THE SAME OLD QUESTION

First of all – thank you for the kindness lately. It`s so easy to feel alone about things you go through how you feel, but now I feel a little less alone. I hope some of you do too. 

The day is here and my mum is now on her way to Pakistan. I`m happy for her but at the same time: what`s life? Haha, the same old question. There she is, on a plane which is on its way to Islamabad, and here I am, in my safe room. The first 2-3 days are always weird, but after that we get used to it. I`m sure that`ll be the case this time too.

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The book I`ve almost finished. Seemed like some of you wanted a review, so that will be up soon! It kind of feels like it`s been a loooong day. I went to the airport with my mum first and then to school. Now I`m going to… tidy the kitchen and listen to the radio. Can`t wait to go to bed tonight.

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SOMETIMES ALL YOU NEED IS SOMEONE WHO LISTENS

“I`m sorry I wasn`t able to fix the problems, but I hope me being a listener and a person you could talk to at least helped you a little.”

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When I was being bullied in secondary school, I was frustrated. First of all because it kept going and going – as if the years spent in primary school weren`t enough. Also, the teachers weren`t able to fix the problem. They weren`t able to end the bullying. I was tired and exhausted. Maybe because it turned out that one of the bullies apologized but kept it going. Maybe because I could sit in the classroom during lunch and hear how some of the boys called me ugly.

I won`t say I was mad at the teachers for not being able to fix it, because I knew that they weren`t magicians who were able to change people. The bullies had to change themselves, they needed to have the will to change their behaviour towards me. Obviously some of them didn`t change their behaviour until the very end of the secondary. I still had my moments of frustration and only during the recent years I`ve thought that maybe the teachers felt hopeless too and they did what they thought was the best to do.

Because the truth is that there won`t always be someone around to fix your problems and get rid of them. In this case, my teachers couldn`t fix the problem, because they couldn`t force my classmates to change themselves. But, what they could have done, was to be there for me, listen to me, make me feel safe and accept me for who I am. Which they did. Sometimes all you need is a caring person who wants to listen to what you have to say. Countless times I sent JK an e-mail. If you`re read my blog for a long time, you`ll know JK was my main teacher during my three years at Østmarka (the Secondary School I went to). He was not only a teacher, but a friend for many of us. We could talk to him, and he would listen. I messaged him some evenings, because I was sad or frustrated. Usually he`d show up the next day, ask me to knock at his office door later and we`d end up talking.

Kids can be very mean to each other and therefore it`s even more important that we have teachers who see their students and make them feel safe and sound. Who make it easier for you to be in the classroom and to be at school, especially when your classmates are saying not so nice things about you or are making fun of you. Thank you, JK and all the others teachers that were kind to me and saw the strength in me, even when I didn`t. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you.

IT`S STARTING TO SINK IN

Oh my, thank you so much for the well wishes on the last post!  It`s so nice to see that so many of you are happy on my behalf. ❤️ You were so supportive when it turned out that they had said “no” to my application. I was so disappointed Tuesday evening, I thought I had to accept the situation. I read your comments that evening, and they made me feel quite good and emotional. Again, thank you! I really appreciate it. Crazy how life changes. One day I felt sad, empty and disappointed. The next day I was more like myself again. Or maybe I should`ve just read the e-mail properly, haha…

It`s slowly starting to sink in that I got accepted into a university in the Netherlands. I haven`t said yes yet, as the deadline is the 1st of March and as we`re going to have a meeting next week.

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Today`s outfit. As you perhaps can tell, I`m in love with this sweater. And, it`s Friday! I`ve had almost the whole week off but Friday is still Friday, or what?. I have a looot of reading to catch up on this weekend, so I better get started now.

If there`s anything you`d like me to blog about, let me know! 

ANOTHER SATURDAY

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Thank you so much to those of you who`ve shared your experiences on the post from yesterday. I`m glad I`m not alone and hopefully I`ll figure it all out. 🙂 I just need to keep believing in myself.

I mentioned “Baaghi” (the Pakistani drama serial I`ve been obsessed about lately, in case you didn`t know) and I thought “they must be thinking “why does she mention it in every post”, haha. Well, turned out I was right as someone said “what is this Baaghi, every post has it!” That`s how it is when you`re addicted, so by now you should get used to it. Anyways, what`s new? Nothing much, it`s Saturday, I`ve studied a little, went to the shops, relaxing, had a great dinner AND watched two episodes of “Baaghi”. Told ya to get used to it. 😉

Now I`m going to study a little more, and then go to bed. Hope everyone`s had a great day!

FRIDAY

I`ve been thinking and feeling a lot today. I have some days like that, where I feel so inspired, but also sad because of everything that`s going on in the world. Everything would`ve been so much easier if we were nice to each other – it`s so simple, but somehow we`ve made it so damn complicated. And now I started thinking why some people can be mean – because we wouldn`t get stronger if there weren`t any ups and downs in life. Who knows.

Also – thank you so much for the response on the poetry from yesterday. I`ve been enjoying poems more and more lately and have been writing some too. I wrote that one late in the evening and I`m glad you liked it. I`m sure some can relate. 🙂

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Even though it`s getting colder and colder, the sun`s shining. And it`s Friday. Another thing to be happy about, in this chaos of thoughts.

BLACK AND WHITE

Thank you for your response on the post about studying abroad. I`m still unsure, so I`ve booked a meeting with a councelor who`s hopefully going to help me out and sort things out. If you have studied abroad or know someone who`s studied abroad, do share your experiences here (link). Or if you think you know something I should know, do share that too. I need all the advices I can get!

It`s Wednesday, which I`m happy about, because that means I have no lecture or seminar tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow – tomorrow they`re airing the LAST EPISODE of “Baaghi”. I`m so sad about that. I mean, not only did I start watching it this month – I`ve fallen in love with the drama serial. Aaaah, I`m excited and sad about it ending tomorrow. Good thing I haven`t watched the first episodes!

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Now I need to do some studying, blog ya tomorrow! Hope you who`re reading this, are doing okay. 🙂

THANKFUL

Thank you so much for the nice comments on my last post. I`m lucky to have such lovely friends. I want to show people that you might not have friends today or maybe you`re lonely, but have patience and great things will happen to you. Just hang in there. Years ago, when I was being bullied and people tried to make me feel bad, it was easy for me to think “things are never going to get good again”, BUT things happened and here I am, stronger than I`ve ever been and I have some people in my life that accept me for who I am. 💞

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Today`s been okay – I had a great breakfast and then video called with Sara. So nice to see her have a good time down there. 🙂 We just had dinner now, it was pizza like usually. Now I`m going to blog a little and then I better sit down and tackle the history book. Hope everyone`s having a great weekend!