IMAGINE NOT BEING ABLE TO GO OUTSIDE

This is a post I actually posted yesterday, but the 5th of July was the day Margot Frank received a note  to report to a labor camp. They went into hiding on the 6th. Have no idea how I exchanged these two dates. 


Today it`s exactly 75 years ago since Anne Frank and her family went into hiding in “Achterhuis” in Prinsengracht. Four days ago, I was there myself.

Imagine not being able to go outside for more than two years. You`re locked inside day and night, in small rooms. Not only that – you`re helpless with fear every single day. “These people were in prison, a prison with locks on the inside”, Miep Gies (one of the helpers) said. Imagine living in fear of being discovered and taken away to somewhere, which reminds you of something like death. For nearly 25 months, Anne and her family hid in her Dad`s office, with hopes of survival and a great future ahead.

If you know her story, you`ll know she and six of those who hid with her, died. Thinking of that still makes me emotional. Not only because I look so much up to Anne Frank, but also because I think of the millions of humans who suffered and died.

When I was standing where she stood 75 years ago, I felt weird, but amazing and so inspired. I am so lucky to live in Norway and live the life I`m currently living. I have so many opportunities ahead of me, I`m studying whatever I want to and I can go out every day and breathe in some fresh air. Stand in the pouring rain. Meet people. I don`t have to be afraid at nights and lie wide awake due to bombing. Most of us in the West are so fortunate and lucky. We have everything and to me, many of our problems don`t really matter, in the very end. Life`s not always a dance on roses. We can do things kids in war can`t. Being in the “Achterhuis” has once again made me realise how important it is for me to be thankful and thank God for the journey I`m on. Anne`s sister, Margot, died at the age of 19. I`m 19 and I`m still alive. I can do everything she couldn`t and my future doesn`t seem so distant.

I`ve been through a lot in life. I have my mistakes and I`ve made myself proud many times. I`m grateful for that. No matter what I`ve been through and are going through, I need to remember that I`m alive and that one day, the hard times will come to an end. I consider myself blessed, since I can live on and continue to grow as a person and human being, and make the world a better place.

I can do and encounter everything people that lived before us and went through horrible times, couldn`t do.

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THOUGHTS

I passed the test  and my vacation started the 1st of June. It`s unbelieveable. That unbelieveable, that now I`m asking myself what I am to do. What do I do now? I have two and a half months to do whatever I want to. I can`t waste it just like that, I need to do something meaningful. I can`t get up late every day, I can`t spend the days watching TV or my favourite serials. I need to be productive. So? I`m going to do some studying. I`m going to do 4 courses next semester, so I need to hang in there. I`m also going to read a lot of books – I borrowed and ordered several books from the library during my exams, that I wanted to read but told myself to wait for the exams to finish. I`ve already started reading and I can`t wait to find out what I am to learn this summer.

I needed a short break. My mind has been everywhere and I`m such a confusing person. My mind will be in Tokyo one hour and the next in Paris. You get it. For instance – I was so sure I wanted to do history as a minor, but two days ago I had no idea and looked up all the choices I had. Don`t you think I got even more confused? I still don`t exactly know, so I ended up applying for only the courses I`m going to do for Anthropology.

What else have been going on? I`ve been losing faith in humanity. Again and again. Some days ago London happened to be victim of terror. How can someone do that? I see the hate in the comment sections, I see how we discuss everything and nothing up and down and yet we have no answers. So many of the discussions we had many years ago, are discussions we`re still having and it`s as if we keep going and going, but we don`t know where we`re going. One evening I was exhausted due to that, that I told myself I don`t like humans. In one way that`s true, because you never know what they might end up doing one day.

I`ve also been thinking about my grandmother and how she died. Or how she ended up leaving me, leaving us. She didn`t give us a warning. The doctors did say we should start preparing ourselves for the end, but I didn`t want to believe them because miracles do happen. I prayed for a miracle to happen, but it never happened. All of a sudden she was dead. Maybe it wasn`t something that happened suddenly. All I know is that I really miss her and I wish she was here.

God, I really don`t know what`s the point with this post, but I wanted to let it out. I know way too many bloggers who have a positive blog all the way and act like life`s perfect. I know some people prefer to read blogs that give them motivation and inspiration, but what`s inspirational to me, are people who show all aspects of life. Who don`t mind being personal and saying “hey, I`m having a very bad day”. I guess that`s what this is. A post in which I`m trying to say that my mind`s been a mess and there have been moments where I didn`t know what to do, but that`s life. I know I`ll be okay soon enough, if not now.

