If you`re here to read a blog which is only full of happiness positivity, photos that are all #inspo or if you`ve come here just to find another always-happy-face on the earth, you`ve come to the wrong place.

I could tell you today`s been amazing, I could show you today`s outfit or click inspirational photos like many others bloggers and act like my life is #goals. But I won`t and I don`t feel like it. It`s not that my life isn`t good. In fact, it`s quite good. But it`s only in the past months that I`ve realised how much your own mind actually can affect you and how much it matters that your own mind is with you. If your mind isn`t in a good place, you yourself aren`t either.

I want my blog to be a place where people can seek inspiration, positivity and a more realistic version of what life can be like. I don`t get inspired by blogs that are all “super-duper-happy” – I get inspired by bloggers that dare to be who they are and say “hey, you know what? Life isn`t perfect, I`m not perfect and that`s how it is”. I get inspired by people who have their own opinions and thoughts and don`t follow others just for the sake of it.

So, I`ll be honest: I`m tired of how I`ve done so much for people who didn`t give me the same back. I`ve given so much of myself and when someone hurted me, I felt like an idiot for believing. For believing that this person was going to at least stay. Maybe because I wanted to believe it was as easy for others as it was for me. Now I`m here asking myself what I got by being so kind to others and doing things for them. I did things I shouldn`t have done and still I did it all – what did I get? Tell me, apart from pain and unfaithfullness, what did I get? I think about this a lot and I don`t have any answers. I tell myself that at least I`m stronger now, I`m kind and I`m going to continue to be kind to people, but tell me: what did I get? I might be stronger now, but it`s also harder for me to trust people. It`s harder for me to trust people`s words and intentions, because I`ve met too many who haven`t meant what they said. It`s sad how things people in the past have done to me, are going to affect people I`m going to meet in the future. The pain`s going to affect how I meet them. It`s become hard for me to trust and share, because there`s always a chance people can use that the wrong way or just leave. I know what it`s like to try your best and give what you can give to other people who after some time aren`t there anymore. I try to tell myself “they must have their reasons”, but how does it help me and my sadness.

I`ve been thinking a lot about this, because I`ve realised how much this actually has been going on. The words “you haven`t done anything for me” hit me. To be honest, they really hit me. What a world we live in. You do things you never really thought you`d do just to make others happy and somehow it ends up being “nothing”. Ah, all I can say is that it hurts, it makes you questions your actions and your heart and you feel like the loser of a losing game. People can say whatever they want to, but when it happens more than once you really wonder how it`s possible. How it`s possible for someone to not see that you do so much for them and sometimes you end up doing less, because that`s how you can protect yourself. At least a little. I get why they do that, because who wants to get hurt?

I thought I didn`t, but here I am. Hurt.




Yesterday I went out with my aunt and cousin. We went to Frankfurt to do a lot of shopping. In the end we went to this huge shopping mall, where we didn`t buy much. I also went to shops like Primark, Zara and H&M. On our way home my aunt told me there`s been an attack in Munich. She didn`t know much more than that, so when we got home we read the news. There had been a massacre in a shopping mall. An 18-year-old German-Iranian boy killed 9 people along with himself. I`ve seen the video that has went viral, which shows people running around like crazy while he`s trying to shoot them. I`m speechless and I can`t believe someone would ever do something like that. Not to mention ever think of something like that.

I was in a shopping mall too yesterday. I went out with my family to have fun too. It could`ve been me. Guys, you have no idea how thankful I am for still being alive. It`s also insane how this boy was 18 – I`m 18 too. According to him, he was bullied for several years. I don`t agree with his actions, but I feel sorry for him. I`ve been there too as I`ve been bullied half of my life, but I`ve never thought of killing several people. I would never kill someone “just because” I feel lonely. large (86)

I don`t know where I even want to get with this. Just wanted to let out some thoughts I`ve had the past hours. I wonder when this is going to end. We hear about an attack pretty much every day now and it`s scary how it seems to happen everywhere. This time it happened at Munich shopping mall. I was at a shopping mall too. Happily I was far away from Munich. 9 people weren`t. They were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

But it could`ve been me. Or you.


