My birthday was great. My brother made me a carrot cake and we ordered some pizza, which we enjoyed while watching the first Harry Potter movie. I must say I love Harry Potter, and it was amazing to re-create memories from our childhood.
But, today was great too. Perhaps even better? I spent several hours with Thea and Sara. We went to this park, where we talked, had some great food, they gave me two books (they`re A-M-A-Z-I-NG!!) and this card that I`ll keep with me forever. Really, it was so sweet and I was close to crying when I read it. Sentimental me, you know. I`m going to keep that card with me till the day I die. And even after that too. We also played “Cards Against Humanity”, which was very fun. Ah, it was a very good day. Thank you so much, sweeties. Also, I love daylight, but isn`t there something charming with the cities at night? We walked around in the park in the darkness and it was just beautiful. I need to do more of that.
Thanks to everyone whom made my birthday great. My family (especially my brother), Sara, Thea, everyone else – thank you so much. Thanks for making the first two days of 19 great. Oh, God. I`m 19. When did that happen?
First of all.. I`ve blogged for one year now!! I realised that some days go, buuuut as you perhaps now, I haven`t blogged much lately. It`s hard to find the motivation to do so, when you know you have many other things to do. Being a student for the first time is hard. I`m the boss of my own days and I have to discipline myself. It`s going to take a while, but I`m sure I`ll figure it out soon. 🙂
Anyways, I can`t believe I`ve been blogging here for more than a year now?! I started this blog during my third and last year of high-school. It feels like that was a life ago. Whenever I see people who`re younger than me and “still” are in high-school, I feel like they`re living a completely different life than me. It`s still weird to not see Sara and Thea every day. I mean, I went to the same school for 3 years and no matter what – the fact is that I was used to showing up there pretty much every day. Now as I`ve joined university the routines are different, my days are different and I`m just not used to it.
I`m sorry for not blogging as much as I thought I would. I`m still getting used to my new chapter, so bear with me please. For now: Thanks a lot for hanging out with me for one year. Thanks for all the comments, the likes, thanks for the time anyone of you have spent on reading my posts. It really means a lot to me. I hope you still want to follow my journey and keep hanging out with me.. ♥
Yesterday I had a little eye-operation. The doctor put a bandage on one of my eyes and made me walk out like that. I went home with a bandage on my eye. I was at the bus with a bandage on my eye. It wasn`t just a bandage – it was a wake-up call too.
The night before I had watched “Body bizzare”. I`m too scared to post any photos, but basically it`s about people who`re born with rare diseases. And then I really mean rare diseases. People who have no nose and are blind. There was a girl who was 9 and yet she looked like she was a little baby because of her height. People with several eyes. People with no arms or upper legslegs. Women with beards. You name it. Very rare diseases. While watching it, I couldn`t help but cry and be so damn thankful for my nose. Or my hands. My arms. My legs. The ability to walk means a lot to me. I`m so thankful for not being blind, for being able to listen to the water running.
Don`t get me wrong – I don`t hate blind people or people without arms. I just feel sorry for them because I feel like they don`t have what I have. Some people have to stick to a wheel-chair for a whole life time and that makes me incredibly sad. They can`t walk like me, they can`t do things I can do and I just feel really sorry for them. I wish I could help them, but I can`t. I feel so helpless when I see people who`re blind, for example. Maybe they`re not missing anything because usually, people are born blind, but I know what they`re missing and it just makes me sad, because here I am. My health is perfect and I`m not handicapped in any way and there they are. They`re not even able to see the people they love or this beautiful world and I just wonder why.
It was just a small eye-operation. Nothing big deal, but the bandage got me thinking. What if I only had one eye? Or what if I suddenly became blind? What would I do? I`d freak out, I`d be depressed – I don`t know if I`d even want to stay the way I am right now. I can walk, I don`t need my parents to take care of me 24/7 the rest of my life. I`m fine. I can even pay for an appointment with the doctor. Many people can`t even do that and they stay with their rare diseases for the rest of the life. There was this man with this huge lump on his face. It was very very huge – just like a ball. He got it removed, but not everybody`s that lucky. And so I felt so lucky yesterday. So lucky that I felt like crying while I was walking out of the building. With the bandage on my eye.
I`m so damn thankful for not being blind or deaf. I`m so thankful for not having cancer or any disease like that. I`m so thankful for being okay and I need to remind myself of that every single day. It`s so easy to even take your eyes for granted, which shouldn`t be the case at all. Not everybody`s that lucky.
