AM I HAPPY WITH MY STUDY?

If you`ve followed me for some time, you`d know I`m currently studying social anthropology. Basicly we learn about the comparative diversity of societies and cultures around the world. Some topics we`ve had are economics, religion, symbols, gender, politics and kinship. I`ve learned a lot and even though not all courses are fun, it`s great to learn more about the big, big world we live in.

However, I applied for a bachelor in history before summer. I love history and I just love learning about the second world war. Many times during the lectures last year I asked myself why I`m studying social anthropology. It`s not that it`s plain boring – I just don`t feel satisfied and I don`t know if that`s normal. When I applied for the university, I applied for 9 different studies. It goes without saying I`m interested in a lot, so when I was supposed to pick my minor (let`s call it that) this summer, I found it so hard to just choose one and go with it. I went through psychology, Dutch, sociology, art history, gender studies… you get it. I ended up with history, though. I`ve pretty much enjoyed it so far, but to be honest: I`m still wondering whether I made the right decision or not, because I like social anthropology, but I don`t love it. Like I just said, I don`t know if that`s normal.

I`ve asked myself so many times if I should change my direction or not. I feel like I`m still studying social anthropology because I`m too scared to change path right now, but at the same time – it`s not like I`m absolutely not enjoying my current study. On the other hand, I really don`t want to waste time and do what I want to do right away. To be honest, I`m a little scared of what the future holds for me. Whenever people say “oh, so you`re studying social anthroopology? What are you going to use it for?”, I don`t really know what to say. But in my mind? In my mind I can imagine what I want to be like in the future. I want to be a strong, independent and kind woman. I want to be free, I want to be me.

One day I want to travel and actually see the world. Meet people, learn languages, get to know different cultures and understand phenomena. Social anthropology will definetely come in handy then, but is this what I really want to do? I`m not sure, which really annoyes me. Some people think I have it figured out – I don`t. Yeah, I know I want to be an author, but besides that, I don`t know. Oh, there are way too many “I-don`t-knows” in life. If you`ve just joined university and feel like everyone else knows what they`re doing but you, then you`re wrong. I`m doing my second year in a BA and I`m not sure about what I want to work with (apart from writing, of course). I don`t even know if I`m doing what I should be doing, haha, but that`s okay. I`m going somewhere and many times it takes time to know what you want to do. I`ll stumble, I`ll fall, but I`m going somewhere.

Bilderesultat for woman on the road tumblr

//source:  here

 

Advertisements

NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS

mikuta-london-blue-coat-5

Two days ago I got to know Nannestad High-School, the high-school I went to, has got a new principle. He was retired, that`s why. For some reason, I felt sad about that. However, I really hope the new principle deals with situations like mine differently.

When I still was a high-school student, the principle didn`t really help me as much as I wanted him to. He didn`t take me seriously, nor did he towards the end keep his words. In September 2014 I let him know how I was doing and when he or the teachers didn`t really do much to be there for me, I sent the letter I had sent to the principle, right away to the newspaper.

Do I regret it? No. I was tired of being treated that way, by some of the teachers, by the principle and let`s not forget my classmates.

However, once I was told by one of my classmates that I should stop ruining the school`s reputation. I believe the school did that job a little too well on their own. Don`t get me wrong – I don`tt hate the school, the principle, the teachers or any of the students. But what happened, shouldn`t have happened and after all, I was the one who had to deal with loneliness., so why isn`t it okay for me to speak up?

The schools here opened a few days ago and thousands of kids have begun at school. Many haven`t been looking forward to it, which I find very sad. It`s so important that we have principles and teachers at schools that take care of the youngsters and really do see them. I know it can be hard sometimes to exactly know what to do in situations like these – how do you deal with bullying? And what do you do when a kid comes to you, to tell you they`re lonely? We can`t allow the grown-ups at schools to not do anything. That`s unacceptable. No matter what – do something to help. If you`re not able to solve the problems, then at least be there for the person who`s feeling lonely. Don`t do what most of my classmates did to me.

