I AMSTERDAM

I miss Amsterdam. When I was looking through the photos I had clicked, I couldn`t help but smile and also feel… a bit sad? I can`t believe that it`s already over. You walk around, so excited about something and then it`s suddenly over and you go back to what you`re used to. Makes me think of what it`s going to be like when I go back to Norway. Most likely I`ll find it ten times stranger.

ANYWAYS. Amsterdam. A must see city. If you haven`t been there, you really should go. I`ve been there three times now (which I`ve said at least ten times by now, haha) and I`m going back in less than two weeks time. The canals, the city lights, the streets, the old buildings, the atmosphere. The city is very different to Oslo, which makes it even nicer, in my opinion. I went to the city Wednesday morning and came back Friday night, so I had more time to actually explore the place and do more tourist kind of things. Here are some photos from my time there. They can`t do justice, but they do give an idea of what the gorgeous city looks like.

46422815_2156411561248412_6530231734703751168_nGetting out early in the morning to take in the fresh air and walk around the not-so-busy streets was so refreshing.

46404140_381643529043715_8057156676458905600_n46412679_450531002018265_7078846362896302080_n46426358_249912749012096_6559704264145371136_n46426408_264993004204507_7352592292554735616_n46439201_312597056014729_1267378826812325888_n46441762_289698401662463_1058406720579043328_nFinally got to visit the “Iamsterdam” sign in the city. Definitely worth it, but there were quite a lot of people there who seemed to think they were the only one there.

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A canal cruise is a must-do in Amsterdam, especially if you`re there for the first time. They offer different kinds and next time I want to do the evening one!

46460736_554019425041548_2096274894663712768_n46471842_180539852889878_5267463821571653632_nPerhaps a bit too early for christmas lights, but they lighted up the city and made the atmosphere more festive and cosy.46474695_550950138700789_5985540902733479936_nThe city lights light up the city.

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Finally got some new shoes and I`m really liking them. Finally. A coat + tall boots = cool.

46477095_256093605061102_2071004969246392320_n46479306_321030828491170_7806558077905272832_n46479323_530444520700211_6060652029540302848_n46482923_2194598630551740_9152009377115275264_n46492149_289926674965116_2483755501100204032_n46500941_1916594768376810_7898793999530459136_n46503876_289272598258681_8155789200252207104_n46507385_198367911042678_5499006157039075328_n46513184_255488855125452_1156907934337204224_n46521035_331659004299214_5717462246846627840_nAND I visited the Anne Frank Museum for the third time. What can I say. I had to.

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Again THANKS for having me, Amsterdam. Till now you haven`t failed to entertain me. I had a lovely time, made many memories and have several flashbacks to look back at.

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ALL GOOD THINGS ARE THREE

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It’s weird to be in Amsterdam and think of where I was some years ago. I know some would say don’t dwell on the past, what’s the point of doing that. I think it’s important to sometimes look behind you and think about life. Think about where you were some time ago and compare it to where you are now. Both mentally and physically.

Not only do I think of the fact that I wanted to go to Amsterdam for so long, I think of the bullying, the loneliness, the walls I had to fight. There and then it felt like it was never going to end, I didn’t see how I was going to get out of the situation and it was as if I couldn’t see the future. Now it even feels like I forgot that there even was a future ahead of me, which I am now enjoying. Up in the hills far away was a future I didn’t know much about. I mean, who thought I’d get to visit Amsterdam three times in less than two years. You know what they say: all good things are three. Or who thought I’d be in newspapers, who thought I’d be living in The Netherlands for five months.

It’s easy to get caught up in certain situations in life and think that you’re never going to be able to get out of them. But the thing is, you will. I mean, I wanted to go to Amsterdam for several years and here I am. Things definitely get better and so much can happen in a short period of time. I know it might be easy for me to say this, but the bad events are too a part of the puzzle.

I began writing this post when I was in Amsterdam and now I`m already back in Maastricht. It was weird to be back after such an amazing time and I really miss the magnificent city. Strange to look forward to something for so long and then it suddenly comes to an end… 🖤 Thanks for having me, Amsterdam. I`ll see you again very soon.

THE SAME OLD QUESTION

First of all – thank you for the kindness lately. It`s so easy to feel alone about things you go through how you feel, but now I feel a little less alone. I hope some of you do too. 

The day is here and my mum is now on her way to Pakistan. I`m happy for her but at the same time: what`s life? Haha, the same old question. There she is, on a plane which is on its way to Islamabad, and here I am, in my safe room. The first 2-3 days are always weird, but after that we get used to it. I`m sure that`ll be the case this time too.