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CELEBRATE DIVERSITY

Ever since Salvador Sobral and Portugal won the Eurovision Song Contest 2017, so many have been hating on not only his song or his performance, but on him as a person. Let me make something clear: It`s completely okay not to love the winner song, it`s okay to be disappointed, but shaming the winner and hating him simply because he`s taken the trophy with him home, is unacceptable and something we need to adress and talk about. Some were also criticising Ukraine for not showing “diversity”, as the theme for this year`s contest was “celebrate diversity”.a68dfcc65df30f1b9e9e53f7e66a6f4f1

I thought Eurovision was supposed to bring countries, languages and people together – that`s why I love the contest and have been watching it for almost a decade. But this time I must say I`m disappointed. Instead of enjoying the contest and accepting that the winner is Portugal, people want to spread hate and rumors. Yesterday my heart stopped beating for a second when I scrolled through the news and saw that the guy who represented Sweden this year, Robin, had written a post on Instagram about how he disliked Salvador`s speech. “Another one. Are you freaking kidding me?” was my reaction. It ruined my mood so much (hehe, that`s how it goes when you love Eurovision) and I felt so frustrated. Is it hard for people to look around themselves and understand where Salvador`s coming from? Romania`s Alex Florea claims Salvador has “head problems”. Thank God Wiwiblogs clears the misunderstandings. I`m one of those that were (and still kind of are) disappointed about the winner. Not because the singer is a “weirdo” (like some people have stated) or because the song is awful, but it just wasn`t one of my favourites. I was SO nervous about Bulgaria and wanted them to win. In the very end there were two countries left to get the televotes – those two were Portugal and Bulgaria. God, I can`t even explain how nerve-wrecking it was! As most already know, Portugal won and received more televotes and alltogether more points than Bulgaria. I couldn`t understand it there and then. Why Portugal? And why did so many vote for Salvador Sobral? I couldn`t understand what he was singing (because I can`t speak or understand Portugese) and I couldn`t wrap my head around the fact that there had been songs with sort of the same “style” before but they hadn`t won. So why Portugal?

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I started clapping when Salvador was standing on the stage, saying “I want to say that we live in a world of disposable music – fast food music without any content. And I think this could be a victory for music with people that make music that actually means something. Music is not fireworks, music is feeling – so let’s try to change this and bring music back, which is really what matters.” He`s so right, but I didn`t see the hate coming towards him at that time. You know, I understand that everyone won`t agree about everything and I get that many people aren`t quite happy with the way he said it, but I really wish people were more understanding and way more positive. I wish people tried to focus more on the nice things about other people, instead of always looking for even the tiniest flaws and mistakes. Salvador`s one of the most chill and humble Eurovision winners I have ever seen. He`s in NO WAY arrogant. Look up interviews he`s done – he`s in no way looking for fame. He simply wants to be an artist – he wants to create music with feelings. An arrogant person would take ALL the credits and not wait for his sister to come and share the stage with him. I thought that was obvious.

I really recommend those who`re hating on Salvador, to watch this press conference. He`s one of the many artists that are “shattered” by “everyday-pop-singers” that occupy the top lists. He tells how nobody really cared about the album he released last year – why`s that? Why`s that artists like him aren`t played that much on the radio? The reality is that they aren`t – check out the songs that are doing well in your country. I completely agree with Salvador and I believe so many have misunderstood his message – there are so many artists out there, that create music without any feelings in it. That DOESN`T mean he hates every artist in the world and believes he himself is the only one whom understands music. He was criticising the music industry and how there`s so much music out there without any content. Why isn`t that alright for a singer to say? Not every writer knows how to write well. Writing is art, just like music. Not every artist creates music with feelings and I think it`s completely okay to adress that. Those who are hating on him and saying “I`m just stating my opinion, so..”. Well, guess what? Salvador stated his opinions too that day on the stage, but I guess that`s not okay, because according to some people he`s just “a cunt” who`s dying and nobody will remember him anyways.

This comes from someone who listens to pop, country, ballades and bollywood songs – I like quite a lot. I won`t say we don`t need all kind of music and in the press conference Salvador stated that too. We need ALL KIND OF MUSIC – not only “fast food music.” We need all kind of music with feelings.If you take a look at the past winners, you`ll find many of the same things. The winner song has a “faster” rythm/beat, dancers, something happening in the background, lightening or a stageshow. You`ve got Emmelie De Forest from Denmark who won in 2013 and you have Dima Bilan from Russia who won in 2008. And for once, something else won this year. There was diversity and something different went home with the victory this year. It was only about Salvador Sobral and the song. His sister says she believes Portugal won because of the simplicity and the uniqueness in the song. The Eurovision Song Contest`s official site writes “Salvador Sobral is a singer who manages to put across a unique musical sensibility and magnetism on stage.” What Sobral did, was something unique. Again, that doesn`t mean he hated everyone else`s songs, but he`s tired of 1. how there`s not much diversity in Eurovision Song Contest and 2. how we live in a world of disposable music. Who usually occupy the top lists? Radi stations?And who usually wins Eurovision Song Contest? People wanted diversity – this is musical diversity. Music is what Eurovision should be about – not fireworks and what kind of clothes people are wearing. I love how entertaining the contest is, but in the very end I love the songs that make me feel something. That reach my heart and not only my mind.

People who create art, use experiences, things they`ve heard and seen to create whatever they want the world to see. Art should make you feel something – it should get to the deepest corners of your heart. That`s what I believe Salvador tried to do, and even though Portugal wasn`t my favourite and I was and still am a little disappointed, I`m proud of him. Why? He dared to be himself, despite everything. He wasn`t afraid to be different from the other participants – he did his own thing. Can I also just say how I LOVE that he`s not afraid to speak his mind?

