A FEELING THAT`S PAINFUL

Recently I`ve been thinking a lot about what it`s like to give so much to others who don`t see what you do for them. What it`s like to keep giving to people who don`t even give half as much back. God, it`s a feeling that hurts you to the bones. It makes you feel empty, it makes you feel like an idiot for being so nice to other people who don`t even appreciate it even though being kind isn`t negative. And yet you let it go the next day, put up a smile and act like nothing. Not because you`re not strong enough to confront the person, but because you tell yourself excuses and convince yourself he or she cares. Or that it`s okay, doesn`t really matter, let it be. Maybe it`s just how they are, maybe they have their own ways of showing that they care. Then, the next time you realise the people you care so much about don`t really care that much about you, you`re hurting. Again. Or maybe you always were hurting, but the fake smile did its magic.

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I`ve been realising how certain people would rather cause drama and make issues out of little things, rather than fix them and try to be more understanding towards people. And I`ve been sad because I`ve been more aware of how some people just don`t care as much as I do. They won`t do the things you do for them. They`ll just take and take and take, and you`ll be left with… nothing? Oh, God. I don`t know. I just know that that`s where I`m not right now and I`m not going to allow myself to be there either, but it hurts. Everything would`ve just been easier if we were nicer towards each other, really.

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SOME THOUGHTS

Oh, wow! I logged in and read your interesting thoughts on the last post. Thank you for liking it so much. I`m going to reply to your comments, but first I thought I`d share my thoughts on some of them here:

♥ Of course having a brain isn`t enough – you need to use it too! And that`s what I meant. All of us have our own brain and I don`t know about you guys, but here in Norway there are maaany that love to point at influencers/celebrities/other people and blame them for how they feel about themselves. But, in my opinion we should be responsible for the decisions we make. Like I said, it`s not always that easy, but it`s up to you whether you want to get affected by the beauty standards or not.

♥ The post was mainly about that – the beauty standards in the world. They tell us how we can achieve the “perfect” face and body. You also have doctors that are earning money because of plastic surgery. Isn`t that crazy? They`re literally earning money out of people`s insecurities.IMG_1364

♥ Freedom wasn`t mentioned, and even though the post wasn`t exactly about freedom I see where people are coming from. It`s a really interesting (and a little difficult) discussion, that I might bring up properly another day. But for now: I do agree that we don`t have 100 % freedom, BUT having that would also not be ideal. We need laws and rules in a society, for it to be stable and safe. Also, there will also be certain dress codes, social codes and a behavior code in a society. After all, we have cultures everywhere.

♥ It`s important that we find who we are, and that is often a lifelong process. It might be hard, but it`s not impossible. Does telling someone they`re fat or weak really helps someone? It might help and it might not help. Depends on the person. I kind of agree with that we will never be able to love ourselves if we don`t like what we see in the mirror, BUT that is the point! What do you see in the mirror? Your way too big nose or your ugly legs? Or do you see a person who`s capable of doing anything? I guess it depends on your perspective. 🙂 I think that knowing there`s only one of me in the whole world is kind of exciting – you could look anywhere and you wouldn`t be able to find anyone who`s exactly like me.


That was it for now! Have a good evening. ♥

CAN`T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT

Ever since I watched the last episode of Baaghi, my mind has pretty much been thinking about it. About how Qandeel Baloch was murdered, about how this has happened to so many and how people do certain things because of how others make them feel. I`m aware I`ve been talking quite a lot about the serial recently, but trust me – “quite a lot” isn`t enough. I knew a lot of the things the serial issued, but the way it did and the end got my mind stuck. Not only did the cast do an impressive job, but they managed to give different aspects to their characters. To all those who don`t like how they didn`t add the event with the Mufti Abdul Qavi intoto the serial – I think they didn`t do that, because the director had to act according to some guidelines. Not adding it still doesn`t miss the main point – how a woman with dreams in her eyes and wings of hope was shoot down and killed because of something called “honour”.

The show brought what happened to Qandeel much closer to me. It made me realise even more what happens in the lives of many girls. AND let`s not get me started on the OST. It`s SO amazing, I can`t even. I keep listening to it, I`m even listening to it as I`m writing this. Just can`t get over it.

Sometimes you read a book, or you watch a movie or a show which makes you feel way too many things at the same time. It makes you speechless. Or it breaks your heart. Baaghi did all those things to me and much more. Bilderesultat for mikuta red

//photo: here

FRIDAY

I`ve been thinking and feeling a lot today. I have some days like that, where I feel so inspired, but also sad because of everything that`s going on in the world. Everything would`ve been so much easier if we were nice to each other – it`s so simple, but somehow we`ve made it so damn complicated. And now I started thinking why some people can be mean – because we wouldn`t get stronger if there weren`t any ups and downs in life. Who knows.