So when I took of the bandage three hours later yesterday I told myself to be thankful. And so I am. For being able to watch the words as I type them, for being able to write this. Thank you, God.
These six months have been a little hard. Some days are tougher and harder of course, but it feels like a lot has happened in the last 6 months. Lately I`ve been feeling sort of lonely, but I want to use this great opportunity to thank everyone who`s been there for me. Thanks for supporting me, thanks a lot for all the love and encouragement. It feels crazy. I mean, some time ago I never thought people would appreciate me as much as some do today. It amuses me, so THANK YOU for everything, guys. I`m thankful for the nice comments, for the random kind messages. You guys have no idea how happy random messages and comments make me – many of them have literally made my day several times!
It touches my heart when people tell me I`m going to get far in life or that I inspire them. That`s some of the best things I can ever be told and I want to thank people for their kindness. ♥
I hope everyone`s having a great week. Summer`s right around the corner!
I`m a person that doesn`t want to act like my life`s perfect. If I`m having a bad day, I`m having a bad day. But, just because I`m having a bad day, doesn`t mean life sucks.
Friday was one of those bad days. School sucked. I was alone the whole day, nobody bothered sitting down with me or joining me to the bus station. It made me very sad and I couldn`t help but think “When will I be home?”
Yesterday made up for pretty much everything. I had an awesome day with Sara and Thea. I spent several hours with them, we played games, ate, talked, went for a walk, enjoyed the great weather and each others` company. It was a perfect day. That much that it`s making me sentimental to write all this down.
It makes me sentimental when people talk about my graduation or how many days I`ve got left. Sometimes I`m happy, other times I`m.. no. It makes me want to sit down and cry my heart out, because I`m that horribly sentimental girl. It`s almost irritating, but it is what it is. I`ll miss Sara and Thea next year, especially in the beginning. It`ll be very odd to not have them around me. I just hope they know I`m happy to have them in my life and that their caring behaviour means so much to me.
Anyways, thank you so much for making my day. I shall stop here before I make someone else emotional too here, haha. ♥
Today I want to talk about something that made me feel very happy and still is making me very happy. The video I shared, where I`m talking about bullying, was shared some days ago in a secondary school.
It makes me so happy to know people want to use me and my voice as an example. People thinking of me that way, is a joy. Knowing someone I`ve never met thinks good of me, is for me crazy and I had never imagined something like this would happen to me years ago. I dearly hope that I set a good example for someone out there. Who knows, maybe someone actually does look up to me?
The reactions were very sweet. The students believe my English is good, haha. Thanks for that one. They also thought of me as someone professional, as I according to them know what I`m talking about in the video. It doesn`t stop there. They also read my article from 2014 on the bullying and loneliness I`ve encountered. All of a sudden everyone went mute, until someone broke the silence and said “We should`ve have taken care of her!”
I mean.. nah, words become useless. I want to give a hug to you who said these wonderful words. I cried when I read them and I`m crying as I`m writing this. Thank you so so much. I was stunned and touched, I had no idea what to say.
I guess all I can say is that people like you make me happy.
I mean.. I really do feel the love. THANK YOU SO MUCH for loving my final product so much. I was very nervous as I had spent hours on editing the video and I knew it wasn`t perfect. So isn`t my English, plus it was my first video ever. I decided to share the link on Facebook and told myself to log off and be on just in case I embarass myelf. Hehe, just kidding. I had to log on after a while just to get a little hint of people`s thoughts and opinions.. BUT people have been so kind to me. Aaaah, it made my day! It was a school project, but I kind of looked at it as more than that. I`m going to write a post about my foundings and more of my thoughts during the weekend and I can`t wait to share them with you guys. 🙂 I`m just glad people were pleased to see me “live” and talk about something I`m really passionated about.
But, I`ve been thinking of something. I shared a link two days ago and I didn`t realise my real name was written on the page. And now you`ve seen who I am, so the question is: Am I really an anonymous blogger now? I don`t know and to be honest – I`m both scared and happy. I`m perhaps the weirdest person ever. But really – is it okay for me to act like nothing and keep blogging like I`ve done till now or is it no big deal? What and who do you look at me as?
I should stop thinking about it for now and go to bed. Meanwhile, let me know what you think! It`d be nice to hear some comforting words, haha. Be kind to one another. ❤