I really hope the last principle learned something from me and my situation and I really hope the current principle knows better how to deal with bullying and lonely youngsters. We are the ones that have to go out in the world with the bad experiences we`ve had at school. There are so many people whom were bullied 15-20 years ago or dealt with loneliness and still have anxity, depression or eating disorders. I`m one of many that have ended up not trusting people easily, it`s hard for me to believe in the things they say.

This isn`t what it`s supposed to be like and I really hope nobody at Nannestad or anywhere else ever have to deal with what I had to deal with, even though I know the reality is completely different. That`s why we need principles and teachers that care about the youngsters. That see them, see everything that`s happening and don`t act like it`s a stand-up show.

 

THIS IS HOW MY EXAM WENT

HEY GUYS! I`m done with anthropology for this semester! Imagine that? Now that I`ve finished, I realise the worst part is waiting for the result – not writing exams.

Well, how`d it go? Let me tell you. First things first: I slept about 3 hours tonight, woke up 5 to do some more revision and was out of the house 7. I reached the examination hall about an hour before, so I read like crazy while I could. 5 minutes can be very productive – just saying.

Bilderesultat for reading 5 min before exam gif

When you`re waiting for the teacher to barge in and say the exams have been cancelled – at least that`s what Dumbledore did…

Bilderesultat for during exam gif

About half past eight it was time to walk in and it became more nerve-wrecking. What are the exam questions?! And will it be like last year, when they wanted us to answer 3 of 5 questions? The clock was ticking and we logged into the computers. Yeah, you heard right. I had my exam today digitally and it was 5 hours long. Lucky me, I know. Even though I`d have nothing against writing by hand.

The exam started nine o clock, and exactly at time the exam paper was available. This was me when I clicked “open the exam”..

Relatert bilde

The questions weren`t that bad, so I calmed down and tried to stay focus.

Bilderesultat for writing exam gif

But I`m not the kind of person who can focus 100 % for a long period of time on tests of exams, so of course I looked here and there, to know what everyone else around me was up to, haha. I handed in my answer ca. one minute before the time was over. I didn`t want to, I felt like something (=everything) was missing and this meme describes how I felt that moment…

Bilderesultat for exam funny memeSince we`re already on it – here are some more memes! Because why not? They are hilarious and way too true, haha. Do let me know if you can relate to any of these! I know I can ūüėČ

Bilderesultat for exam funny memeRelatert bilde

Bilderesultat for exam funny meme

Relatert bilde


I think I did well today, but like always I realise there are so many things I forgot that might have been of importance. Note to myself for next semester: Waiting for the results is worse than having exams.

Oh, well. I`ve finished my exams and all I`ve got left now is that test I mentioned in last post. Hopefully I`ll pass. Wish me good luck! Vacation is just around the corner.

WE CAN DO THIS

Okay guys, so some time ago I had this test in a course I`m taking this semester, and since I had one mistake too much, I didn`t pass. Don`t you think that was disappointing?! The teacher told us that those who d√¨dn`t pass the first test, have to take a second one in the beginning of Juny. Well, I got an e-mail yesterday. I`ll be taking the second test is 1st of Juny – the day after my last exam. My reaction was something like this…

Bilderesultat for oh no gif

I wish this was a joke. As if I`m not enough worried about this exam, I have to go straight to the library after the exam and revise like crazy..

Bilderesultat for studying gif

… because if I don`t pass this one, my exam paper won`t be evaluated, which means I`ll have to take this course again next semester. This one will, by the way, be harder than the one I failed.

Bilderesultat for hitting my face gifBUT if I can fail, I can also pass. I need to be positive and do my very best! It`ll be hard for some hours, but after that? I`ll be enjoying my vacation! You know what they say: No matter what happens, the sun will always come out. So I`m wishing myself and everyone else good luck on their exams! Summervacation is just around the corner, and if that`s not motivational enough, then I don`t know what is. We can do this!