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The book I`ve almost finished. Seemed like some of you wanted a review, so that will be up soon! It kind of feels like it`s been a loooong day. I went to the airport with my mum first and then to school. Now I`m going to… tidy the kitchen and listen to the radio. Can`t wait to go to bed tonight.

SOMETIMES ALL YOU NEED IS SOMEONE WHO LISTENS

“I`m sorry I wasn`t able to fix the problems, but I hope me being a listener and a person you could talk to at least helped you a little.”

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When I was being bullied in secondary school, I was frustrated. First of all because it kept going and going – as if the years spent in primary school weren`t enough. Also, the teachers weren`t able to fix the problem. They weren`t able to end the bullying. I was tired and exhausted. Maybe because it turned out that one of the bullies apologized but kept it going. Maybe because I could sit in the classroom during lunch and hear how some of the boys called me ugly.

I won`t say I was mad at the teachers for not being able to fix it, because I knew that they weren`t magicians who were able to change people. The bullies had to change themselves, they needed to have the will to change their behaviour towards me. Obviously some of them didn`t change their behaviour until the very end of the secondary. I still had my moments of frustration and only during the recent years I`ve thought that maybe the teachers felt hopeless too and they did what they thought was the best to do.

Because the truth is that there won`t always be someone around to fix your problems and get rid of them. In this case, my teachers couldn`t fix the problem, because they couldn`t force my classmates to change themselves. But, what they could have done, was to be there for me, listen to me, make me feel safe and accept me for who I am. Which they did. Sometimes all you need is a caring person who wants to listen to what you have to say. Countless times I sent JK an e-mail. If you`re read my blog for a long time, you`ll know JK was my main teacher during my three years at Østmarka (the Secondary School I went to). He was not only a teacher, but a friend for many of us. We could talk to him, and he would listen. I messaged him some evenings, because I was sad or frustrated. Usually he`d show up the next day, ask me to knock at his office door later and we`d end up talking.

Kids can be very mean to each other and therefore it`s even more important that we have teachers who see their students and make them feel safe and sound. Who make it easier for you to be in the classroom and to be at school, especially when your classmates are saying not so nice things about you or are making fun of you. Thank you, JK and all the others teachers that were kind to me and saw the strength in me, even when I didn`t. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you.

IT`S STARTING TO SINK IN

Oh my, thank you so much for the well wishes on the last post!  It`s so nice to see that so many of you are happy on my behalf. ❤️ You were so supportive when it turned out that they had said “no” to my application. I was so disappointed Tuesday evening, I thought I had to accept the situation. I read your comments that evening, and they made me feel quite good and emotional. Again, thank you! I really appreciate it. Crazy how life changes. One day I felt sad, empty and disappointed. The next day I was more like myself again. Or maybe I should`ve just read the e-mail properly, haha…

It`s slowly starting to sink in that I got accepted into a university in the Netherlands. I haven`t said yes yet, as the deadline is the 1st of March and as we`re going to have a meeting next week.

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Today`s outfit. As you perhaps can tell, I`m in love with this sweater. And, it`s Friday! I`ve had almost the whole week off but Friday is still Friday, or what?. I have a looot of reading to catch up on this weekend, so I better get started now.

If there`s anything you`d like me to blog about, let me know! 

ANOTHER SATURDAY

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Thank you so much to those of you who`ve shared your experiences on the post from yesterday. I`m glad I`m not alone and hopefully I`ll figure it all out. 🙂 I just need to keep believing in myself.

I mentioned “Baaghi” (the Pakistani drama serial I`ve been obsessed about lately, in case you didn`t know) and I thought “they must be thinking “why does she mention it in every post”, haha. Well, turned out I was right as someone said “what is this Baaghi, every post has it!” That`s how it is when you`re addicted, so by now you should get used to it. Anyways, what`s new? Nothing much, it`s Saturday, I`ve studied a little, went to the shops, relaxing, had a great dinner AND watched two episodes of “Baaghi”. Told ya to get used to it. 😉

Now I`m going to study a little more, and then go to bed. Hope everyone`s had a great day!

FRIDAY

I`ve been thinking and feeling a lot today. I have some days like that, where I feel so inspired, but also sad because of everything that`s going on in the world. Everything would`ve been so much easier if we were nice to each other – it`s so simple, but somehow we`ve made it so damn complicated. And now I started thinking why some people can be mean – because we wouldn`t get stronger if there weren`t any ups and downs in life. Who knows.

Also – thank you so much for the response on the poetry from yesterday. I`ve been enjoying poems more and more lately and have been writing some too. I wrote that one late in the evening and I`m glad you liked it. I`m sure some can relate. 🙂

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Even though it`s getting colder and colder, the sun`s shining. And it`s Friday. Another thing to be happy about, in this chaos of thoughts.