It`s weird how I remember where I was this very day exactly four years ago. I was in Berlin in Germany, with my German class. I had a nice time, but at the same time I felt quite left out and I was clearly not “one of them”. We spent some time together, I and some of the other students, but when the sun went down and the evening came, I felt very lonely.
But that was four years ago. Four years. Within that time I`ve managed to graduate at high-school, started studying social anthropology, almost completed my bachelor, met so many cool people, gotten new friends, lived five months in the Netherlands, visited six new countries, been five times in Amsterdam, seen my face in the newspaper, worked, been told I`m an inspiration and learned so many new things about the world and myself. Four years ago I didn`t know all those things. I did know that I would finish high-school and study one day, but it`s when you`ve accomplished what you`ve planned that you suddenly stand there and think “oh, wow, I`m here now”. I was thinking about it today; how I waited for years to visit Amsterdam so I could go to the Anne Frank Museum and all of a sudden I`ve been there five times within two years. I`ve visited the museum three times and I`ve also lived in that wonderful country for some time. Who had thought that? I know I hadn`t. I know I would go someday, but I didn`t know when and I didn`t know I was going to do all these amazing things on the way.
I think we imagine so much in our lives. We imagine what we`re going to do, how we`re going to react to certain events, where we`re going to go, but nobody forreal know exactly what`s going to happen. And sometimes you might know the goal, but you don`t know the journey. It`s this journey towards the person I`ve become today, that I`m so amused of. I think of everything great I`ve done that I didn`t know I would do. I think of how I was put down by people around me and how some people didn`t believe in me and how life has taught me that at the end of the day, you define your life. Nobody can do it for me, no matter what. My life is my life. When I was being bullied and when it felt like the loneliness was never going to vanish from my life, it was easy for me to not think about the future. It`s like a sky full of grey clouds – you know the sun is behind there somewhere, but you can`t see it and you forget that after the rain always comes the sunshine. After a long winter the summer does come.
That`s what it felt like for me. I knew I was going to be somewhere great one day, but I didn`t know when, how, what or why. And because of the pain, because of everything that was happening in the moment I wasn`t able to imagine a future properly. It felt like the road was so long and though. I feel like I`m not able to properly explain what it was like and what I felt, but those who understand, they understand.
There are so many kids out there who are going through something though or who just want to be older. To them I would like to say: enjoy your childhood. One day it`ll going to be over, you`ll be thrown into adulthood and you`ll miss so many things. And it does get better. It really does. I hope you believe me, and if you don`t, it`s okay. You`ll see for yourself, just like I did.
What a great time and journey I`ve had. I don`t like growing up and it`s scary to think that I`ll be 22 years old later this year, but at the same time I`m excited to see where I`ll be in four years time.