Bilderesultat for good luck gif

 

IT IS THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN

Hey, guys! How are you doing? I`m okay, just a little worried about the exam I`m writing right now, because I don`t really know where it`s going. I`ve realised that even though you think your exam is very good, the examinators don`t think the same as you. It`s kind of weird, though. I`m 19 and my exam will be judged by people who`re at least 40++ and they expect me to know how to write academically and all that, like how and why? We haven`t even really been taught how to write a proper exam – I just feel like the teachers¬†speak in codes whenever I¬†ask them what you should do to get an A or a B. Well well, I`m sure I`ll learn but it`s just nerve-wrecking to know you`re doing well, but it might not be good enough for the examinators. Does anyone else feel the same way about exams and the evaluation? Can`t wait to hand in this “home-exam” – afterwards I`ve got two exams left and I can focus on one at a time.

I bet some of my followers are revising too these days, because it`s that time of the year again, and are nervous/excited about exams. Good luck, everyone. Give 100 % – I know you can. ūüôā¬†tumblr_moux9jyZQ91svc7fpo1_500

 

BACK TO THE SAME OLD ROUTINES

Posting yesterday did me so good – I love writing, but I find yesterday`s post a little unique. Trying to understand something so complex is not easy and personally I just think that post is one of my best ones so far.

School started today and I could notice everyone`s waking up after a long Easter break, when I was on my way to the university. During Easter the trains were so empty and I miss that, haha. I enjoy it when libraries are empty, when buses are empty and when cafes are empty – it`s just me, my books and my thoughts then. I love humans, but I also love the silence that surrounds empty places sometimes. Maybe because usually there`s noise everywhere. People are always in motion and usually, the city`s restless. So whenever it`s quiet and peaceful during daylight, I can`t help, but love it. And then I miss it when we`re back to the same old routines.

Anywho, I`m revising for my exams these days, so there will be less posts up during the next weeks. Too bad there are so many feelings and thoughts inside my head, which I don`t know what to do about.

tumblr_nuziruTuQD1u5u2efo1_1280

WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE THE BLACK SHEEP IN SCHOOL

About ten months ago I graduated high-school. I must say time`s been passing away way too fast and I can`t believe I`ve spent almost a year at the university.

Now and then I look back and reflect upon my time in high-school. It was weird, it was confusing, it was unfair, it was both good and bad and no single word can describe my time there. When I joined Nannestad high-school, I wanted a new beginning. I had wanted one when I started at √ėstmarka Secondary school three years ago, but about two weeks later I realised I was going to be bullied there too. Therefore I hoped for another new beginning. I find that so great about me – no matter what, I never loose faith and hope in people and the world.

I was new, like several of the other students, but most already knew someone in their class or in the other parallel classes. It was kind of good to not know someone – unlike last time I joined a new school. At √ėstmarka, there was this boy who had been going to the same primary school as me and used to bully me. He continued bullying me in secondary too, so in one way it was great to not know anyone and have a completely new and fresh start.

During most of my time in high-school, I felt lonely. Way too many misunderstand what I mean when I talk about how I encountered my time there. It wasn`t like my classmates were evil people and I never hated them, nor will I ever do that. In fact, I remember this girl who invited me to her birthday party. Unfortunately, I couldn`t go, but I appreciated that. The problem is that I was treated unfairly. It doesn`t help the situation much when you one day, choose to say hey and the rest of the week choose to ignore the same person. It doesn`t help when you tell me you`re there for me, but then, along with your so called best friends, delete me on Facebook. And it didn`t help me when some of the girls were so nice to me before I went to Pakistan in December 2014, and then didn`t treat me the same ever since I came back one month later. The situation wasn`t only confusing Рit was frustrating. If I had done something, people could of have talked to me about it. We could of have had a conversation face to face. The situation also became a little sadder and yet funny, when 2-3 decided to comment on my blog anonymously, instead of talking to me at school. Not to forget РI believe most of the teachers cared and many of them were sweet people, but that doesn`t change the fact that they never actually made any effort to help me. Some few asked me about my situation and wanted to know what I thought was best for them to do. I gave them my suggestions, but none of them were really followed. One of the teachers talked to the principle once and joined one of the meetings with him. I`ve written about it here. I felt like I wasn`t taken seriously and it didn`t matter anyways because I was leaving the school soon at that time. The principle and the assistent didn`t keep their words, which was disappointing. I had been through that before and it was sad to realise that history repeated itself.

