being where she once used to be.

And let`s not forget that dreams do come true. I`ve been waiting for so long and sometimes it seemed hopeless, but very soon I`ll be on the plane, on my way to Amsterdam and nobody can stop me. Because you know what they say? Great things take time and great things happen at the right time.

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PS: Great news to start this month with! I mean, you-know-who has birthday in June, so… 😉

NOT ALL MEAN PEOPLE DON`T KNOW LOVE

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, pity those who live without love.”

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I`ve been watching four of the Harry Potter movies this Easter, and ever since I heard Dumbledore say that to Harry, it`s been stuck in my head. Why? I find it so damn true and I can`t help, bu think of Severus Snape.

He`s one of the few characters in Harry Potter, that amuse me so much. Yesterday I read a post on Tumblr, written by someone who believed no one should long for a love like his. According to this person, Snape`s love for Lily (Harry`s mother), was unhealthy and “creepy”. Can I just say this person doesn`t seem to quite understand the complex love? Snape is a mysterious character in the movies – it`s hard to understand him, especially in the first three or four movies. At least it was for me. You get to know him way more in the last movies – and that was the case for Harry Potter too. All along it may have seemed like Snape was a selfish man – he only cared about himself and had no mercy towards Harry Potter and his friends. I can understand why Severus can be analyzed as a creepy and bad character, but I believe that he did what he did, pretty much because he loved Harry`s mum. He might have had a strange way of showing his love, but everyone has different ways of showing love. We also need to keep in mind that Severus never really let anyone, apart from Dumbledore, know about his affection and love for Lily. He never really spoke about it and maybe because he tried to “hide away” these feelings, he acted the way he did. I don`t believe everything he did was right, but knowing that he, deep down has positive feelings too, makes what he did somehow more bearable.

Sometimes you hurt people you love. Not because you don`t love them, but because you really do love them. The person who`s hurt might not understand that – at least not in the beginning. That doesn`t mean the other person`s actions necessarily are justified, but everything`s not as it seems and usually, there`s more to a situation than a person can see. Sometimes you do what you believe is the best for the people you love. That was the case for Snape. He hurted Harry Potter and his friends many times and Harry did misunderstand Snape several times, but in the end he understood why he did what he did and why he killed Dumbledore. It was because of his past. Because of his love for Lily. Because when Dumbledore asked him “after all this time?”, Snape said “always“. There`s a reason Harry named his son Albus Severus Potter. 

And at first one might pity Snape, because he acts like a creepy and cunning man, but the more one moves towards the end, the more one realises he`s actually one of the lucky ones. Everything is not always as it seems and there`s more to people than eyes can see. Not all “mean” people (in this case Slytherins) don`t know love.