I`m not popular, nor do I have many friends.
As a child I didn`t really have any friends. There and then I did I have people I could hang out with, but now I`ve realised they weren`t actually my friends. None of them stayed – some “faded away”, while others abandoned me. I was little, didn`t understand as much as I do now and didn`t really stand up for myself. In high-school I had many days where I felt lonely. For a long time, I didn`t really feel like anyone tried to listen to me or saw me who I am.
But, during my second year in high-school I got to know two girls, Sara and Thea. It started with me sitting with them. Slowly we started talking more and more and during third year I visited them and they visited me. I remember I once told them “I don`t trust you, it`s going to take a while for me” and they were like “well, just know that we trust you.” Some words can mean so much to you. They didn`t go all like “oh, why don`t you trust us, don`t you consider us your friends?”. They didn`t judge me, instead they gave me time and kept being the kind human beings they are. That meant and still means so much to me. I know that I could literally do anything to them, and they would still be kind to me. Thea is still here in Norway, while Sara is in Australia. She`s going to stay there for a couple of months and of course I miss her. I think it`s easy to think you`re going to drift apart when the distance is so huge, but I know we`re going to work it out and that missing each other will do us. Besides, Thea is still here!
Some days ago, Sara messaged me. “I just want to remind you of how fantastic, strong and cool you are, and I miss you.” Those words touched my heart and made me emotional (I`m perhaps the most emotional person on this earth).
I remember how I sometimes used to think before that the pain was never going to end. It seemed like the times I was going through at that time, was a phase I had to walk through forever. Many of us feel that way – it can feel like a never ending roller-coaster. You ask yourself “why me”. At that time I didn`t understand why people were being mean to me and making fun of me either. To be honest. sometimes I even found myself thinking “am I not cool enough or beautiful enough for people?” It feels like I wasn`t popular or fabulous enough for most people, because after all, I didn`t really have that many to hang out with.
I still don`t have that many to hang out with, but you know what? I might have few friends, but the ones I have are fantastic. That`s good enough for me, because at least I`m cool enough, beautiful enough and fabulous enough for them. And that`s all that should matter.