Also – thank you so much for the response on the poetry from yesterday. I`ve been enjoying poems more and more lately and have been writing some too. I wrote that one late in the evening and I`m glad you liked it. I`m sure some can relate. 🙂

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Even though it`s getting colder and colder, the sun`s shining. And it`s Friday. Another thing to be happy about, in this chaos of thoughts.

MAY I NOT BECOME REBELLIOUS

“I am bound by the chains of traditions

And the interpretations of my dreams keep me awake”

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Yesterday the last episode of “Baaghi” aired. Qandeel Baloch was killed by her brother. God, how do I explain the scene. How do I explain how brutal it was to see her brother strangle her. It`s just a serial, but it`s not really “just” a serial. I knew the last episode was going to be hard for me, but this hard? I don`t even know. And the worst part of it all is knowing it`s based on a true story. It`s knowing this happened to Qandeel Baloch. Not only her – it`s happened and will unfortunately happen to many other girls and boys. I`m thankful about my cousin introducing it to me and I`m glad I kept watching it when I got back home, because like I just said, it`s not “just a serial”. It`s a wake-up call, it`s an eye-opener, it`s truth, it`s reality. It`s what happens to hundreds of girls not only in Pakistan but in other countries, as well. It`s the story of a woman who dared to defy the society and paid the price. Like someone on Twitter wrote: “Here was a woman; she could have been anyone of us, a woman with dreams in her eyes. Her fault was to continue flying with her hopes when the world tried to shoot them down. Her flaw was to trust the people around her, even when they had done nothing to deserve that trust.”

I wish people at least had took into account that she too was a human beings with a heart and her own feelings. I wish people had took into account that she too went to bed every night with her mind. I wish people tried to understand that people do the things the do for many reasons and most of all, I wish we had tried to realise that she? She was just a human being too.

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Also, I need to say something about the character Osman Khalid Butt did. I hope every girl meets a guy like Shehryar. He`s not the perfect, but because he respects a woman no matter what. He saw Qandeel (or Fozia, if you prefer using that name) for who she was. He didn`t judge her, instead he saw how lovely and caring she was. He waited for her for five years. All along he was always there for her, cheering and supporting her. While the world was judging her and speaking negatively about her, he really saw her heart. Qandeel wasn`t perfect either, but she was a human being who like everyone else, deserved to be happy. She found happiness in Shehryar and Shehryar found his happiness in her. He was one person who was lonely, then he found happiness in form of Qandeel and she was snatched away from him just before their wedding. The moment he got to know about her death was heartbreaking. The scene in which he puts 24 red roses on her grave made me so emotional. Not only did he respect her wishes and dreams while she was alive, he respected them even when she was dead. Qandeel Baloch needed that, but almost just as she found love, death found her too. Because she was a shame, because she was ruining the family`s honour. Because she was living a life many people thought was disgraceful and immoral. Because of her clothes, because of her actions. Because it didn`t suit a girl to “lose control”.

“o my beloved

may I not become a rebel”

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“Baaghi” is truly depicting behavior of our society towards woman. This drama portrays the issues that the typical female has been inflicted by : the burden of double standards — hypocrisy and manipulative coercion. It also portrays the issue with so called honour and shame cultures. So many have opened up their eyes and are now praying for her. That makes me happy, but I hope people are feeling sorry for her not only because she was killed. That`s only the end of the story. I hope more people realised how destructive negative social control can be and how a lot of women all over the world are being silenced. I hope people understand that they have no right to be judgmental towards other human beings. You never know what someone`s going through what their story is and how many tears they`re fighting back. I hope more people realise the power of women and that women too deserve to be happy, educate themselves, make a career of their own and make their own decisions. I also hope people realise that the hate towards Qandeel was wrong. Yeah, you might not agree with everything she did, but that`s not the point. Nobody has the right to hate on anyone who`s not living life the way you want them too. Imagine if everyone was to live their lives according to what everyone else wanted them to do – what a sad world we would`ve lived in.

I hope Qandeel rests in peace. I`m deeply sorry about what happened to her and I hope she knows she deserved better. Who cares about honour if this is what honour is. I highly recommend “Baaghi”. It’s the story life of  a young controversial social media star who was killed by her own brother, in the name of so called “honor killing”. The acting is amazing, everyone did such a fantastic job. I`m speechless. This sensitive drama serial has inspired me so much and has truly changed my life. I hope you (if you can) watch it and I hope it changes something in your life too.

ENTERING THE VEGETARIAN WORLD?