I`m 12 years old. I`m in 7th grade. I`ve been bullied for some years.


I clean up the classroom, like usual. It`s become my duty. Or actually, I decided to clean up everyone else`s dirt some time ago and that`s just how it started. It`s become a routine now. Going through the floor with a broom, making sure everyone`s chairs are on the table and that the windows are closed.

I walk out of the door, wear my shoes and jacket and realise I`m missing something. My gym bag. Where is it? I start panicking a little. The teacher will scold me. But I brought it with me? I look for it everywhere – in the classroom, outside of the classroom, in the toilets, in the music room, in the library. You name it. I can`t find it. I panick even more.

The school bells start ringing. I need to hurry and go to the wardrobe, where everyone perhaps already have started getting ready for the gym. Every second Thursday we have sports at the end of the day.

I have no idea how to explain the teacher that I can`t find my gym bag. But hopefully, she`ll understand.

I walk down to the gym hall, meet my teacher and tell her. I tell her I brought with me my gymbag. I tell her I`ve searched everywhere for it, but I just can`t seem to find it anywhere. She tells me to look properly once more. And so I do. I look for it everywhere. I still can`t find it.

A frustrated me goes back to the teacher and tells her I have no idea where my gym bag is. The girls look at me while the teacher tells me I`ll just have to watch everyone else exercising. I have no other option.

During the two lessons I ask myself where I last put my gym bag. Where on earth could it be? I have no idea where it is, but I`m sure I brought it with me from home. The flashbacks tell me so too. This has never happened before.

After the lesson I talk with my teacher. She wonders where my gym bag is. I have had enough. I look at the girls. If looks could kill. I don`t know where it is, but I know for sure someone from my class had planned it all. I tell the teacher it must be one of the girls, who`re standing in the wardrobe with me and start staring at me. She tells me it`s crazy of me to blame them just like that. I have no reasonable reasons to do that. The girls start yelling at me and try to explain to me that I can`t accuse someone for something they`ve never done. I start crying, I can feel the anger burning in my eyes and I wish I could say everything I want to say.

If looks could kill.

I`m on my way home. Alone. I can`t wait to get home. I think about everything that has happened today and try to explain myself where my gym bag is. I still haven`t found it.

Just as I open the door at home I see the gym bag. It`s lying on the floor, right in front of me. I wonder what it`s doing there. Didn`t I brought it with me nevertheless?

My little brother says “I found it on the roof of your classroom.”

I start crying. I break down in tears. They had planned this and lied to me right in front of the teacher. Right in front of everyone else and me. I feel anger, but most of all I don`t know what to do. The teacher and everything she had said to me. I knew I had been right – of course the bullies would do something like this. But she didn`t understand me – nobody did. I don`t want to see that teacher`s face again tomorrow and I don`t want to have to deal with my class tomorrow. Why would someone do that?

There`s so much in this world that I don`t understand but right now I just can`t understand why a 12-year-old girl has to go through this.


I`m going to dedicate a whole blogpost to Agnete, Norway`s position in this year`s Eurovision and our song Icebreaker.

The first time I heard Icebreaker, I was surprised. There`s a tempo-shift in the song, but I liked it. Agnete has such a powerful voice, she shines bright and she`s very strong.


Thursday evening Norway didn`t make it to the final. I`m from Norway and some might take my support for granted. My favourite was and is Norway and I was shocked when Måns and Petra didn`t pronounce Norway`s name. I was disappointed and well – pissed off.

Norway had a new style. The song was something different and some didn`t find the tempo-shift appropiate. BUT, there`s a big but here. Georgia was worse. Their show was confusing and disturbing. I had no idea what was going on. There were other songs that didn`t deserve to make it to the final. Norway was powerful and had something new. But Europe couldn`t handle our awesomeness.