Like I`ve already said – it`s okay to not like his song or his performance, but saying mean things about him as a person and what he is and isn`t, is unacceptable and shouldn`t be tolerated by anyone. I`ll write a post about the hate he`s been receiving later, but for now I just want to say it`s sad how so many have made themselves say the craziest things. I don`t understand how the very same people want others to be kind, but can`t be kind themselves. I`m one of those who loved the Bulgarian song more, but I`ve learned better. I`ve learned that trying to be more positive about something is the way, therefore I`ve seen several interviews done by him, I`ve read about him and I`ve looked up the English lyrics of the song. To the haters: Watch this great video by Alexander Rybak, who sings an English version of the Portuguese song to tribute the winner and hopefully you`ll listen to Salvador`s song with a new and open mind. (Alexander won the Eurovision Song Contest in 2011, by the way.)

In the very end I`d like to congratulate Salvador – I`m proud of you and proud of the fact that you have been doing your thing so far and will continue to do so in the future. You`re sincere with yourself and your fans and you`re clearly not afraid to speak your mind.

See you next year in Portugal! 🇵🇹

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I HOPE YOU KNOW

Yesterday I didn’t only celebrate Norway’s birthday, but I also celebrated (at least in my own mind) my grandmother`s birthday.

I remember when she proudly told me her birthday is the 17th of May. “Everyone in Norway celebratesmy birthday”, she said and laughed while her whole body shook. We laughed, I laughed too, but I was a little skeptical. ” Is that so because she doesn`t know when her birthday actually is?” I thought for myself. I didn’t say it out loud, but continued to celebrate her birthday. I baked an apple cake, even though she had diabetes and obesity. I wrote a card to her, even though she couldn’t read.

I never thought that I, after such a short time, would have to celebrate 17th May without a grandmother less.

So dear Nana, I hope you’re well and that you miss us, because I miss you. And just so you know: all of Norway celebrated your birthday yesterday.

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LIFE

1st May. Exams. Writing. Reading Concentration.

I tell myself I`ll do just fine, but then I remember how huge the syllabus is.

God knows who had the time to put it together.

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So many events are coming up, but I can`t and don`t want to go because of exams.

Oh, right. Concentration. For another 30 minutes.

“I wonder if grandmother knew she was dying”. 

“Focus, Anne. Focus!” Another 30 minutes pass by.

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Maybe I should check the news. Maybe there`s something interesting happening on the other side of the world.

Or maybe I should clean my room.

Or maybe I should enjoy this time, enjoy revision and enjoy learning.

I am, but I also can`t wait for summer and vacation.

Why do we always seem to be waiting for something?

BACK TO THE SAME OLD ROUTINES

Posting yesterday did me so good – I love writing, but I find yesterday`s post a little unique. Trying to understand something so complex is not easy and personally I just think that post is one of my best ones so far.

School started today and I could notice everyone`s waking up after a long Easter break, when I was on my way to the university. During Easter the trains were so empty and I miss that, haha. I enjoy it when libraries are empty, when buses are empty and when cafes are empty – it`s just me, my books and my thoughts then. I love humans, but I also love the silence that surrounds empty places sometimes. Maybe because usually there`s noise everywhere. People are always in motion and usually, the city`s restless. So whenever it`s quiet and peaceful during daylight, I can`t help, but love it. And then I miss it when we`re back to the same old routines.

Anywho, I`m revising for my exams these days, so there will be less posts up during the next weeks. Too bad there are so many feelings and thoughts inside my head, which I don`t know what to do about.

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BREATHE

I don`t know where to even begin. The past months haven`t been my best months – August and September went quite well, but when October came I felt emptier. Things weren`t always okay and I guess that kind of explains why I haven`t been blogging as much as I used to. I tried so many times to write something, but usually I`d close the tab or end up writing drafts.

I still don`t know where to begin.

Let`s see.

My grandmother is dead.

I don`t know what else to say about it. Or actually I do, but I don`t know where to begin. She`s just gone and I don`t understand how or why.

I KNOW so damn well that at times like these, I need to remind myself that even though it feels like it`s the end of the world, it`s not the end of the world. It`s NOT the end of the world. It`s hard to tell myself that when I end up thinking negatively. It`s hard during times like these. My grandmother`s gone and it`s crazy weird and sad how I have to get used to not having her in my life, when I`ve known her all my life. She was there when I was born and I was there when she died. I don`t get to sleep neither do I want to sleep these days. Last night I asked myself how I`m going to teach myself that I need to get used to not find her in her house, I need to get used to not have anyone to visit at the hospital and I need to get used to not have a grandmother.

There are other things that suck as well and I really need to convince myself that it`s not the end of the world. Life`s not over, it goes on. Time never stops up for anyone. Thank God my Christmas vacation is long – I need to gather myself, structure my days and be the girl I know I am and can be.

I hope everyone`s okay. Please take care of each other and be kind to one another. See ya`ll soon.

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