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About two years ago, I became more aware of the meat industry and how things work. I`ve been following this Norwegian blogger for some time now, she`s pescatarian and has at times tried to become vegan. She`s written posts about her own lifestyle, along with information about the meat industry and what happens behind the scenes. I`ve been considering becoming a pescatarian and I`ve been wanting to share my thoughts and feelings, but I`ve needed some time to gather my thoughts and figure out how to say this without it sounding way too wrong. Because the thing is that I won`t call myself a pescatarian, but I`m trying to at least eat less meat which I`ve accomplished.

I think what`s most important, is to be aware of your own choices and decisions. Question yourself more, ask yourself why you are doing the things so many take for granted. I guess that`s what I did. Seeing videos of how chickens are sent to fabrics was shocking and nothing no one ever had showed me. No one had told me about how thousands of animals are killed every single day, just so we can feed our own stomaches. I have to be honest and say that I don`t completely know if us killing animals for our own satisification is something we are meant to do, but I do know that I`d never be able to do that. At least not without feeling guilty and sad about it. I`ve seen people slaughter a cow and I didn`t handle it that well. What made me eat it, though?

I believe many of us eat meat and chicken, because “that`s just how it is.” We don`t do that only when it comes to food, many of us tend to do that with other “truths” we take for granted. “That`s just how it is.” But who decides “that`s just how it is?” I decided to ask more questions, to at least seek knowledge and at least know what I`m doing. I wanted to know a little more about where my food actually comes from, which I think is benefical for all of us to do. I don`t exactly remember how it happened, but I slowly started eating less meat. I tried to avoid it, which I still do. I became more aware of the vegetarian and vegan options they`ve got in the shops, I became more interested in meals without meat in it. I wanted to know more about vegetarian and vegan products and I`ve tried some of them. The knowledge I was sitting with, didn`t exactly make me want to eat meat anymore and now it`s not like I miss it either.Relatert bilde

I`ve received some negative reactions from some people, who maybe don`t understand this sudden change. I understand that it might be foreign, but what`s important to me is to know. I want to know where my food comes from, where the clothes I wear comes from. I want to be more aware, I want to be able to reflect upon my decisions. I want to seek knowledge and therefore make a decision. I want to do something rather than nothing.

I won`t call myself a 100 % pescatarian, nor do I call myself a vegetarian, but right now I`m trying. I still need to know more, I need to find out what`s best for me and where to go now. Going back to the habits I used to have is not an option anymore, though. However, it`s difficult to not eat meat at all when you live at home and have a family who loves meat. I`m trying, though, which is better than nothing.

In the end I`d like to know if you are vegetarian or vegan? Do you know anyone who`s vegetarian, vegan or anything in-between? I`d be happy to hear other people`s experiences in the comment section, as I`m still exploring the vegetarian and vegan world. 🙂

IN MY MIND LATELY

♥ It`s Thursday, which means my weekend has begun. I have Fridays off, which is lovely. I think I like weekends better.

♥ The 13th of October marked one year ago since we got to know my grandmother had cancer and can I just say nobody really knows how much I miss her. I don`t really talk much about it with anyone, as I want to deal with it on my own, but I still remember the phone call and the visits at the hospital. How do you learn how to miss someone forever?

♥ Today I went to a libary I`ve never been to – I thought that since my library card already is upgraded, I`d manage to get inside before it opened. Guess what? I didn`t haha.. it took me a little while to get there, so I was disappointed. Turns out the system isn`t similar to the one they have in Oslo – in the district I live in, your card will only be “connected” to the specific library once you`ve visited it. I really want to read a recently released book, and this library is so far the only one nearby that has it. I`ve ordered it though, and hopefully I`ll have it in my hands very soon. Can`t wait!

♥ I know very well what it`s like to be lonely, and I`m quite annoyed by what it`s like here in Norway – many would rather sit alone, than actually take the initiative to sit next to someone who always sits alone. So when I entered the auditorium today, I first sat alone in the front row, but then I changed my mind and sat with this girl I`ve talked to some times. I think it`s important to get to know new people and next time I`m going to sit with someone I haven`t really talked to. People who sit alone, aren`t necessarily lonely, but you never know. Also, we must take care of each other.

♥ Siv Jensen, a Norwegian politician wore an Indian costume (the indigenous people) and ever since then, the debate about whether the costume is offensive or not, has been blown up to that extent, that it`s exhausting and annoying. It`s just a costume, guys! If Siv had bad intentions, I`d understand, but she didn`t, so what is the fuss about? She didn`t wear it to make fun of the indigenous people – nor is this “misusing culture”. Thank God I don`t believe that Norwegians are taking advantage of a part of my culture, whenever they wear an Indian saree. People need to be more chill and not be offended by everything.

♥ Some days ago someone told me I write very well, which made me SO happy. Such compliments make my day.

♥ Since I am a little too confused sometimes when the alarm decides to annoy me in the morning, I`m off to bed now. Good night, earthlings.