It made and still is making me extremely disappointed. Another thing Norway has been criticized for, is Agnete`s way of dealing with the contest. She hasn`t been participating in the events, nor answered interviews from the media. She`s struggling mentally and wanted to give her whole attention to her performance and her song. And so she did and I was moved to tears during her performance. She was simply stunning.

I wonder what kind of taste people have these days. Or do the countries vote for their neighbours? Eurovision has changed so much and I`ve noticed how many countries in the grand final vote for their neighbours. May I ask why? Eurovision is a music contest, not a “hey-let`s-vote-for-our-neighbours-so-they-vote-for-us” contest.

Yes, it really is a music contest. I understand people get to know the participants through interviews and events, but during a semi-final or the grand final what should matter are the 3 minutes they have on the stage. The show, the voice, the music. How many questions Agnete has answered shouldn`t matter. People should respect her way of doing it and I`m proud of her because she did things her way. The media can be too much to handle for some people. There are also very few participants, perhaps no one else than Agnete, whom replies to her fans on social platforms. Not that it should affect the results – but what about that?

Agnete struggles, but she has kept fighting on and she gave 200 % on Thursday. People couldn`t accept something new. People couldn`t accept that some people have their own ways of doing things. It makes me disappointed, but I`m proud of Agnete who represented Norway and I`m proud that we did something unique and didn`t follow everyone else. To those who want us to get out of this contest and believe Norway has nothing great to proove to the world in Eurovision: Norway has made it to top 10 the past few years. Poland made it to the final in 2014 with their odd show. And what about Ukraine and their dancing in 2007? I wouldn`t call that real music that gets to my heart, but they almost made it to the top in the final. Same with the Russian grandmothers with the cookies. Are those things a must now to make it to the final?

I`m just pissed off. No matter the reasons, we were better than some other countries. But, nobody could handle us , but let`s try to put it this way: We were kicked out by the countries who didn`t want to hand over the throphee to us. 😉

I`m going to watch the grand final tonight, but it`s going to be very boring. I like Sweden, Poland and perhaps Belgium but none of these are my favourites. Nobody`s going to break ice tonight. Too bad Europe kicked out the only icebreaker.



I can`t really complain because I decided to graduate at Nannestad. I don`t have the right, I don`t have reasonable reasons when I could`ve chosen a school nearer my house.

The principle said this to me on Monday.

I don`t hate him or anything like that, but when he said this I wasn`t sure what he wanted anymore. It was irrelevant, it was unnecessary. But I`ve been wanting to write this down for a long time now and I think the time is right now.

I`m independent, which means that if I want to do something which doesn`t involve anyone else, I do it. Why? I want to. In tenth grade, when I moved to Nannestad, I had to make a decision. Did I want to travel 4 hours and sometimes even more every single day just to finish the 6 months I had left at Østmarka? Or did I want to go to school which was a 10 minutes long walk away from home? I picked Østmarka and I don`t regret a second.

That`s what I did when I moved again last November. I doubted my decision at first. I told people I was going to leave Nannestad and start at another school. When I went to Pakistan, I changed my mind. I didn`t want to – I couldn`t leave just like that.

So I stayed. I travel about three hours every day, if I`m lucky two and a half.

My heart was heavy when I made the decision. I had contacted many other schools, checked out everything. Was there any other school where I could have all the 4 subjects I wanted? Nope. Nannestad was the only one. So my decision was kind of based on this, but I like to tell myself I`m just not the person to leave a school. I finish my plan if I have a plan.

So I went back to school January 2015. It was a burden then and it still kind of is a burden. I`m thankful for having the opportunity to learn something new every single day. I`m so thankful for having Sara and Thea – they`ve made the travelling more worth it. But it still sucks sometimes and it sucked even more in the beginning.