I noticed that people “followed” me more than I thought. People at school read my blog and I realised that people talked more about me, than with me. Thank God I met Sara and Thea, whom are my best friends now and I`m thankful for having them in my life. Even though I still felt lonely, they made my time in high-school easier. Sadly I only spent time with them during psychology, which was mostly 4 hours a week.

I spent three years in the same class, and I never became one of them, like the others did. If there was someone who felt like me, I never got to know and I`m sorry about that. I was never treated like all the other boys and girls, nor was I treated fairly. I wasn`t the one people chose to work with. During the first year I wanted to become people`s friend, but later on I just wanted people to be nice to me and see me for who I am. Even that was too much to ask for to some people. During the trip to Germany some girls annoyed me while I was trying to sleep – it might have been a little thing, but it was very annoying. During then I didn`t feel like “one of them”. I was always nice to people, and I didn`t even get half as much back, which was very sad, but not surprising after some time as I had gotten used to it.

As time passed by, I felt more and more like “the black sheep”. The different one. The girl who mostly was alone. I was not popular, but I didn`t mind speaking my mind. Not to forget, I had a blog which I noticed some people read “secretly”. I wasn`t treated like all the other girls – instead, everything was my fault. It was my fault I was sitting alone, because many tried to “help me”. I believe that those who claim that, should ask themselves how many times they sat down with me and tried to have a conversation with me. They should ask themselves how many times they sat next to me on the bus, how many times they picked me as their partner for projects and how many times they sat with me in classroom.

I became so tired of my situation and was frustrated. It had happened to me before and I tried to comfort myself by telling myself that it wasn`t bullying. And I actually was thankful for that – as if I deserved to be bullied or whatsoever. All I wanted was for people to be nice and treat me like a classmate, but when that wasn`t really possible, I told myself “do you know what, Anne? You`re going to survive this and be so proud of yourself when you`ve graduated.” And hey, look at where I am today? I felt so much like a black sheep back then and especially that Thursday when I cried in the bathroom after gym, it felt like the pain was never going to come to an end. But it did.

I was shamed too long for being different. For not being like all the other girls. I was treated differently and I was never properly told why, but I had some idea because of things that were said here and there. I had been writing negatively about the school and acted like none of the students cared about me. That wasn`t really the case – I just wanted people to treat me like a classmate and simply be nicer to me, instead of ignoring me and making me feel like air and nothing.

I wish more had understood what I was going through and understood the seriousness in my situation. It was so simple – it was all about being kind to someone who ended up feeling lonely. It hurted to know that most of the students didn`t bother spending time with me, even though I`m an easy person to talk to. I`ll listen and I`ll try to help you as much as I can. Yet, I was treated like air, like nothing. Nobody deserve to be treated that way. In the end, all I wanted was for people to be nice to me and treat me like a classmate. After spending three years in the same class, I didn`t become “one of them”. Again I`ll point out the fact that none of the students were evil people – I believe that deep down, everyone`s good. But, that doesn`t change how I was treated in high-school. That doesn`t change the fact that what I went through was sad and unfair to me. Write angry comments to me on this blog, think whatever you want to about me, but I wasn`t treated the way I deserve and nobody can change that.

All I can hope for now, is that the same people have learned or will learn at one point in life, so they can teach other people and even more importantly, their kids way better. large (65)