I used to cry in the bus because I felt so alone. I wasn`t always able to explain myself why I still was going to Nannestad when nobody really made me happy there. I didn`t feel heard, I had no friends. Other days the travelling was okay, days passed by and somehow it`s May 2016 now and I`ve survived. Some of the credits go to Sara and Thea who`ve I`ve spent more and more time with and whom actually do care about me. I frankly don`t care about the cultural differences between us – we care about each other, want each other well and that`s all that matters.

But travelling about 3 hours every day still sucks. I know there are people at my school who`ve got a longer way to and from school, but those I know of used to and still are having a great time at school. Many times they have someone to spend the time with on the bus. I have the roof. And sometimes a book. It sucks when I`m alone and time never seems to pass by. When I have to wait for the trains and nobody waits with me unless I somehow end up talking with them. It`s worse when you live far away from a school you don`t really are happy with and aren`t enjoying your time in school. Especially those days when I know I won`t be able to meet Sara and Thea are worse, but thank God, there aren`t that many of them either.

Yes, I could`ve chosen another school. There`s one ten minutes away from where I live and another one perhaps 20 minutes away. But I decided to have my graduation at Nannestad because I can. I know dear principle, that said you`re glad I`m still going there, but you clearly don`t understand my situation when you think I don`t have reasonable reasons to complain. Wouldn`t matter if I had a 5 hours long route – where I live is irrelevant. There are people who live farer away than I do and still have friends – do you think me not having friends has something to do with where I live? It just makes me annoyed. I lived at Nannestad for over a year – it didn`t get me any friends.

So dear principle. The problem here isn`t me “complaining” for no reasons or my long way home or where I live. The problem here is you not taking me seriously and throwing weird statements around.

But I guess if you were to understand, you would`ve understood long ago.


DSC_0753.JPGHistory`s always been my favourite subject. It`s so fascinating – I don`t know how to explain it. My favourite subject is the second World War, which is one of the two topics we`re having for our test this week.

But you know, I`m weird, and weird people want to read about all the “fascinating” and weird things out there. How Germany invaded The Sovjet in 1941 doesn`t drag my mind as much as Holocaust does. In class, while revising, I somehow ended up reading an article on “Holocaust denial“.

The reason why it maybe caught my mind, was the fact that I know people whom deny Holocaust. It sucks how that`s even a word we use, in first place. It sucks even harder there are people who think like that. They once said “The Jews digged their own graves” and “They`re making everything up in order to make people feel sorry for them.” I don`t think I need to mention more – you guys already by the way know how JK had to hear “What Hitler did was right” during a parent-teacher meeting more than 4 years ago. I know some people are going to tell me to confront these kind of people with facts, control and patience. Sorry to disappoint you, but I`m only a human and I can`t handle this.

It hurts me to hear these kind of things when I`ve met someone who was in a consentration camp and had to fight for years to get out of there. I met Mathilde, whom I still remember. Oh, for God`s sake, forget how I almost fell asleep during her speech because I was too tired. I still remember how she told us with her lovely voice that “my husband never said one mean word to me”. It felt a little like she was talking to me. She had been there, she had experienced horrifying circumstances, she had to go through systematic evilness. So what happens when people deny the Holocaust? I feel like screaming, I want to laugh at them because I don`t understand how. I`ve also been in four of the camps. How can you deny the fact that Jews died there? It`s like saying in 100 years time people will deny 9/11, which will be crazy to us whom are living in this decade. Or, let`s present an example which is more real to Muslims (because many are already denying 9/11..) : What if we in 50 years time denied the bomb explosion that happened in Lahore during Easter?

There are many people like that out there, there are many Muslims with those kind of mindsets out there. I`ve met some of them. They do exist. So to you who want to deny that Muslims do bad things too? You`re dead wrong. Try to put yourself in their shoes. People like you are the ones who try to turn some of our history into a lie and I can`t let people like you do that. What happened in Turkey or Pakistan is just as real as Holocaust. Your denials won`t make the truth any less believeable and true, your denials won`t change the stories and lives of millions of people.